


It'll never mean the same to you

by Zabn



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Even's a bit jealous of Eva, Even's hesitating, Even's mom and siblings are great - his dad and stepmom not so much, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Isak and Eva are childhood friends, Isak and Even are taking things chill - most of the time, Isak and Vilde are close in this story, Isak has lots of love to give, Isak's parents are great in this story, Lesbian Vilde Lien Hellerud, M/M, Misunderstandings, Okay he's jealous whenever it comes to Isak, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-03-18 16:40:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 79,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13685601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zabn/pseuds/Zabn
Summary: Isak and Even became best friends within just a few weeks, they simply kind of clicked from the very first second - after Isak had embarrased himself of course.Everything goes fine between the two boys 'til three words mean suddenly more to Isak than they do to Even.





	1. I see you're in a mood today

   

* * *

Isak's standing in the freezing January cold in front of number 12, the building Even's living in.

He damns himself for forgetting his gloves, he rubs his hands against each other and breaths into them to get them somewhat warm, but it only helps for a few seconds, so he buries them in the pockets of his jacket and hopes that Even hurries the fuck up and they can eventually leave for school.

Isak impatiently starts to kick his foot against the wall beside the entrance, he needs to do something, or else he starts to concentrate on the cold out here and that would make him freeze even more. Isak badly wishes he had put on another layer of clothes, but well he didn’t know he needed to wait that long for Even. Okay honestly he should’ve known, Even’s always late, like every single time.

After another felt eternity Isak pulls his phone out of his pocket and types a text.

____________________________

**Even**

**08:18**

 DUDE  


5 minutes

You already said that 10 minutes ago.  
You're hair looks as shitty as always. COME ON.

  


2 minutes or you can drive alone

  
ON MY WAY

____________________________

 

Isak huffs out a chuckle and rolls his eyes, he puts the phone back in his pocket and leans against the wall beside the entrance.

He thinks about smoking a cigarette, but he knows as soon as he lights one, Even will walk out the building.

"Fuck it." he whispers, grabs out a cigarette, it takes him a few attempts to light it ‘cause his fingers are a little numb from the cold, and when it’s finally lightened Isak takes a deep drag. He feels the well-known light dizziness, from the first cigarette of the day, wrapping around his brain.

He knows it's a bad habit and he should quit, but it's easier said than done with all the stress in school and home, okay maybe that's a stupid excuse. Isak can't even remember when he started to smoke regularly, probably when he met Even, yes it's definitely Even's fault. It's easier to blame his best friend than to admit he just started to impress the other boy – that would be so lame and Isak's not lame.

When he takes the second drag of his cigarette, Even steps out the door, and Isak rolls his eyes, he knew it.

"Good morning." Even sings, his hair made up to that perfect soft quiff and his face beaming with a smile. He's warmly packed in his black winter coat, with the big bordeaux scarf around his neck, he looks warm and cozy.

Isak asks himself how Even always manages to look like this, so effortlessly handsome, while Isak always looks like, well Isak.

He notices that he's staring, he coughs awkwardly and says "About time, asshat."

"I see you're in a mood today." Even's smile gets brighter and he takes the cigarette from Isak, his fingers lightly brushing over Isak's, and Isak forces himself to ignore that stupid feeling in his stomach.

He steps forward and picks on Even's hair ends and mocks "You let me wait in the freezing cold for that?"

Even playfully claps his hand away and says "Not everyone can fall out of bed and look like that." He brandishes with the cigarette up and down on Isak. When Even says stuff like that, Isak doesn't know if he's serious or if he’s just joking around.

He can feel the blush coloring his cheek, Even leans his head a little aside and smiles at him, it's one of these ones where the corner of his eyes crinkle preciously.

Even takes the last drag of the cigarette and stubs it out on the ground, he raises his brows and asks "Ready?"

Isak nods shortly "Yeah let's go, we're already late."

"You're such a nerd, Is. Sometimes that's a real turn off." Even lays his hand on Isak's shoulder and leads him towards his car. Though there's his winter coat between Even's and his skin, Isak can feel the warmth of his hand, or maybe he's just imagining it, yeah it must be the second.

"Says the one, who gets off to talking about movies." Isak scoffs and makes a face at the other boy before he gets in the car.

Isak leans back in the passenger’s seat and closes his eyes, it'll take a while ‘til they arrive at Nissen 'cause the streets are pretty busy since it's the first day of school after winter break.

Even's singing along to the song buzzing out the speakers. It's adorable how Even doesn't know half of the lyrics and doesn't strike one single chord, but it's the afford that counts, right?

“… _too long to the weekend, too long till I cum in your hands, too long since I've been a fool, ooooh yeeaaah…_ ”

Isak opens his eyes and laughs “What the fuck, Even?”

“What?” Even looks questioningly at him.

“What are you singing? Cum in your hands? Cum?” Isak looks at him, chuckling.

“Don’t complain, I didn’t write the song, I’m just singing it.” Even shrugs and he grins at Isak.

“You need a new pair of ears, dude. He sings _drawn_ in your hands, not cum in your hands.” Isak’s still laughing.

“Oh, okay, but I’m still going with cum in your hands, sounds kinkier.” Even chuckles and winks at Isak, to be honest it’s just a terrible attempt of a wink, but it’s still sweet.

“If it makes you happy to sing about cuming in someone’s hands, then fine.” Isak exhales loudly and closes his eyes again.

“I’d compose a whole opera for you, Is.” Even laughs, and Isak tries with all his inner strength to suppress that blooming feeling in his stomach again.

Isak opens one of his eyes and states “It’s due next Friday.”

"Yes, sir." Even laughs and turns his head to look back at the street.

Isak opens his second eye and studies Even's profile for a few seconds before he forces himself to look away again, Even already caught him staring earlier, so no need to get caught again.

Isak leans his head against the window and closes his eyes, his lips curl up into a slight smile. That smiling-because-of-no-particular-reason-thing happens a lot more often since he met Even a few weeks ago – to be exact five weeks and three days, not that Isak counts, no not at all.

They became friends so quick, and that's kinda untypical for Isak, he usually needs time to feel comfortable around new people but things are different with Even. Talking, laughing, just everything is so easy with him and Isak feels like they just kind of clicked from the very first second - after he had embarrassed himself of course.  
  
\-----

_**Five weeks and three days ago** _

It was a Friday morning and Isak was grumpy, more than usual. Eva took a tram earlier, though she promised she would go with him, he knew it was a silly reason to be mad at her, but it wasn't Isak's best week and he really needed her comforting words.  
  
Since Eva was with Jonas (a really cool, chill guy – Isak liked him a lot) things had changed between them, Eva spent more time with Jonas, of course he was her boyfriend after all, but it still hurt a bit, thinking about how close they had been since Kindergarten, spending almost every afternoon together.  
  
Eva was his only friend, the only person he liked, beside his parents, around the residential complex they lived in. Oak Wood Hills was that kind of place that seemed nice and welcoming from the outside, but was actually toxic as hell. 

All these people with their rumors and lies, Isak was sick of them and that week the rumor that Isak's mum had gone crazy again spread around the neighbors. Mrs. Johannsen (a bitter, old woman with a seemingly pretty boring life) told everyone she had heard screaming and other stuff from the Valtersen apartment.

Nothing of that was true, Isak's mum hadn't gone crazy and she hadn't been screaming, Isak knew she couldn't do that, even if she wanted to 'cause she was lying in bed for about a week now – Isak’s mother was depressive and it had been a rough week for her, feeling too exhausted, too numb to do any of the things Mrs. Johannsen had told everyone about.  
  
Isak knew that he looked like shit that day, dark circles under his eyes and there was an undefinable stain on his shirt, he could cover it with by zipping up his hoodie and jacket but honestly Isak didn’t care. He didn't care that morning how he looked like, he just wanted to get this day over and done and fall face forward in his bed.

Sleep hadn’t really been his friend the last couple of days, he felt restless and kind of useless because he couldn’t really help his mom, beside doing stuff in the household and just being there for her.

He stood there at the tram station, leaned against the railing, hoodie pulled over his beanie, headphones on and NWA buzzing in his ears, head bend down, looking at the screen of his phone, scrolling through memes, he already had seen the night before.  Isak had always been good at becoming invisible to other people, but apparently it didn’t work today, cause he saw in the corner of his eyes that someone was approaching him.  
  
He rolled his eyes and pulled out his headphones before he looked up to see who the fuck that someone was.  
  
Oh. Isak looked into blue eyes, beautiful light blue eyes, and he swallowed hard, it was Even, the boy who moved to Oak Wood Hills two weeks ago.

What the hell did Even Bech Næsheim want from him?  
  
A frown appeared on Isak’s forehead, and he knew he must look like a complete idiot, staring at the other boy like that and not saying a word.  
  
"Halla." Even gave him the kindest smile, and Isak instantly felt a little better, he didn’t know why, maybe it was the honest warmth of Even’s smile and voice.

For a second Isak’s mind went blank, he didn’t know what to say, he dumbly blinked at the other boy and as if that wasn’t already embarrassing enough the phone slipped from his hands.

“Fuck.” Isak muttered and wanted to bend down to pick it up, but the other boy was faster and handed it to him, the smile on his face even brighter now.

“Thank you.” Isak said and he really tried not to blush, but failed miserably. Why couldn't he behave like a normal human being around new people?

“You’re Isak, right?” the boy asked and Isak slowly nodded. How comes that he knows his name? Oh well probably the neighbors already had told him about grumpy Isak, the spoilt brat from number 11.

“That would be me, yes.” Isak answered and he didn’t know why but he smiled at the boy, something about him made Isak want to smile.

“I’m Even.” the boy said, as if Isak wouldn't have known who he was.

“I know who you are.” Isak blurted out and regretted it the exact same second - shit, that sounded kind of rude. "Uhm, I mean.. everyone knows who you are, that's the downside of living in a small residential complex like OWH. Everyone knows everything about everyone.”

“Sounds awful.” Even wrinkled his nose like he smelt something bad.

“You have no idea.” Isak slowly nodded and sighed dramatically, Even huffed out a small laugh and that was when Isak knew that he's going to like Even, a lot.  
  
\-----

“Is.” Even lightly squeezes his shoulder “We’re here.”

Isak runs his fingers over his eyes and blinks them open tiredly “Already? Faen.”

“Come on, or we’re going to be late.” Even mocks from the driving seat and Isak flips him off.

He gets out the car, the cold brushing against his face, and stretches his body before he shoulders his backpack. Even’s standing beside him, watching him with one of his brows raised “Looks like you didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Yeah.” Isak shrugs “Eva came over at around midnight or something. It was a long night.”

Around one in the morning his phone went off, it was Eva, she had a fight with Jonas and she was crying, so Isak told her to come over. He listened to her, helped her drying her tears and held her ‘til she fell asleep in his arms, and that was around three hours ago. It wasn’t a problem, not at all, Isak loves Eva and he'll be there for her no matter what time of the day, and it’s not like he had gotten more sleep if she wouldn’t have showed up.

“Oh.” Even says and Isak can’t really read the expression on the other boy’s face, he looks surprised, but there’s also something else, but Isak can’t put his finger on it, maybe jealousy, that’s probably only what Isak's wishing for.

They walk along the school yard, in silence, and it’s definitely not that kind that feels comfortable, it seems like Even wants to say something, but doesn’t know how.

The last two weeks Even acted weird around Eva, it seems like he doesn’t really like her, when he smiles at her, it always looks a little fake and forced, though he had been nice to her before he started hanging out with Isak.

“Isak, Even.” a voice shouts, Even and Isak turn their heads the same second, and there's Eva standing with some of her friends, she's cozily wrapped in her soft winter coat and a gray beanie is covering her long auburn hair, she's waving at them with a small smile on her face.

Isak starts to walk towards her, and he could swear that he heard Even quietly sighing beside him. What the hell is Even’s problem with her? Isak really needs to ask Eva if something happened between them.

Isak walks towards her, she’s smiling, though Isak can see that last night left its marks, her eyes look tired and a little sad.

Isak greets the other girls with a quick “Hello.” before he wraps Eva in a tight hug and she whispers quietly, so only he can hear it “Thank you.”

“Any time, girl.” Isak whispers back and they let go of each other, he can feel the weird glances of all the others around them, and Isak's close to roll his eyes, when will they ever get that Eva's just a friend.

“Hei.” Eva greets Even with a smile, and so far Isak can tell it's genuine, so it seems like Eva doesn't have a problem with Even, or she's just better at hiding it.

“Halla.” Even greets back and there's this look on his face again, Isak rolls his eyes, he's too tired and too cold to analyze that now.

“Uhm Chris is hosting a pregame on Friday, you're in, right?” Eva looks at Even with raised eyebrows “Isak will be there too.”

“I will?” Isak asks a little puzzled, he doesn't know anything about a pregame at Chris'.

“You owe me.” Eva smiles sweetly at him and he rolls his eyes and shrugs “Fine okay, we'll be there, right?”

Isak looks at Even, who's eyes are darting between Eva and Isak, Isak lightly shoves Even's shoulder and repeats “Right?”

Even coughs awkwardly and quickly nods “Yeah, of course we'll be there.”

“Okay cool. See you after school?” Eva looks at Isak with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, I'll text you.” he says, he salutes with two fingers before he leaves “Bye girls.”

“Bye.” the girls chirp in unison, and as he walks aways he hears Vilde lightly chuckling. Jesus, girls.

Even's already a few steps ahead and Isak really asks himself what the fuck's up with him today, he's never acted this kind of rude before - almost like a jealous child. 

Isak exhales loudly and quickens his steps to catch up with him, Even's eyebrows are knitted and he chews on his inner cheek - seems more like he's the one, who's in a mood today and not Isak - well it seems this day is going to be _fun_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's me, I'm back :) ♥  
> This verse is pretty personal to me, some things that will happen in here, actually happened to me and a person I once loved very much ♥  
> I hope you enjoyed the start and stick 'til the end with me :)


	2. Seems like we gotta share a duvet

   

* * *

 

“I miss him so much, Is, so fucking much. Is that normal?” Eva sighs in his ear, Isak can’t remember the last time they walked home like this, but it must’ve been some time ago ‘cause he can’t remember that it has always been that exhausting to give Eva a piggyback ride, or maybe he can actually feel the burning in his legs because he hasn't the right amount of alcohol rushing through his blood.

Isak huffs out a laugh and nods “Yes, it's totally normal, you're in love, girl.”

“Do you think he loves me?” Eva asks, running her fingers through Isak's curls.

“He does, Eva, very much.” Isak says and pats her thigh, he knows Jonas loves Eva, he can see it in the way he looks at her and there's that certain sparkle in his eyes when he talks about her.

“I do too.” Eva breaths and Isak smiles to himself. It’s adorable how disgustingly sweet in love these two are, sure there are fights every now and then but they’re forgotten within one or two days. Isak’s happy for Eva, he really is, she deserves someone as caring and understandingly as Jonas.

 “I love you too, Issy baby.” Eva hugs him tightly from behind and presses a kiss on his cheek.  

They almost trip ‘cause Eva’s sudden movement brought them lightly out of balance and a high pitched scream escapes Eva’s lips, Isak huffs out a laughs “Jesus, how drunk are you?”

“Very much.” Eva admits and joins Isak’s laughter, they laugh so hard, that Isak eventually trips over his feet and they fall in the high grass beside the sidewalk. Fortunately the ground is soft enough to dampen their fall and they don't get hurt. Eva's beside him is already holding her stomach from all the laughing, but they can't stop 'cause it's just too hilarious.

Their laughter fades and Isak can hear the music coming from the house, where the party’s still going on, obviously they didn't make it far from there. Thankfully Oak Wood Hills is only around ten minutes away from here, but tonight it'll probably take them a good hour to get home if they continue like this.

“Is, can you stay tonight? Mom’s not home.” Eva whispers in the dark, and she's whispering that words so quietly as if she's telling Isak one of her biggest secrets.

Isak turns his head to look at her, his face goes soft and he smiles at her, though she probably can't even see it "Of course, what is that even for a question?" He knows how much Eva hates being alone in their apartment when her mother's is out of town, so of course he’s staying with her tonight.

"Thanks." Eva breaths and she takes Isak hand and lightly squeezes it, and Isak squeezes back.

The phone goes off in his pocket and Isak rolls his eyes, it’s probably Even, but Isak doesn’t want to talk to him right now, he wants to lie here in the grass with Eva for another few minutes before they get home.

Isak leans up on his arms as he hears steps approaching them, he can see that it’s someone tall, he leans his head in his neck and takes a deep breath, as the person walks by a lamppost Isak sees it’s Even, for a second he hopes that he would just walk by, but to Isak’s luck the other boy stops his steps and looks in their direction.

“Isak?” Even’s voice asks in the darkness.

“Is that Even?” Eva asks pretty loudly beside him, and leans up “Yeah. It’s Even.” she cheers and Isak rolls his eyes.

“What are you guys doing down there?” Even chuckles, while walking toward them, he stretches his hand out and helps Eva getting back up on her feet.

Eva brushes the dirt from her jeans, still holding on Even’s hand so she won’t lose her balance “Is, tripped over his clumsy feet and we fell.”

“Of course it’s my fault. Like always.” Isak sighs and gets up from the ground “Come on, let’s get your drunk ass home, girl.”

“Are you coming with us?” Eva asks and leans her head a little aside, smiling sweetly at Even.

“Yeah, I would’ve joined you guys earlier, but I didn’t know you were already heading home.” he turns his head toward Isak and raises one of his brows. Yes, Isak ignored Even’s texts and calls, but he doesn’t feel like being around him right here, right now, not after that dumb things he said at the party.

_"Eva and Isak are getting so married one day, they just don't know it yet. They basically already are."_

Isak's used to that jokes coming from his asshole neighbors, but that coming from Even hurt. He thought with all the time he spend with the other boy, he has realized that there is nothing but friendship between him and Eva. And what makes Isak even more mad is that he doesn't know why it hurt that much coming from Even.

Eva jumps back on Isak’s back and they make their way home, and Isak doesn’t miss the frown on Even’s forehead when Eva wraps her arms around his neck and he grabs her thighs, so she won’t fall down.

 

“You really have no idea, why Even's like that, do you?” Eva giggles beside Isak as Even is out the room, searching for a bucket, in case Eva has to throw up during the night.

Isak furrows his brows and turns his head to look at her “Huh? What do you mean?”

Eva rolls her eyes “Is, don't play dumb with me, you know exactly what I mean.” she has a grin on her lips and Isak’s frown gets even deeper and he looks back at the ceiling.

So he isn’t the only one who noticed Even’s strange behavior whenever she was around, it got better the last couple of weeks, but sometimes there's still that awkward tension and Isak can't name what it is and he has no idea why Even’s behaving like that, not the slightest, but Eva seems to know and he's gonna winkle it out of her.

Isak exhales dramatically “Can't you just tell me, why do I always have to tickle things out of you.” He turns his head and grins at her.

Eva's eyes go wide, because she knows what's going to happen next, and she hates it, she fucking hates it when Isak tickles her.

“Don't you dare doing that right now, Isak, I swear to God.” she laughs and Isak's already leaning over her, the evil grin still pinned on his lips, ready to attack.

But then Even comes back in the room and Isak lets himself fall back on his back, Even looks with one of his brows raised at the two of them and Eva can't hold back a little giggle, Isak looks at her and shoves his elbow slightly against her arm.

“Tell me.” he mouths while Even's got his back turned to them.

Eva lightly shakes her head and whispers “You gotta find out yourself.” then she turns around, wraps the duvet around her body and closes her eyes.

And that's when Isak decides that next time Eva can walk home on her own two drunk feet, tonight has been the last time he gave her a piggyback ride home. 

Isak sighs and gets up from the bed, he's gonna bring Even to the door before he joins Eva, but probably he's not gonna find out what she meant cause as soon as Eva’s head hits a pillow in that state, she falls asleep immediately. Isak always envied her for that ability 'cause when he's that drunk he always needs to adjust his lying position to the spinning in his head and that means tossing and turning for almost two hours ‘til he finally can fall asleep. 

“I bring you out.” Isak says and Even startles a little, he seemed to be lost in thoughts, his eyes still glued to the side of bed where Isak has been lying.

“Yeah.” he says quietly and pushes his body from the desk.

They walk out Eva's bedroom and Even pulls out a cigarette pack from his hoodie and asks “A last one for tonight?”

“Sure.” Isak shrugs, he lost count on how much he already smoked at tonight's party, but he decides one more or less doesn't matter.

They walk out at the balcony and they light their cigarettes, the mood between the two boys is a little tensed, and Isak isn't quite in the mood to change that tonight, he's still mad at Even and he's definitely not gonna be the one, who'll break that silence. 

They smoke their cigarettes in silence, Isak leans against the handrail and looks at the sky, blowing out the smoke in circles.

Even behind him clears his throat and eventually breaks the silence “Are you staying here tonight?”

And there is it again, why does these words sound taunting coming from Even's mouth, what is it about Eva and Even, that Isak can't see, what is this stupid behavior about?

Isak swallows down his rising annoyance, but it doesn't quite work tonight so he just hums “Mm.” He breaths out the smoke, it slowly floats toward the sky, toward the big full moon and it kinda looks beautiful.

He knows it’s childish to be mad because of Even’s rash words, he just tried to be funny, but Even hit a nerve with that and Isak just can’t swallow his annoyance down.

“And Jonas doesn't mind that you share a bed with his girlfriend?” Even says nonchalantly, Isak doesn’t turn around to look at him, he doesn’t want to see the expression on his face now or else he might lose it and scream at the other boy in frustration.

Did he just really say that? Even must be fucking kidding, right?

Isak’s jaw clenches and he closes his eyes, his fingers holding tightly around the handrail, he takes a deep breath and a second, trying to let the burning anger and hurt in his stomach calm down again.

Why does it hurt so much coming from Even? Does Even really think that low of him? Isak had been hurt before by stupid words like this, but it's something different when they're actually coming from someone who's that close to you and should know you better. 

He can feel Even’s eyes on his back, the older boy's patiently waiting for an answer.

And then Isak finally speaks, his back still turned to the other boy, he doesn’t want Even to see the angry tears in his eyes “I don't know what all of you think, but Eva and I are just friends. And I would never take advantage of her. Do you really think I would climb in her bed and try to sleep with her when she's that drunk?” Isak bites and he notices himself how hurt his words sound, he turns around to look at Even “Fuck, Even, you should know that I’m better than this.”

Even looks at him like he just punched his face, but Isak's not done yet, he needs to get this words out or else he might explode “And if you want to know, Jonas ask me to take care of her and to not let her alone while he's at his grandma's.”

“Sorry, I shouldn't have...” Even mumbles and looks away from Isak.

“Yeah you shouldn't have.” Isak agrees and angrily stumps the cigarette out in the ashtray and makes his way to go back inside the apartment and tell Even to leave.

“Is, I'm sorry.” Even says and grabs Isak's arm to stop his steps, Isak ignores the comforting warmth that radiates from Even's hand through his whole body, he suppresses the feeling in his stomach, he's too mad for this right now.  
  
No question Isak likes Even, he really embosomed this boy within the last four months, but tonight he could launch him into outer space. Why is he acting like this? Why does he say things like that?

“It hurts that you think that low of me.” it just slips out of Isak’s mouth and fuck he didn't want to say this out loud.

Even's expression goes soft, so fucking soft, Isak's heart does a little flip, and he hates it, he hates that his stupid foolish heart does this, whenever Even’s looking at him with that soft, soft expression.

Even lays his hand on Isak’s shoulder and slightly squeezes it “I don’t know what’s up with me tonight, I’m acting like a bitch. I’m sorry, Is, I’m really fucking sorry.”

His soft spoken words sound sincere and the flames of anger in his Isak’s body die down with them.

Isak looks down at his feet, escaping Even’s soft gaze and he takes a deep breathe “Yeah, okay…”

Even lets himself fall in one of the chairs and exhales loudly, it seems like he also imagined that night to be more fun. Isak sits down at the chair beside him and puts his feet on another one in front of him, he looks up in the sky and knits his eyebrows.

Maybe he can tell Even a little, Isak knows Eva hates it when people know these things about her (though they aren’t bad at all, she just hates being vulnerable) but he has a feeling that Even needs to know or else he’ll never understand.

Isak hears that Even’s lightning another cigarette and he turns his head to look at him, he studies Even’s face for a few seconds before he says “You know, Eva’s parents are divorced, she only has her mom and Anne's traveling a lot due to her job, and she’s often gone on week-long business trips. Eva, well she hates being lonely. That's why she comes down to sleep at mine or I come up to sleep here.”

And Isak can see Even's next question on his face, so he goes on “She doesn't want to call Jonas all the time, she doesn't want to show him how vulnerable she actually is. The last time she showed that to a guy, that asshole took advantage of it. She knows Jonas isn't like that, but she just needs time to fully trust him with all the package she has to carry.”

“Oh.” Even only says and nervously plays with the cigarette between his fingers.

“Yeah, I mean I told him a few things because I didn't want him to think that I'm sleeping with Eva behind his back.” Isak says and picks on the end of the sleeves of his hoodie.

There's another reason why Jonas isn't jealous, he knows that Eva's not exactly Isak's type, probably no girl really is. But that's something Isak isn't ready to share with Even yet, because he’s still pretty insecure about all this and he’s scared shitless of what people might think of him, especially Even.

“And he's not jealous? I mean I would go crazy knowing that a good looking guy like you is sharing his bed with my girl.” Even breaths out the smoke and this time it doesn't sound like an accuse, but there’s still something odd in his voice, but Isak decides for his own inner peace to ignore it.

“Nope, he knows there's no reason to be jealous.” Isak says and he hopes Even’s satisfied with it and stops asking any further questions and somehow he hopes that Even might got that little hint as well.

“Wow, Jonas seems to be a pretty chill guy.” Even slightly nods and Isak breaths out the air he was holding in, okay good no further questions.

 

After a few seconds of silence Even suddenly starts to laugh and Isak looks at him with raised eyebrows “What?”

“That piggyback thing, though. How often you already had to take Eva home like that?” Even asks between his light laughter and Isak’s more than glad for that random change of subject.

“Stop laughing, asshole. It's the easiest and fastest way to get her drunk ass home. And to be honest I have lost counts, but it must’ve been a couple of times.” Isak joins his laughter “Now you know where I got my muscles from, no need for gym when you have to give Eva a piggyback ride home almost every weekend.”

“Muscles?” Even's laughter gets even louder.

Isak narrows his eyes and shrugs his arms in front of his chest “Says the one with the Giraffe limbs.”

“You're an asshole, Is.” Even slightly shakes his head and Isak just shrugs “You should know that by now.”

They both laugh and Isak has already forgotten that he actually had been angry with Even before they got here, but he's never angry with him for a long time, one smile or one laugh and Isak's heart's melting.

Before they go back inside Even asks “Do you think it's a problem if I stay here tonight as well, my mom's going to be furious if she finds out I was drinking again.”

He knows Even's mom is a little weird and pretty strict about these kind of things, but apart from that she's the nicest and warmest woman Isak ever met, she reminds him a lot of Even.

“Of course you can stay. I think we can all fit in Eva's bed, it's big enough.” And when he realizes what he just suggested, he quickly adds “Or you can sleep on one of the couches if you want.”

Even takes a look at the two couches in the living room, and raises one of his brows “I think my Giraffe limbs are a little too long for these.”

When they get back to Eva's room, the girl’s already sound asleep, she's buried in her duvet and her auburn hair is spread on her pillow.

“Seems like we gotta share a duvet.” Even says and grins at Isak.

Isak exhales loudly and says “I need to warn you, I'm a living radiator.”

Even's grin goes wider “Good 'cause I'm always freezing.”

They climb in Eva's bed and after a few seconds of shifting their bodies in a comfortable position it's silent in Eva's bedroom, only her quiet, steady breathing filling the nightly silence.

Eva turns around, wraps her arm around Isak from behind and cuddles closer to him, she sighs quietly in her sleep, Isak places his hand on hers and squeezes it slightly.

Even has his face turned toward Isak, the full moon diving his face in a dim light, he looks beautiful like this and Isak needs to fight back to urge to reach out and trace along the outlines of Even’s face.

There’s a small but yet so gorgeous smile on Even’s lips and Isak can’t help but smile back. And in this moment Isak wishes Eva wouldn't be cuddled up behind him, he asks himself what would happen if he would lay here with Even alone.

Probably nothing, because Even is just his best friend, like Eva.

“Good night, Is.” Even's voice is barely a whisper and still it sounds so fucking sweet, that smile still on his lips when he closes his eyes and buries his face deeper in the pillow.

“Night, Ev.” Isak smiles and he tries to ignore the fact that Even's so close that he can actually feel his breath on his face, his eyes stay on Even's face for a little longer, memorizing how the smile slowly fades from his lips, how the muscles of his face slowly start to relax, how his hair is softly framing his face.

Isak takes his hand from Eva's and brushes a curl out of his face and places it beside his head, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, though he knows that he probably won't fall asleep tonight, not when Even's lying that close beside him.

His breath hitches when he feels Even's fingers slightly brushing against his own, but he keeps his eyes closed, too afraid the other boy’s touch would fade in the darkness as soon as he opens them. He enjoys the warmth spreading from his fingers through his whole body, well knowing that this can only be a dream, a wonderful dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always I hope you enjoyed the update :)  
> Thanks for reading, leaving kudos and comments, it means a lot ♥


	3. I'm a fucking mess

 

* * *

When the door to the Bech Næsheim apartment opens, Isak looks in the smiling face of Even’s mom, Hedda.

“Hei, Hedda.” he smiles but quickly adds a more quiet “Sorry.” when he sees that there’s a phone pressed against her ear, she’s listening to the person at the other end of the line with a light frown on her forehead, Isak assumes it's someone from work.

She mouths a “Halla.” and waves Isak in, she smiles apologetically, points at her phone and leaves in the kitchen.

Isak toes off his shoes and as he does, Even’s older half-brother Mathis walks out his room, Isak internally rolls his eyes because he knows the older boy will either say something stupid or mean or he’ll shoot Isak one of his all too well known annoyed glances.

He really doesn’t know what kind of problem Even’s brother has with him, he has not the remotest idea, but the tension between them was there right from the very first time they met. And Isak hates it, he hates that it still feels so awkward being around Mathis.

“Hei.” Isak says and he tries his best to let this word sound as friendly as possible, Even’s brother only raises his eyebrows at him and disappears in the bathroom.

Isak rolls his eyes, this time for real, and whispers to himself “Asshole.”

Mathis' behavior made him so uncomfortable in the beginning that he had to ask Even about it, his best friend only rolled his eyes and sighed “Mathis? Don’t wrack your brain about my douche brother, Is. It’s nothing personal, he’s like that to everyone, I guess he’s just angry with the world or something.”

Thank God he’s the only person in this household, who acts this weird around him, Even’s mom is an actual sunshine, she’s kind and lovely, just like Even and so are Even’s younger twin brothers Jan and Ben.  

  
The door to Even’s room is open, he’s sitting at his desk, bend over one of his schoolbooks, his chin resting on one of his hands and the other one is rhythmically tapping a pen against the book.

Isak leans against the doorframe, allowing himself to take that view in for a few more seconds. Even looks beautiful like this, the sun shining through his dark blond hair, the expression on his face soft but still concentrated. He's so lost in his thoughts, he hasn’t even noticed Isak’s presence yet.

Isak’s lips curl up in a smile and in that moment Even looks up and he twitches a little as he realizes that he’s not alone, but he immediately gives Isak a bright smile “Halla.”

“Hei.” Isak greets him and walks in his room, and now that Even’s face is turned to him, he sees the dark circles under his eyes, the older boy looks exhausted, he looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Jesus when was the last time you got some actual sleep, Ev?” Isak walks up to Even’s bed and sits down on it, cross legged.

Even closes the book and turns his chair to face him, he thinks a bit before he sighs “Don’t know, maybe 3 days ago?” he smiles weakly and runs his fingers through his hair “The exam keeps freaking me out and it kinda fucks with my sleeping schedule.”

Isak slowly nods, when his mom’s not doing well and he’s worried as fuck about her, he can’t sleep either, no matter what he tries, no matter how tired his body is, his mind just can’t shut down. So he understands.

But still there’s that little voice in his head that tells him that Even’s insomnia has another reason, not just the stress about the exam. He knows that Even probably won’t tell him what’s really up, not right now. Maybe he'll tell him when they have one of these let’s-share-our-deepest-and-darkest-secrets moments in the middle of the night, in the soothing dark in one of their rooms.

But until then Isak can at least get Even out of his room, he can try to distract him from stressing about school stuff and whatever keeps him up at night.

“Okay, it’s such a beautiful day, we can’t waste it in here and you need a break from studying anyway. Let’s get our bikes and go somewhere.” Isak says, jumping up from Even’s bed with an enthusiastic smile on his lips.

“Is, I gotta go through five more chapters and…” Even protests but Isak interrupts him “You can do that later, and I’m gonna help you, but now we’re going out there.” He grabs Even’s hands and pulls him to his feet.

.

As they drive along the street Even asks with one of his brows raised “So, where do you wanna go? Did you have something specific in mind when you lured me out of my room?”

“Nope, we can go wherever you want.” Isak smiles sweetly at him, he didn’t think about a certain place when he suggested to get out, and it wasn’t really important where they go, he just wanted to get Even out of his room.

Even rolls his eyes and slightly shakes his head “Okay smartass, I think I know where I want to go.” Then he smiles, there's a excited spark in his eyes, and Isak can't help but mirror Even’s smile.

. 

They steer their bikes on a path through the woods, it smells like pines, resin and earth, Isak closes his eyes for a second and breathes in that wonderful scent. It’s silent in there, beside the singing of birds, there are no other noises that you're used to hear in the city.

The farther they drive in the woods, the more distinct comes the noise from slow-flowing water, and Isak thinks that they must be near a river.

After the next curve, they come to a small glade and there it is, the river Isak already heard from a few meters away.

Even gets off his bike and smiles brightly at Isak “What do you say?”

“It's fucking beautiful, Ev.” Isak stuns, while he gets off his bike too and lets it fall to the ground, he lets his glance wander and asks “How did you find this spot?”

“I guess when you live with four other people, who are noisy as fuck at times, you need a spot where you can catch some peace and repose.” Even chuckles a little “Three half-brothers and an overprotective mom can be quite exhausting.”

“I bet.” Isak laughs, then Even grabs his arm and he leads him to the glade, he opens his backpack, pulls out a blanket and spreads it on the ground.

They sit down on the blanket and Isak leans back on his hands, his eyes still busy to take the beauty of this place in. He asks himself if Even comes here to draw, or if he just lies here and takes in the nature, if he listens to the birds chirping, if he inhales that scent of new-mown grass and he asks himself if for Even the world seems a little brighter here as well.

The afternoon flies by in a blink, while they’re talking about nothing and everything, about important stuff and not so important stuff.

Isak tells Even about the exhausting drama in his extended family, and his best friend manages to make him forget that this shit will probably slowly drive his mom back in her depression and that his anxiety will probably make a come back. Even makes him forget, even it's just for today.

He listens as Even complains about his dad and his step mother, about their nagging that he should come for a visit this weekend though he doesn’t want to.

Even never told him why he as good as completely cut the ropes with them, but Isak doesn’t want to push. He knows Even’s going to tell what’s going on when he’s ready, he always does, he shares almost every stupid thought he has with him.

.

Isak only realizes that it’s already getting dark, when he lights a cigarette, he looks up at the sky and the first few stars are already weakly blinking down at them.

Isak takes a drag from his cigarette and watches Even, who tries to light one too, but it takes him forever because he’s telling Isak a funny story about Jan and Ben. There’s so much tenderness and love in the older boy’s expression when he speaks about his little twin brothers that Isak’s heart swells a bit in his chest.

He twitches when the phone in his pocket goes off, he grabs it out and chuckles quietly as he sees the text Eva just sent him.

 

  ____________________________

**Eva 20:29**

  
Issy :))))))))

You found it?

Yeeeesss ♥ Where are you? Ran immediately down to your's when I found it, but you weren’t home :'(

Around town with Ev

Oh :) Text me when you watched it  
NO better text me when you're home, so we can watch it together.  


Geez calm down girl :D

A fangirl doesn't know how to calm down :P Can’t wait to see his noodle dance ♥

Don’t forget his noodle hair ♥

  
Us :D

Haha can't wait :)

 ____________________________

 

Isak huffs out a laugh, because Eva’s love for Troye’s ridiculous and it’s even more ridiculous that she’s crushing over a gay celebrity boy, okay Isak does a bit too, but well, no one needs to know that, alright.

“What’s so funny?” Even raises his brows and smiles at Isak.

“Eva’s just ridiculous.” Isak rolls his eyes and puts his phone back in his pocket, too paranoid Even could catch a glimpse of their conversation and see that he put a heart beside ‘his noodle hair’.

“Is she raving about Troye again?” Even chuckles, and Isak only nods, oh yeah he forgot that Even had been there the last time Eva talked an hour straight about her obsession.

They both break out in loud laughter and Even asks “You gotta go home and watch some noodle dance vids with her?”

“Nah, no need to hurry.” Isak chuckles, fangirling with Eva can wait, this here feels more important today.

And so they stay there and another hour passes as Isak shows Even some constellations, Even listens carefully and asks Isak a few questions about them, his eyes following the movement of Isak’s finger.

“Oh, that star, you see that one, the one that shines so brightly?” Even suddenly asks and points his finger in the direction Isak should look.

“Yeah.” Isak whispers and then he turns his head to look at the other boy.

“As long as it’s there I know everything’s going to be okay.” Even turns his head and gives Isak a smile, but it's none of his bright ones, it's not sad, it kinda feels nostalgic.

Isak slowly nods and looks back up at the sky, focusing on the star Even just showed him. He thinks about how this star might've already died a long time ago, but he doesn't say it, he keeps that to himself. It’s silent between them for a few breaths and before he can think twice about it, the words already slip out of his mouth “You know you can tell me things, right?” Isak slowly turns his head to look at Even again.

Even's expression's suddenly so sad, it breaks Isak’s heart and he wishes he could just reach out and brush his fingers over Even’s cheek and tell him that everything’s going to be okay, although he doesn't even know what's wrong.

A sad smile dances on Even’s lips and he breaths “I know, Is. But not tonight, okay?”

“Okay.” Isak nods and doesn’t push any further, Even will tell him when he’s ready. 

Even turns his head, looking back up in the sky, he swallows and Isak wishes he could do more for him, he wishes he could be a better friend, he wishes he would be brave enough to reach out and run his fingers soothingly through Even’s hair, he just wishes he could do anything.

Isak’s train of thought gets interrupt as he feels Even's fingers lightly brushing against his own, he remembers the night as they slept in Eva’s bed and it exactly feels the same, so it wasn’t a dream, he didn't imagine it, it really happened.

And this time Isak doesn’t close his eyes and he decides to take that chance, be brave and do what his heart is telling him to do.

His fingers slowly brush along the inside of Even’s hand and then he intertwines their fingers, it’s a gesture so small but yet so big for Isak and his heart is pounding like crazy in his chest.

He can hear that Even’s breathe hitches and he can feel the other boy’s glance on him. He keeps his eyes at the sky, but he can’t hold back the little smile that dances on his lips.

Somehow Isak waits for Even to say something stupid, but he stays silent, and Isak thinks that maybe just maybe the other boy can feel the importance of that little gesture too, Isak hopes it with all his heart.

And when Even lightly squeezes his hand, Isak knows he feels it too.

.

______________________________

**Even 11:17**

 

For real?

Yeah unfortunately.  


Wth happened?

I fell and broke it, what did you think?

Idk, thought about something more dramatic since it's you.

Wow I broke my wrist and you're still an asshole.

You know I'm always here to cheer you up ♥

My knight in shining armour :') ♥

Text me when you're home. I need to perpetuate my name on that ugly thing.

Okay, will do :)

 ____________________________

 

The day passes by without Even texting him that he got home from his dad, Isak shrugs it off, maybe Even's staying another day there or maybe he's too tired from the painkillers he got for his broken wrist. Isak can remember when he broke his arm 3 years ago, he got some painkillers that worked real wonders and he felt like he was floating above the clouds, he was so out of it that he slept for a whole day straight. Even probably experienced the same, so he doesn't give it a second thought that Even hasn't texted him yet.

.

Isak stands at the tram station with Eva, she's telling Isak something about the party she and the girls hit on Saturday, but Isak can't quite concentrate on her babbling, 'cause he still hasn't heard from Even yet.

"Hey, are you even listening?" Eva looks at him, pouting.

"Hmm? Sorry, I'm just tired." Isak stammers and runs his fingers over his eyes.

"Tired, huh? You sure it has nothing to do with the fact that Even's not here yet?" Eva wags her eyesbrows and Isak rolls his eyes at her, but then she smiles and pats his shoulder "Is, it's just a broken wrist, I bet he's fine, he's probably still knocked out from the painkillers." And then she barks out a laugh and adds "Remember when you broke your arm 3 years ago, shit you were so out of it, it was hilarious."

"Shut up." Isak shoves her lightly, but he joins her laughter. Eva's right, the other boy's surely fine and he just worries too much.

.

Even doesn't come to school that day, neither does he the next and Isak starts to freak out a little 'cause he still hasn't heard from him.

That's why he's on his way to Even's now, he wants to know what's up and how Even's doing. 

Hedda opens the door, she looks tired and a bit sad "Isak, hei." Her words don't sound as bright and lightly as usual and Isak's stomach sinks to the ground.

She lets him in and leads him in the kitchen, with every step he takes he's feeling more sick and he can feel the color fading from his face.

Why does Even's mom look so exhausted? Where is he? Is he fine? Did something happen?

Isak let's himself sink on one of the kitchen chairs and he looks at Hedda, waiting for her to finally speak "Honey, Even isn't doing very well. He's sick, you know and he needs rest, a lot of it."

"O- Okay. What's with him? Is it his wrist?" Isak asks, Hedda's expression fades a bit and Isak swallows.

"It's not only his wrist, Isak, but I think Even wants to tell you this himself." Hedda smiles a little, but Isak can tell that it's forced, he bites down his bottom lip, he doesn't understand shit right now.

"Just give him some time. I'll tell him that you were here. He'll text you as soon as he's feeling better, okay?" Hedda says and she grabs Isak's hand and squeezes it lightly.

"Okay." Isak slowly nods, although he doesn't understand anything, and he's even more worried than before.

And before Isak leaves, he hugs Hedda, because he thinks she could use it and he does as well.

.

The days go by slow and every day, every hour, every minute he waits for a sign from his best friend. He can't concentrate on school or other stuff and he barely slept the last days. 

On Friday he's feeling so edgy that he decides he waited long enough, so he walks to Even's right after school.

He nervously plays with the sleeves of his hoodie while he's waiting for someone to open the door, and when the door swings open, Mathis is standing in front of him and Isak can see on his face that he wants to send him away.

"Please, Mathis, let me in." Isak pleads, the other boy thinks for a second and in that split second there's something soft in his eyes and he steps aside to let Isak in.

Before he walks back to his room, Even's brother says "Don't be a dick about it, you hear me?"

Isak doesn't know what he means but he nods and slowly opens the door to Even's room.

It's dark in there, but Isak can still make out the silhouette of Even's body under his duvet, Isak has no clue what this all means, the Bech Naesheims kinda freaked him out with their strange behavior about Even being sick, first Hedda and now Mathis.

What is wrong with his best friend? And then comes something horrible to his mind, but he quickly pushes that terrible thought away. No way.

Isak takes a shaky breath and walks up to Even's bed, and climbs on it, he lays his hand on Even's back and whispers "Halla, Ev."

The duvet rustles when Even's turns around to look at him, Isak sees that his eyes widen a bit when he actually realizes it's him, there's a frown on his forehead when he asks “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried. No one told me, what's going on with you.” Isak breathes and he lays down beside the other boy, studying his face. Even looks exhausted, physically and mentally, he looks endlessly tired and then Isak knows what's up, he saw that look on his mother's face often enough. Even's depressed.

The older boy exhales shakily and nervously chews on his bottom lip, it's silent in the room, and Isak gets more anxious with every passing second Even doesn't say a word.

"You wanna tell me what's up?" Isak asks cautiously "Beside that." he lightly drums one of his fingers against the cast on Even's left hand.

It takes Even a few seconds to answer him, he clears his throat and eventually says “Is, I'm...” but he stops and he closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath before he continues “I'm bipolar.”

“Oh.” Isak says and he knows what that means, high highs followed by low lows. Not a long time ago the doctors thought Isak's mother could've a form of bipolar too.

“I'm sorry, Is. I'm sorry that I disappointed you, and I get when you don't want to be my friend anymore." Even says and he looks away from him "I'm a fucking mess.” his glance is pinned to the ceiling, and he looks so small and defeated.

Isak suddenly feels like crying, because Even thinks that he doesn't want to be his friend because of that anymore, he's sad because Even thinks that he's not worth to be friends with, though he's one of the most precious people he ever met.

“Are you serious, Ev? That doesn't change shit.” Isak says, Even turns his head back to him and Isak smiles a little “You're my best friend, no matter what.”

And then without thinking Isak's hand reaches out and his fingers gently brush through Even's hair, the other boy leans in the touch and then there's something like a small smile on his lips and after all these days Isak feels like he can finally breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I'm sorry that this update took me so long, but I was laid low by the flu the past week :(  
> As always I hope you liked the update :)  
> Thanks so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos, it means a lot ♥


	4. Just tell me that I can crash at yours tonight

* * *

 

Isak’s lazily lying on his bed, there's an episode of Narcos playing on his laptop, but he barely pays attention to it, he's too busy with scrolling through Eva's and Jonas' Instagram, liking and commenting on their pics from their trip to Copenhagen. They look so happy and in love, it's almost ridiculous. But Isak's more than happy for her 'cause if someone deserves to be that disgustingly happy, it's Eva.

The door to his room swings open, Even waltzes in and greets Isak with a loud “Halla.”

“Fucking hell, Even, you ever heard of knocking?” Isak snaps and throws a pillow at the other boy.

“What? Are you afraid, I'll catch you jerking off or something?” Even laughs and flops down beside Isak on the bed. He places the pillow, he caught before it could fly in his face, behind his head. He leans a bit forward, narrowing his eyes and eying Isak up “Shit, you weren't, were you?”

“Fuck off, no I wasn't.” Isak huffs out a chuckle, shoves Even's shoulder lightly and sighs “But you can't just storm in here like a fucking hurricane every single time, and startle me like that, that's rude.”

“Sorry, Is, I guess I'm kinda used to it from home.” Even apologizes and looks at Isak with these damn puppy eyes.

“If you would barge in Mathis' room like that, he would, most likely, rip your head off.” Isak says and slightly shakes his head.

“Nah, he would throw _that_ pillow at me, you know the one with all these suspicious stains on it.” Even barks out a laugh.

“You're brother's disgusting.” Isak crinkles his nose, he knows that pillow, of course Even didn't miss the chance to show him that disgusting thing.

Even nods approvingly and after a few second he asks “So what were you doing? Don’t tell me you slept until now.”

Isak doesn’t know what Even’s problem is, it’s summer, that means no school and sleeping as long as he wants, he exhales loudly and groans “Shut up, that's what summer break's for.”

“No summer break's here for experience some adventures and not for laze around in your underwear the whole day.” Even points out and then he smiles at Isak “Put on some clothes, I wanna go swimming today.”

He wants to protest, Even can't go swimming because of the cast on his arm, he doesn't want him to wrap a plastic bag around it and risk that it'll get wet. But before he can argue Even holds up his arm and shows Isak his cast-free arm, smiling brightly.

Isak grabs Even's arm and runs his fingers along his wrist “Your cast, it's gone, why didn't you say that you got rid of it?”

“Just came home from the hospital and I wanted to surprise you.” Even says and he's beaming now.

Isak's fingers are still tracing along Even's arm, when Even takes his hand in his and gently rubs his thumb over the back of Isak's hand.

They shyly smile at each other and Isak can feel the heat crawling up on his cheeks, he awkwardly coughs, frees his hand from Even's touch and gets off the bed.

He can't deny that it feels good to be so close with Even, to receive his soft touches, but sometimes these kind of touches feel a bit too intimate for friends, even for best friends, and it confuses the shit out of Isak.

Every time Even holds on a heartbeat to long when they hug, every touch that feels too tender, every time he looks Isak in the eyes with that soft, oh so soft glance, Isak can feel the butterflies in his stomach going wild and at the same time he gets sad because he's such a cliché – the closeted gay boy that has a secret crush on his straight best friend.

Isak walks over to his drawer and slides it open, his hands searching for his trunks and a new shirt in there. He stops his movement for a second and stares at the back of his hand, he can still feel Even's thumb ghosting over his skin.

His thoughts get interrupt by Even lightly chuckling behind him “Is, can't you decide what to wear or are you having a silent conversation with your trunks?”

“No I… ugh, shut up.” Isak stutters, finally pulling his trunks and a shirt out of the drawer and slamming it shut again, he turns his head to Even and raises his brows “Would you mind?”

“Uh yeah, sorry.” Even chuckles awkwardly, and Isak can see the beginning of a light blush coloring the other boy's cheeks, Even covers his eyes with one of his hand and with the other he holds up his thumb.

Isak looks at Even for a few seconds, he awaited a teasing comment, something like _Come on Is, don't be so shy, there's nothing I haven't already seen_ , but he did not expect that Even fucking blushes.

Isak takes his eyes off of Even, he quickly changes into his trunks and pulls a shirt over his head.

“Is it safe to look again?” Even asks and his hand's already away from his face, before he has even finished his sentence. There's something in Even's expression that Isak can't quite place, and before Isak can decipher it, it changes into a bright smile “You ready?”

“Does it change anything if I’m not?” Isak asks and shrugs his arms in front of his chest.

“Nope.” Even pops the ‘p’ with his lips and jumps up on his feet “Come on let’s go, Is.”

Isak let's out a dramatic loud sigh “Fine. Did someone ever tell you that you’re a commanding asshat?”

“You do that all the time.” Even chuckles, places his hands on Isak's shoulders and leads Isak out of his room.

.

Isak’s sitting down on the jetty, slowly diving his feet in the river and hisses “I’m not going in there, it’s fucking freezing.”

Even’s already half in the water, he rolls his eyes and says “Come on, stop whining, it’s not that cold.” He splashes some water at Isak, causing him to let out an embarrassing high pitched squeal.

“Stop.” Isak laughs and stands up to get a few steps away from the water.

“It’s just water, Is.” Even barks out a laugh and within the next second he dives his head under water.

“But it’s fucking cold water.” Isak mutters to himself, he can’t go in there like Even, not when it’s that cold, he needs to do that quick and easy, so he decides to take a run and just jump into the cold blue.

Isak’s body dives into the water, the cold surrounding him, and it feels like it punched all the air out of his lungs, he dives back up on the surface and takes a deep, loud breath.

“God, you're such a drama queen.” Even raises his eyebrows at him and chuckles.

“One must recognize another, huh?” Isak laughs, brushing the wet strands out of his face.

Even makes a few strides toward him and dives him under water, they splash water at each other and play fight like little kids, and Isak can't stop smiling 'cause he missed Even's lighthearted, genuine laugh these past weeks so fucking much. After his last episode it took Even some time to get back on track.

“Come, I need to show you something, I found it the other day.” Even says, climbs out the water, and Isak follows him without asking.

They run along the glade, 'til they stop at some kind of waterfall, a tiny waterfall.

Even nudges Isak's shoulder with his “Let's jump.”

“Are you c-, we can't do that, Ev. We don't know if it's even deep enough. We could break our necks or whatever.” Isak says, his eyes wide, he hopes that Even's just fucking with him.

“Is, it's deep enough. Don't you trust me?” Even says, his glance challenging, and Isak doesn't know what to say, of course he trusts Even but this was just a stupid idea.

“Of course, I trust you, but I mean, we could die.” Isak answers, shrugging his hands in front of his chest, not in a hundred years he's going to jump.

Even huffs out a chuckle “See, you're such a drama queen.” He bops Isak's nose with his finger.

Isak claps away the other boy's hand and grumbles “Fuck off, Ev, and stop saying that.”

“If you jump I'm gonna stop saying it.” Even challenges him, with a wide grin on his lips.

Isak exhales loudly “Fine.” Even's grin gets even wider and before Isak can protest Even jumps on his back, he almost loses his balance 'cause he wasn't ready for it.

“Are you scared?” Even breaths in his ear and Isak can feel goosebumps spreading across his whole body.

“A tiny bit.” he admits and swallows.

“You don't have to, I'm here.” Even smiles and then he places a kiss on Isak's neck.

Isak almost lets the other boy fall, he can feel the heat spreading from his face to his ears, and before Even can get a hint of how much this little touch of his lips affects him, Isak takes a step and jumps.

Isak is electrified from the adrenaline and from Even's body pressed against his back, and the place where Even's lips touched his skin burns like fire and not even the cold water is able to wash that feeling away.

As they both dive up, Even has a wide, winning grin on his lips, he swims toward the banks and get out the water. He lays down on one of the rocks and lets his body dry in the sun.

Isak watches him for a few breaths, and before Even catches him staring at him, he tears his eyes away from the other boy and dives down to cool his fucking nerves down. He wants to scream under water, he wants to scream out his frustration, but he doesn't, 'cause the bubbles coming to the surface would betray him.

As he comes back to the surface he feels composed enough to get out the water and lie down beside Even in the sun.

.

“Mamma's new guy is coming over again.” Even says, his head resting on his hands and his eyes still closed.

Isak turns his head and studies Even's profile before he asks “So it's serious with that guy? I mean that's the third time he's coming over this week.”

Even sighs and nods “Unfortunately, yes.” He takes a breath before he adds “Ugh, can you believe it? I mean he's so ugh, I don't know, he's just him, you know what I mean?”

Isak hasn't met Heda's new boyfriend yet, but according to the stories Even told him, he's not quite what you call a good catch, Even described him as suck-up and pretty inappropriate.

“Can't wait to meet that guy in person.” Isak laughs and suddenly Even turns his head and looks at Isak with a serious expression on his face.

“If it's on me, I don't want you to meet him at all.”

Isak knits brows and asks “Why?”

Even studies Isak's face and he seems to search for the right words “I told you that he's inappropriate, right?” Isak nods and Even goes on “The last time we had dinner at his house he asked me some weird things, and he even wrapped his fucking arm around me and squeezed my shoulder. Like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?”

“And you said I'm a drama queen.” Isak laughs, but it dies down when he sees that Even doesn't laugh, he means it serious. Isak clears his throat and asks “What, what did he ask you?”

“Shit like if I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and if I'm giving and getting it good.” Even has a deep frown on his forehead.

Isak swallows and he blinks a few times, he needs a few seconds to let it sink in what Even just told him “What the fuck, that's fucking disgusting. Did you tell your mom?”

“Yeah, she said I shouldn't be so prude and stop taking everything so seriously because he was obviously just joking.”

“Wow, that's, I don't know what to say, Ev.” Isak admits and runs his fingers through his still a bit damp curls.

“Just tell me that I can crash at yours tonight.” Even sighs and looks at Isak with raised eyebrows.

“Of course, Ev.” Isak answers, how could he say no, after what Even just told him about this guy, no fucking way Isak lets Even down.

Even smiles at him “Thanks, Is, that's why you're the best friend I ever had.”

Isak mirrors the other boy's smile and sighs “Always so sappy.”

“As if I wouldn't be the best friend you ever had. And no Eva doesn't count, 'cause she's practically your sister.” Even laughs and gently pinches Isak's side.

“Stop it.” Isak laughs and tries to clap Even's hand away.

“First you have to admit it, Isak, tell me I'm one of the coolest and best people you ever meet.” Even chuckles and pinches Isak again.

“Okay, okay, for fucks sake.” Isak breaths and leans up “You're one of the coolest and best people I ever met, Even.” Isak rolls his eyes at him "Feeling better now?"

“Much better.” Even beams at him and lies back down, folding his arms behind his head.

Isak lightly shakes his head and his glance wanders out in the distance, Even's right he's really one of the coolest and best people he ever met, and he's happy that Even's finally stable enough to be able to see it too again.

.

**____________________________**

**Eva 22:39**

Hei :) I miss you, Issy baby

I miss you too, girl  
How's Copenhagen? Pics look awesome

It is awesome. We're having a great time  
Next time you should come too

Third wheeling and hearing you guys doing it all the time  
NO THANK YOU

You could bring Ev ;)  
It'll be fun

Sure

;)

You're gonna tell me yourself or do I have to worm it out of you?

What do you mean?

Issy, come on

????

Even's staying the night at yours, again. For the umpteenth time

How do you even know that?

I have my sources

He sent you a text, didn't he?

My lips are sealed, babe

Ugh I hate you :(

No you love me :P Good night ♥  


Good night, girl ♥

____________________________

“Eva's lowkey jealous that we're having a sleep over without her. How does she even know that you're sleeping here tonight?” Isak chuckles and looks at Even with raised brows.

“I may have sent her a pic.” Even says and beams at Isak.

Isak rolls his eyes “What pic?”

Even looks back at his phone and then Isak's phone pings, he frowns and opens the message he got from Even.

____________________________

**Even 22:48**

 

____________________________

“You look cute.” Isak blurts out before he can think twice, he can feel Even's eyes on him, Isak thinks of a way to save this, but at the other hand fuck it, why shouldn't he say to his best friend that he looks cute, he tells Eva that she looks cute all the time, and that's the same, isn't it?

“Did you really just say that I'm cute?” Even says and his voice gets an octave higher, grinning at Isak “Look at you, you're getting all soft, Valtersen.”

“Oh shut up, take the compliment and leave it.” Isak grumbles and tries to hide his blush by looking away from Even.

Even chuckles beside him and Isak tries to ignore the older boy, he takes another look at the picture in his phone and smiles to himself, Even looks so fucking soft, it's ridiculous, and if Isak's adding this picture to his Even-folder on his phone no one needs to know.

.

“Why the hell do we always need to watch this dramatic piece of shit movies? Why does always have someone to fucking die?” Isak says and wipes his tears away.

“Because otherwise it wouldn't be an epic love story, Is.” Even smiles at him.

“Ugh I hate your dramatic bullshit, Ev.” Isak lightly shoves Even's shoulder.

“Sorry, Is.” Even says and squeezes his shoulder “Next time we watch one of your movies. Wanna have a smoke to calm down your emotions?”

Isak rolls his eyes, but he nods “Yeah, sounds good.”

They get up from the bed and Isak wants to get out of his room and out on the balcony, but Even holds him back and says “Tonight we're gonna climb out at the scaffold.”

The apartment complexes are getting renovated, so the buildings are surrounded by scaffolds, and Isak's paranoid as fuck about them, because he's afraid that someone could climb up and watch him through his window while he's doing the most random shit in here.

“Out at the scaffold? Dude, what if we fall?” Isak raises his brows.

Even sighs “First of all you’re living on the first floor, Is. And second, boys like us don’t die that young.”

“What’s that even for a bullshit?” Isak lets out a sarcastic laugh.

“Come on.” Even's already at Isak's window and opens it.

“Jesus, okay. But if I die, I kill you.” Isak says and takes the steps toward Even.

Even climbs out on the window and on one of the platforms of the scaffolds and smiles down at Isak “Don’t think that’s gonna work.”

“Shut up.” Isak snaps and reaches for Even's hand so the other boy can help him climbing up to him.

.

They smoke their cigarettes in comfortable silence, it's a silent night in Oak Wood Hills, there's not even the barking of a dog to hear.

Isak blows out the smoke of his cigarette and he asks “Do you really think that someone has to die, to have an epic love story?”

Even takes a drag from his cigarette, he keeps the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds, he seems to think about it, he breaths out the smoke and with it his answer “Otherwise it wouldn't be epic, would it?”

“You know, sometimes your thoughts are pretty dark, Ev.” Isak admits and he hopes that Even doesn't get it the wrong way.

“I know.” Even breaths “Sometimes I'm a bit scared of them too, to be honest.”

“Ev..I'm..” Isak says, and he studies Even's face, he can't really make out the expression on the other boy's face 'cause it's too dark out here, but he can imagine the sad smile on Even's lips.

“It's okay, Is. It's not you fault. Actually you help me forget about them, you make them a bit more bearable.” Even says and Isak can hear that his voice is trembling, just a bit, but it does.

Isak takes a deep breath, stumps out his cigarette and then he hugs Even, he wraps his arms around the other boy as tightly as he can, hoping Even gets what he wants to say with this embrace.

“That's why I love you, Is.” Even says beside his ear and Isak holds his breath for a second, he presses his eyes close 'cause he feels the tears forming in them. He doesn't feel like crying because of these words, it's because of the words that follow every I love you from Even “You're the best friend I ever had.”

Isak swallows down the tears and whispers, hoping Even doesn't hear the tears in his voice “I love you too, Ev.”

.

Isak's staring at the dark ceiling, he thinks about the words they exchanged that night on the scaffolds, it wasn't the first time they said these words to each other, but tonight these words felt different.

He turns to his side to look at the older boy beside him, Even seems to be sound asleep, his breathing's steady and deep.

Isak reaches out his hand and brushes his fingers through Even's soft hair.

Isak closes his eyes but he can't hold back the tears from escaping them, they slowly roll down his cheeks and sink into his pillow, leaving dark, wet marks behind. He exhales shakily, trying his best not to let out a sob and wake up Even.

“I love you.” Isak's voice is barely a whisper "I love you, so fucking much." The tears keep slowly rolling down his cheeks, 'cause Isak knows that these three words will never mean the same to Even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I hope you liked the new chapter :)  
> Thank you so so much for reading and leaving comments and kudos.. It always makes me happy af and means a lot to me ♥


	5. Your smile does a pretty great job making me feel better

* * *

 

As soon as the alarm tears him out of his restless and rather short sleep, Isak's sure that this isn’t going to be his day.

He drags his body to the bathroom, splashes some cold water in his face to get rid of the remaining tiredness. As he dries his face with a little green towel, his eyes find himself in the mirror, he looks tired and exhausted, he looks exactly how he feels.

He brushes his teeth rather quickly and makes his way out of the bathroom, he comes to hold in front of his parent’s bedroom and thinks about going in there, checking on his mom.

He wants to be there for her, although she’ll probably be asleep and won’t even notice that he’s there, but it’s the only thing he can do for her when she’s feeling like this. And it breaks Isak’s heart, he wants to punch walls because he can't really do anything about it, he feels helpless and kind of useless, watching his mother getting hit by another wave of her depression.

In these times it's hard for him to feel like he’s a good son to her, he feels like he owes her more, she’s his mother after all. She gave birth to him and she loved him unconditionally from the very first second she knew he was there.

He knows that it’s not his or her fault that she’s feeling the way she does, she's doing her best to get better, she's taking her meds and she's going to therapy, but sometimes the depression's just stronger than all of them combined.

He quietly opens the door and steps in the bedroom, the bed on his dad’s side is empty, he left for work about an hour ago, Isak heard him talking to his mom and saying goodbye to her.

Whenever his mom’s not doing well, Isak can see how much his father’s struggling with this, he sees that he feels the same way he does, probably even worse. Seeing the woman he loves since he was a stupid teenager (his dad always calls himself like that) so vulnerable, getting lost in the dark depth of her brain, must be even more heart-wrenching than Isak can even imagine. 

In these times Isak can see, how the funny and outgoing part of his father leaves the apartment and goes for a long walk, sometimes it takes only days for it to come back, sometimes it takes weeks.

It seems like his dad’s personality gets exchanged with the one of another human being out there. He gets more quiet, more thoughtful and even more loving around Isak’s mother. And it’s really heartwarming to see his dad like this, seeing that his dad’s more than the joke cracking, sometimes too-loud-for-indoors person. Isak loves that his dad has this ever so soft side that he only shows to them.

Isak sits down on the bed and gently strokes his mom’s shoulder, her hand comes out from under the duvet and she lays it on his “Hey, baby.”

“Do you need anything, mamma? A tea or some water?” Isak asks, he doesn’t ask how she’s feeling, because he knows that she’s not feeling that well.

She already looks a lot better than she had a few weeks ago, but she still looks somehow exhausted. A small smile dances on her lips as she breaths “Thanks honey, a cup of tea would be great.”

“I'll be right back.” Isak nods, lightly squeezes her hand before he gets up from the bed and walks in the kitchen to make his mom some tea.

He leans against the kitchen counter, while he waits for the water in the kettle to boil and his eyes wander out the window.

Mrs. Johannsen is sitting out there at the benches beside the children's playground. She's knitting and talking to the three older women, who are sitting with her, probably they're creating the next hot rumor that will make its round in OWH this week. And he hopes with all his heart that it’s nothing about his mom’s condition. It's a wonder that nothing about her made the round the last couple of weeks.

Isak takes his eyes off of them, he can’t even look at them for more than a few seconds, without imagining the mean and poisonous words forming in their heads and rolling over their tongues about his mom.

Thankfully his eyes catch Jan and Ben, Even’s little twin brothers, they’re swinging with bright smiles on their faces. Isak can tell that they're having one of their competitions where they try to find out who can swing the highest and if it's possible to make a turn with the swing.

It's both, comforting and painful to see that the world out there keeps spinning while it seems to have stopped here in the Valtersen apartment the last few weeks.

Isak's thoughts get interrupt from the noises of the finally boiling water in the kettle, he grabs a mug from the kitchen cabinet - best mom in the world the crinkly letters say on it. Isak lets his thumb drive along the words and he smiles to himself, he can't believe that his mom still has that ugly mug he made for her in elementary school.

He walks back in the bedroom with the ugly mug in one hand and another one filled with hot cocoa in the other. Isak decided today's a day for the comforting drink that reminds him of his childhood.

Isak crawls on his dad's side of the bed and reaches his mom the cup of tea, she leans up a bit, taking the cup with a whispered “Thank you.”

She smells the tea and there's yet another small smile on her lips “Apple and cinnamon?”

“Yes.” Isak smiles at her, takes his cup from the bedside table and clinks it with his mom's “And hot cocoa.”

His mother's smile becomes brighter, and Isak can see that there are tears forming in the corner of her eyes, shit he didn't mean to make her cry, he shouldn't have.

She takes a sip, places the mug at her bedside table and indicates Isak to scoot closer.

He cuddles closer to her, his head resting on her shoulder, one arm around her, her fingers gently brushing through his blond curls “Sorry mamma, I didn't want to make you sad.”

Marianne doesn't answer, instead she says “Remember when there was this huge storm outside and you were so scared that you hid here, in your dad's and my bed?”

Isak nods, of course he remembers that, when he was a kid, his parents bed seemed to be the only safe place in the world, where nothing bad and scaring could find and hurt him.

“Your little body was shaking from all the fear and no matter what your dad or I said, you wouldn't want to believe that nothing would happen to you. That's when I decided to distract your little brain with a story and some hot cocoa.” his mother says and she leans her head on Isak's.

That day she began to tell him stories whenever he was scared or couldn't sleep, she made him some cocoa and for herself a cup of apple and cinnamon tea. Isak loved his mother's stories when he was a kid, he still loves them and he can remember every single one.

“Maybe today we can switch parts and you tell me a story, how does that sound?” Marianne asks, and Isak turns his head to look up at her, she caresses her thumb over Isak's cheek and Isak whispers “The story will probably not be as good as one of yours but I try, mamma.”

That's how Isak starts this Wednesday morning, lying in bed with his mamma and telling her a story he just made up and hoping that it brings the same soothing comfort to her than it has always done to him.

.

When Isak has finished his short story – he kept it short because he doesn't want to exhaust his mom too much – he leans his head a bit back and looks at his mom “So what do you think? It was bad wasn't it?”

Marianne smiles at him “No it wasn't, baby. I loved it, especially the end, I'm glad that the two little boys went on that adventure.”

“You can say, when you didn't like it. I mean it will break my heart, but I will survive it.” Isak jokes and his mom cuddles him closer.

“I loved it, baby. I would never lie to you.” Marianne says and brushes his fingers through Isak's curls.

“Yeah that's exactly what a mom's supposed to say.” Isak says and he knows that he's mom's probably rolling her eyes, and he's happy about this little glimpse of normalcy “Anyway, there's something I need to ask you and I really need you to be honest with me, mamma. Like really fucking honest.”

“Language, Issy.” Marianne sighs and Isak rolls his eyes “Sorry.”

Isak leans forward and he turns around so he can look his mother in the eyes “Promise me to be honest.” He holds out his pinky, like he did when he was a little boy, his mom hooks her pinky with his and says “Pinky swear.”

“Okay. So you remember Even's birthday gift, right? That trip to Italy?” Isak speaks his words cautiously, studying his mother's face closely for any change in her expression.

A smile appears on her lips and she asks “When are you going, Issy?”

Isak raises his brows and he blinks a few times “What? So that means you're okay with it?”

“Of course I am, baby. I encouraged Even to do this trip with you, since I thought you two could need the time together since Even's going to Uni in fall. That means you're not seeing each other that often anymore, so I thought this trip would be good for you two. I don't know why it took you so long to finally agree on it.”

Isak looks down on his hands, he nervously starts to pick on the skin around his nails “I felt like it wasn't quite right to go on a trip and have fun when you're not doing well.” Isak dares to speak out what he really feels, and he doesn't know if it's quite right to tell her this, probably not, but it's out now and he can't take it back.

Marianne takes Isak's hands and gently squeezes them “Issy, please, I need you to listen to me, okay?” She waits 'til Isak looks up in her eyes and lightly nods “Please don't stop living your life because I'm not doing that well, you're young you shouldn't worry about all this.”

“But you're my mom and I should be here for you.” Isak protests with a quiet voice, he knows he should do more for her, he feels ashamed and looks back down to his lap.

Marianne let's go of one of his hands, she brushes her hand over Isak's hair before she places it under Isak's chin and gently lifts it up, making him look at her “You're doing more than enough, Isak. I don't like the thought, that you're hanging around the apartment because you're worried about me.”

“I'm sorry, mamma.” Isak says and he really is.

“Don't be sorry, baby, I know you're worried, but you shouldn't stop your life, I don't like seeing you like that. And it doesn't mean that you're a bad son, when you're out there living your life and having some fun.” Marianne says, her voice so soft, and Isak quickly wipes away the tears in the corner of his eyes.

“I want you to go on that trip and have the time of your life.” she smiles at Isak, and Isak leans forward and hugs his mom “I love you, mamma.”

“I love you too, baby.” Marianne whispers and places a kiss on Isak's curls.

.

Isak wakes up on his father's side of the bed, he can't tell what time it is, but it feels like he has slept for a few hours, he runs his fingers over his eyes and yawns.

He turns to take a look at his mom, she's sound asleep and she looks a little more relaxed than she did in the morning when he came in here.

Isak gets as quiet and slow out of his parents bed as he can and makes his way out of the room, as soon as he's out in the hall he can hear voices coming from the kitchen. He follows them and is surprised when he sees Eva sitting at the kittchen table, chatting along with his dad.

A smile spreads across her face when she sees Isak, she stands up and wraps her arms around him “Hei. You didn't answer my texts so I came down, I hope that's okay.”

“Of course.” Isak nods and he looks at his father, who's standing at the stove, stirring in one of the pots “Hei, pappa.”

“Hei, Issy.” Terje smiles softly at him “You hungry? I'm making spaghetti.”

“Sounds good, do you need any help?” Isak asks and walks up to him, to take a look at the pots standing on the stove. He can't lie, it looks fucking delicious, he looks at his father and huffs out a chuckle “So you made this?”

Isak knows his father is a terrible cook, he always tries but well it never tastes any good, it's sometimes eatable but not exactly a treat for your taste buds.

Terje looks at him with raised brows “What? You don't think I can make spaghetti?”

Isak turns his head to look at Eva, she has a wide grin on her lips and Isak can tell that she's holding back her laughter “Pappa, the last time you tried to make them, you almost set the noodles on fire.”

“Okay, okay.” Terje holds his hands up in surrender "Eva helped with the sauce, but I took care of the noodles.” Terje says proudly, Isak and Eva both bark out a laugh.

“Skills come with practice, Terje. Next time I can show you how to make tortilla.” Eva winks and smiles sweetly at Isak's dad.

“Don't get sassy, Eva.” Isak’s dad raises one of his brows, but then he chuckles as well, and in this little moment Isak can feel that the earth starts spinning again in the Valtersen apartment, it feels like it doesn't stand still any longer.

.

“Is it okay if I kidnap Isak for a few hours?” Eva asks while she collects the empty plates from the table and puts them in the dishwasher.

Isak looks at her with raised brows, he didn’t know that Eva had plans with him today, actually he wanted to chill and watch a movie or two.

“It’s more than okay, you kids should go out there and enjoy the sun, it’s a beautiful day.” Terje says, he lays his hand on Isak’s shoulder and gently squeezes it, like he wants to reassure his son that it’s really okay if he goes out and has some fun.

“Thanks, Terje. See you later.” Eva smiles at Isak’s dad and then she grabs Isak’s hand, leads him out the kitchen.

.

“Where are we going, Eva?” Isak asks, while the walk along they sidewalk beside each other.

“Tomorrow's Vilde's birthday and since it's a weekday we want to keep it chill and have a birthday-hangout in the park.” Eva smiles at him and links her arm with Isak's.

“Are these birthday-hangouts in the park going to be our squad's thing?” Isak smiles at her, lightly squeezing her arm.

“Everyone loved the hangout on your birthday, so I thought it would be nice to have that again.” Eva suddenly stops her steps and looks in Isak's eyes, Isak can't place the look on her face “I hope that's okay that I'm dragging you there, I just figured it could be, you know, a bit fun.”

Isak smiles at his best friend and lays his hands on her shoulders “It's chill, Evie. Thanks for dragging me there.”

Eva relaxes again and the smile comes back to her lips “Okay. Then let's go.”

“Let's go.” Isak echoes, links Eva's arm with his again and they continue their way to the park.

.

“Is it weird that I want a partner who’s a bit like my dad?” Isak asks without thinking, he needs this question to be out of his head and Eva is the only one he would talk to about this, because he knows there will be no judgment coming from her side and she knows his parents as if they were her own.

Eva chuckles a little, her head is rested on Isak’s thigh and he’s playing with a strand of her long maroon hair “Remember when I went through that phase as well, geez I admired your dad so much when I was twelve, he was kinda my hero, my idol.”

Isak huffs out a chuckle “Eeww, don’t remind me of that, that was awkward as fuck. You also said you wanted to marry my dad.” Now they’re both laughing.

“Is, you know you can’t marry your dad, that’s illegal, I’m sorry, though.” Eva jokes and Isak throws the grass, that he just pulled out, at her face.

“Hey, that wasn’t nice.” she pouts and leans up to pick the grass out of her hair and from her clothes, Isak chuckles, but helps her doing it.

When they’re done Eva leans back down and smiles up at Isak “But now seriously, I get what you mean, Is. Your dad has this soft spot for your mom, he’s so caring and loving, especially when she’s not doing that well. It’s like he knows exactly when to make her laugh and when to be quiet and just be there for her.” Eva says, pulls out a blade of grass and starts playing with it.

“Mmh.” Isak knew that Eva would get what he means by saying that he wants his partner to be a bit like his dad.

“And no it’s not weird, Is. It’s actually pretty cute.” Eva grins at him “Is there someone? Do you want to tell me something?”

“No there’s not, I was just thinking about it the other day.” Isak sighs and before this can get any deeper and Eva starts asking him about Even, he quickly adds “Didn’t you say the others would come any second?”

“Yeah, it’s been already half an hour, maybe Vilde can’t decide what to wear, like always. And I bet Magnus is holding back the guys, because he's freaking out over his birthday present for Vilde.” Eva rolls her eyes, but lightly chuckles.

Isak nods approvingly and joins her light giggling, then they both close their eyes and enjoy the sun burning down on them.

Isak’s happy that Eva brought him out here, spending most of their summer afternoons in the park is one of his favorite memories. Somehow the days in the park remind him of better days, when life was easier and not that fucking complicated.

.

“Happy Birthday, Vilde.” everyone shouts in unison as the clock shows 00:00, Vilde's excitedly clapping her hands together, a bright smile on her face.

Isak smiles to himself, Vilde's reaction couldn't be more different than his own four weeks ago.

The whole squad walks up to Vilde and wraps her in warm hugs and congratulates her, Isak's one of the last and he steps up to her with a big smile on his lips.

He wraps his arms around her and whispers beside her ears “I wish you the happiest birthday, Vilde.”

“Thank's, Is.” she smiles brightly at him when they let go.

Isak never thought one day he would be that close to Vilde that they would actually spend their birthday's together. When he first met her, he thought she was that close minded, dumb, blond dolly girl par excellence. But after a few conversations with her, he knew that she's just desperately trying to fit in and sometimes she's getting so insecure about herself that she ends up saying the wrong things to the wrong people, unconsciously. Isak knows she's a kindhearted girl, who's just trying to find her place in the world.

The party, okay the chill hangout, continues and they pop a bottle of champagne for the girls, Isak and the rest of the boys crack open some cans of beer.

“To Vilde.” Eva shouts and the rest parrots “To Vilde.” They chink their cups, filled with champagne and their cans of beer.

 

***  
_**4 weeks ago** _

_“It's 00:00.” Eva shouted, a smile from ear to ear on her lips as she ran toward Isak, who was talking to Jonas about his trip to Copenhagen with Eva._

_Isak knitted his brows, he didn't quite understand what was going on, but he caught Eva, who was running right into his arms to hug the shit out of him. Isak was surprised that they didn't fall, but he was even more surprised about the words Eva cheered beside his ear “Happy Birthday.”_

_He really forgot that it was his birthday, between all the worries about his mom it totally slipped out of his mind._

_Isak hugged her even tighter and Eva whispered in his ear “I wish you all the best, Issy.”_

_When they let go, Isak took her hands and smiled at her “Thank you, Evie. Is that why you invited everyone to hang out?”_

_Eva nodded “Yes, I figured a hangout on your birthday's eve in the park surrounded by your friends is what you could use right now. Since I think that you want to spend your actual birthday at home with your mom.” Eva said softly and squeezed Isak's hands, Isak pulled her into another hug and whispered “You're really the best, thanks. I love you, girl.”_

_“Hey girl, there are other people as well.” Sana said, raising one of her brows at them. Isak saw that all his friends stood around him, ready to wish him a Happy Birthday._

_Isak got a hug from every single one of them, and he melted into every single one, asking himself what he had done right to deserve these bunch of good people._

_The last one was Even and his smile was so bright, that Isak couldn't help but beam back at him, Even wrapped his arms around him and whirled him around, when they came to hold again, Even whispered in Isak’s ear “Happy Birthday, baby.” And then he placed a kiss on Isak’s cheek. Isak didn't know what made him more flushed, the fact that Even just had called him baby, or that he had kissed him on the cheek._

_Isak could feel the flaming heat coloring his cheeks in a dark red, and he was thankful as fuck that there was just the small lamppost spending some light._

_“Thank you, Ev.” Isak whispered shyly when he found his voice again, Even reached out his hand and ran his thumb over Isak's cheek and for a short second Isak thought that Even was going to kiss him. And there was nothing he wished more for than a kiss from Even on his birthday, but he knew that this wish would never come true._

.

____________________________

**Eva 1:29**

 

I hope you liked my surprise :)

I loved it, Evie ♥  
Thank you sm, girl :-*

Everything for you ♥

  
♥♥♥♥

____________________________

  
_“I guess Eva’s surprise-birthday-hangout did actually surprise you, huh?” Even sat down beside Isak and he was so close to him that their thighs were touching._

_“Yeah, with all the things going on at home, I totally forgot that it’s my birthday, you know.” Isak admitted and leaned back on his hands, his eyes looking up in the night sky._

_“I figured. The look on your face said it all. How’s your mom doing?” Even asked, and Isak could feel the other boy’s eyes on him._

_“Not that good, I think.” Isak answered and ran his fingers through his hair.  
_

_“If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know, yeah? I’m here.” Even smiled softly at him._

_In this moment Isak's heart got flooded with so much affection for his best friends that it felt like it was about to burst at any second in his chest. First Eva, staying at his almost all night, trying to distract him with watching random videos on YouTube and organizing that birthday-hangout and the hundred so so warming hugs he had received from her that day. And then Even, calling him baby and kissing him on the cheek and his worry about Isak’s mom. Isak really didn’t know what, but he might had done something right in his life to deserve calling people like Eva and Even his best friends._

_“Thanks, Ev.” Isak wrapped his arms around Even and hugged him tightly, Even didn’t hesitate to hug him back even tighter “Honestly, thank you so fucking much.”_

***

 

Isak walks up to the lake in the park, getting a few meters between the squad and him, he sits down at the banks and throws some stones in the water, thinking about his mom's words in the morning.

“ _I encouraged Even to do this trip with you, since I thought you two could need the time together since Even's going to Uni in fall. That means you're not seeing each other that often anymore, so I thought this trip would be good for you two.”_

A part of Isak asks himself if his mom actually knows about his feelings for the other boy, her words lightly indicate it, but probably he's just putting more into her words than there really is. Isak hasn't even told her that he's gay, but probably she already knows, or it could be that he gave too much away with the story he told her this morning.

He takes a sip from his beer and pulls out the phone from the pocket of his jeans, he smiles when he sees there's a text from Even.

 ____________________________

**Even 00:39**

You guys still at the park?

Yep. Finally free?

Yes, need a beer to wash this day down

Hurry up then

Be there in 10 :)

:)

____________________________

He smiles to himself, he missed Even at Vilde's birthday-hangout, but he had one of these family days with his mom, siblings and his mom's new boyfriend, Sondre, and Hedda insisted on him spending the whole day with them.

Isak decides to smoke a cigarette while he waits for the other boy, he sighs as he sees that there are only eight cigarettes left and he already hates the deal he made with Even back on his birthday. He really cut his smoking down, considering that this will be the last package he's ever bought, but in situations like this he likes to have a smoke, and he knows that he's really going to fucking miss it.

 

*** _  
**4 weeks ago** _

_“Another one before we head home?” Even asked, Isak nodded and grabbed the cigarette Even was reaching him and placed it on his lips._

_The other boy leaned even closer to give him light and for a second Isak forgot that he had to drag so the cigarette actually starts to burn._

_He coughed awkwardly and pressed out “Fuck me, I should really stop with that shit.”_

_Even huffed out a chuckle beside him before he lighted his own cigarette “A good birthday resolution, though.”_

_“Do you mean something like a New Year’s resolution, just that you make it on your birthday?” Isak raised his brows at Even._

_“Exactly, you’re a real genius, Isak Valtersen.” Even teased and Isak rolled his eyes._

_“But if I stop you have to, as well. I mean you’re the reason I started in the first place.” Isak said and nudged his shoulder against Even’s._

_“Of course give the cool, new kid the fault.” Even barked out a laugh._

_“First of all you’re not the new kid, you moved here half a year ago and second you’re not cool, though.” Even gently shoved his shoulder and Isak grinned “And you’re the older one, so that means you’re the bad influence here. Sorry, but I don't make the rules, Ev.”_

_“Okay, okay, smartass.” Even laughed “So these packages will be our last ones ever, deal?” Even raised one of his brows._

_“Wouldn’t it be more effective if we would make these our last cigarettes? You called it birthday resolution so I should start today, shouldn’t I?” Isak gave Even a mocking half smile._

_“Nah, that would only be a waste of money, Is. We just bought them.” Even chuckled._

_“Okay, well, then these will be our last packages of cigarettes. Ever.”_

_“Deal.” Even stretched his hand out and Isak took it “Deal.”_

***

 

“Thought I would find you here.” Even smiles down at Isak and sits down beside him “Already sick of the squad?”

“No, I just needed a breather, I guess.” Isak gives Even a half smile.

“A breather, I see.” Even snorts and nods toward the stumped out cigarette at Isak's other side “How many do you have left, Is?”

“Seven.” Isak sighs and throws a stone into the water.

“Five.” Even exhales loudly and Isak looks at him, he knits his brows and studies Even's face for a few breaths.

“That awful?” Isak asks.

“You can fucking bet, I hate this guy so much. I'm really trying my best, but I just can't get why mom's so into him. He's so fucking... ugh I don't even know how to describe this man anymore.” Even sighs and he leans back on his back, covering his eyes with one of his arms.

“I'm sorry, Ev.” Isak says, lays back as well and turns his head to look at the other boy.

Even exhales loudly, takes his arm away from his eyes and looks at Isak “It's not your fault, that my mom has a terrible taste in men.”

“I wish I could do something about it. I hate seeing you like this.” Isak says and he takes Even's hand in his and squeezes it gently.

And there is this feeling again, helplessness mixed with futility and a pinch of guilt, he can't really help his mom, he can't really help Even, sometimes he really feels fucking useless.

Even smiles at him, his gaze soft, so fucking soft, Isak feels like he's melting, and he can't help but mirror his smile.

The other boy reaches out his hand and traces along Isak's lips with his thumb “Your smile does a pretty great job making me feel better, Is.”

Isak doesn't know what to say, he's just staring in Even's blue eyes, they're so fucking blue Isak wouldn't mind drowning in them. He gets what Even means, Isak loves to see his smile as well, it always makes him feel better - and it makes him fall for Even more and more, but well Even doesn't need to know that.

He takes Even's hand in his and places a soft kiss on his knuckles, Even shifts an inch closer and his face is so close that Isak can feel Even's breath on his lips.

Isak thinks that his birthday wish is going to fulfill in any second - four weeks too late, but that doesn't matter - Isak can feel Even's nose brushing against his own, but the magic disappears as someone's shouting his name. He lets out a deep sigh, altough he more feels like screaming from frustration, and Even exhales loudly “Seems like they're missing you.”

.

Isak’s lying in his bed, his eyes staring into the darkness, thinking about the almost kiss with Even a few hours ago. He can still feel Even's thumb drawing along his bottom lip, he can still feel Even's breath on them, he can still feel Even's nose gently touching his. He closes his eyes and sighs, Even wanted to kiss him too, right? He didn't imagine this, no way he fucking imagined this. In this moment Isak decides that he's ready for Even's birthday gift, he's ready to go on this trip with him, his mom's doing much better already and he needs to find out if there's more between them than just a close friendship.

He grabs his phone from under his pillow and opens the conversation with Even.

____________________________

**Even 2:57**

Are you awake?

Yeah  
What's up?

Can you come to my window?  
Gotta tell you something :)

Okay  
That conversation seems familiar

Hurry up, before I change my mind.

Most commanding 18-year old I know

Haha, I mean it

omw

____________________________

  
*** _  
**4 weeks ago** _

_Isak was so concentratd staring at his ceiling, that he startled when his phone pinged beside him. He grabbed it and narrowed his eyes when he unlocked the screen 'cause the light was blinding him, it felt like he was looking right into the fucking sun._

____________________________

**Even 02:43**

Are you asleep?

Open the window then :)

That’s what a clown would say, tho

Geez, just open the window

So commanding

Isak

Even

Okay I’m keeping your present then  
BYE

____________________________

  _Isak got up from his bed, walked up to the window and opened it, Even was standing out there at the platform of the scaffold and smiled at him “Halla.”_

_“What are you doing here, Even?” Isak chuckled and he climbed out to Even on the platform._

_“I’m giving you your present.” Even answered._

_“Ev, you didn't have to.” Isak said and he could feel that he blushed a little._

_“It's not only from me, though, it's also from your dad and mom, my mom and Eva.” Even smiled at him and Isak raised one of his brows._

_“Now you made me curious.”_

_The smile on Even's lips got even wider when he reached Isak an envelope._

_Isak didn't hesitate to take it, he opened it and pulled out a drawing from Even. It showed two boys in trunks on a beach, Isak's eyes widened and he almost let out a shout of joy._

_“No way, does it mean what I think it means? No it doesn't, right?” Isak rambled excited, trying his best to keep his voice down._

_“Yeah it means what you think, Is. Eva helped me a bit, but just a tiny bit, though.” Even smiled brightly and Isak jumped right into his arms._

_Isak had always wanted to go to Italy, he had told Even about his dream a few weeks ago, when they had been smoking weed at Even's spot. And Even had really remembered, he had really remembered how much Isak wanted to go there, and now he actually gave him this for his birthday._

_“That's fucking awesome, Ev.” Isak cheered beside Even's ear and the other boy squeezed him tightly against him before he let go of him._

_And suddenly Isak got catapulted back to reality, he couldn't leave, he couldn't go with Even to Italy, he needed to be there for his mom. He couldn't just fuck off and leave her there, while he was going to have fun with his best friend._

_Even recognized the sudden change in his mood and he laid his hands on Isak's shoulders “Don't worry about your mom, Is. I already talked to her and your dad, both of them said it's okay. Your mom was actually pretty excited, when I told her about my plans and your dad was as well.”_

_Isak swallowed he didn't know what to say, he looked at Even's drawing again, it was so fucking beautiful and he really wanted to go there with Even, it was just something in him that suddenly held him back to say fucking yes._

_“I'd really really loved to go there with you, you know that, it's just...” Isak sighed and he felt so ungrateful, 'cause he knew that Even put so much effort in this present “I don't know. It feels wrong to go and have fun while she's here, fighting her depression.” Isak admitted and he didn't look at Even, his eyes were pinned to his drawing, studying all the fine lines Even's finger have drawn._

_“Is, don't worry about it. I'm ready to go whenever you're ready. We can go there whenever you want, it doesn't have to be tomorrow, we can go there next year as well.” Even said and Isak looked up into his blue eyes, the glance in them so soft, like always._

_“Okay.” Isak breathed and Even wrapped him in another hug, and Isak was more than thankful for his words and his comfort._

_“Now we're going to watch one of my boring movies so you can catch some sleep, I don't want you to look like a zombie on your birthday.” Even whispered in Isak's ear and he could hear that Even was smiling._

***

 

“Hei.” Even whispers as he walks as quietly as possible along the platform of the scaffold in front of Isak's window.

“Hei.” Isak whispers back and gives Even a smile, he pats the spot beside him, indicating Even to take a seat.

Even slowly lets his body sink beside Isak, his eyes curiously looking at him “So what do you want to tell me?”

“I wanted to know what you're doing from 10th to 18th August?” Isak asks nonchalan0tly and Even doesn't seem to quite get it 'cause he looks at Isak with a questioningly look on his face. Isak doesn't mind that he's not getting it right away, considering the late time.

“Uhm I don't know?” Even says and it sounds more like a question, and when Isak smiles brightly at him, Even seems to understand what he's trying to say here and suddenly his face lights up “Wait, does this mean? Are we?”

“Yes, we're going to Italy, Ev.” Isak beams at his best friend.

Even jumps up, and Isak can see that he's about to let out a loud cheer, but he seems to remember that he can't, or else he'll wake up the whole fucking complex, so he decides to raise his fist in the air.

Isak chuckles to himself and stands up as well, Even turns to him and he pulls him in a tight hug “It's going to be fucking awesome, Is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, leaving comments and kudos, peeps.. it means a lot ♥  
> And of course as always I hope you liked the new chapter and I hope the whole thing with the flashbacks wasn't too confusing :)


	6. I think I might be in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is.. their trip to Italy :)  
> It actually turned out longer than expected, so I decided to split it in two chapters.  
> Enjoy ♡

****

* * *

 

**Even  
22:29**

 

Ready for tomorrow?

I guess, yeah

Excuse you, more enthusiasm please

Better? :)

Much better :)

Why are you even asking? You know that I'm excited af

There you go, that's all I wanted to read

Sometimes you're a real pain in the ass

Haha, yeah, but you still love me

Good night, Even

Night, Is ♥

 ____________________________

 

Isak's looking out the window as they're on their way to the airport, his right foot's nervously bouncing up and down, he has never been on a plane and to be honest he's freaking out a bit about that fact.

Even places his hand on Isak's knee and gently squeezes it “Are you nervous, Is?”

“No.” Isak says and lightly shakes his head, but he doesn't look at Even, he keeps his gaze out the window.

“Fy faen, Is. You're such a bad liar.” Even scoffs.

Isak turns his head to look at him, he knits his eyebrows and looks down at his hand “Yeah okay, I might be a little nervous about the flight.” he admits and he feels so stupid, he's a big boy, he shouldn't be nervous about something ridiculous like a flight, right?

Isak's eyes dart up as Even grabs his hand, the other boy smiles at him “It's half as bad as you imagine it to be, Is. You can hold my hand if you want.” Even's expression is so soft and Isak can't do anything else than nod and smile “Okay, sounds like a plan, though.”

.

As they enter the airport, Isak's eyes look around for their check-in, but he quickly realizes that he doesn't even know where their flight will exactly go, he just knows that they're going to somewhere in Italy. Isak checks the screens, which show all the planned flights for the day.

He turns his head to Even and asks “Are you gonna tell me now, where we're going?”

“Take a guess.” Even smiles and Isak looks back at the screens.

He bites down his bottom lip and squints his eyes “Hmm I kinda torn between Rome and Verona, since we watched Call me by your name and Romeo and Juliette.”

“I see you got the hints then, huh?” Even chuckles and nudges his shoulder against Isak's.

“So I'm right?” Isak smiles at Even.

“Yeah, but which one do you choose?” Even asks and Isak can see that he's kind of nervous, so Isak will try really hard to not fuck this guess up, he doesn't want Even to think that he doesn't want to go where his best friend had planned to go.

“Uhm since you’re a sucker for tragic love stories and Baz Luhrmann is your favorite director, I'll take a guess on Verona.” Isak says and it's more a question than an actual guess.

The smile on Even's face says it all, Isak guessed right “You should become a detective, Isak.” Isak makes a face at Even, but he chimes in his light chuckling.

“So do you like it or do you rather want to go to Rome?” Even asks, again that nervous expression on his face.

Isak lightly shakes his head and smiles at him “Verona sounds perfect.” And honestly Isak doesn't really care where they're going, as long as it's with Even – he would go to the end of the earth with him.

.

As the plane slowly starts rolling along the runway, Isak can feel the nervousness growing bigger and bigger in his stomach, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to breathe the upcoming anxiety away.

“Everything okay, Is?” Even asks quietly beside him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, just a bit nervous.” Isak whispers and starts chewing on his inner cheek.

Even grabs Isak's hand and gently squeezes it “As promised.”

“Thanks, Ev.” Isak manages a small smile and squeezes Even's hand back.

.

As they step out the plane, out on the fresh air, Isak takes a deep, relieved breath, if the ground wouldn’t be so gross and dirty Isak would kiss it.

“That bad?” Even asks, light amusement in his voice.

“No, but not good either.” Isak says and smiles weakly at his best friend. He held Even's hand the whole flight, that means two hours and forty minutes, and he's not even embarrassed about that fact.

The flight wasn't that bad, fortunately they didn't get in any turbulence or shit like that, but it still wasn't quite an enjoyable experience for Isak, he didn't hate it, but he didn't love it either and probably he will never be able to fully relax on a plane.

They get their suitcase from the baggage claim and Isak wants to get straight out of the airport, but Even grabs his arm to stop him “Wait a second, we need to head over there.”

“Okay.” Isak nods, but internally he curses a bit 'cause after this flight the urgency to smoke a cigarette is barely bearable.

Even makes his way to one of these rental car offices and Isak follows him, but not all the way, he stays out in the hall, sitting down on his suitcase, letting Even take care of things. His eyes are lazily looking around the airport while Even talks to the girl behind the counter, as the girl chuckles, Isak’s head turns to look at them.

Even has a smug smile on his lips as he speaks to the girl in English, Isak exhales loudly and he can't deny that this sight stings a bit, he knows Even's nice to everyone, but he's obviously flirting with this beautiful Italian girl.

The need to smoke a cigarette gets bigger and bigger as he watches the two, he takes his eyes off of them, grabs out his phone and uses the time while he waits to send his mom a text.

 

 ____________________________

**Mamma  
17:21**

Just landed in Verona and I'm still in one piece. Hugs

Awww Verona, how lovely. Enjoy your trip, honey. We love you, hugs

____________________________

 

Isak smiles at the screen, and before he puts it away he decides to check his social media, because he can still hear Even talk-flirting with the girl behind the counter.

“Ready?” Even asks and Isak startles a bit, he didn't hear the other boy walking up to him.

“Yeah, been ready for quite some time, but obviously Mr. Charming needed to make an entrance.” Isak sighs and it sounds more bitter than a joke, he hopes that Even doesn't catch that bitter nuance in his tone.

The other boy chuckles lightly “Okay, let's get outta here.” if he noticed the undertone in Isak's words, he doesn't show it and Isak is thankful, that he doesn't comment it. Jesus, he really needs to get a grip and stop acting like a jealous boyfriend.

.

“So you rented this huge car to get to our hotel? Couldn't we just get there with the bus, a cab or something?” Isak breaths out the smoke of his well-deserved cigarette, raising his brows at Even.

“We actually have an one-hour ride in front of us.” Even gives him an apologetic smile.

“So we're not staying in Verona?”

“Nope.” is the only thing Even says and he shrugs his shoulders “I thought we should take things a bit chill at first. Sunbathing, swimming and stuff like that before we discover the secrets of Verona in the boiling August heat.”

“You really put some thoughts in this, huh?” Isak smirks, taking another drag from his cigarette – the third last in his package.

“Only for you, Is.” the way Even says these words, lets Isak's knees almost give in, he stares at the other boy for a few seconds without saying anything, he just blinks a few times like a complete idiot.

The moment Even's smile gets brighter Isak's ability to speak seems to eventually be back, he awkwardly clears his throat and says “Let's ride.”

.

Although the drive to Lago di Garda only takes one hour Isak still managed to fall asleep. He runs his hand over his face and yawns, before he opens his eyes. He turns his head to the driver's seat, but it's empty, he looks out the car windows but Even's not nowhere in sight.

Isak gets out in the still pretty warm air, he stretches his stiff neck and back. There's children's laughter down at the lakeshore and he hears people excitedly talking Italian. He takes a deep breath, breathing in the Italian air – taking in the kinda spicy and salty nuances, it smells incredible here.

As he turns back to the car he sees Even walking toward him, a full packed bag in one hand and a tray with two coffee mugs in the other “Well rested?”

“Yeah, pretty much, sorry though.” Isak runs his fingers through his hair.

“Don't worry.” Even smiles and climbs on the hood of the car, sitting down there cross legged and Isak follows.

The older boy reaches Isak a coffee and a sandwich, he takes a sip and breaths “Thanks, Ev.”

They eat their sandwiches and drink their coffee in a comfortable silence, watching the people down at the lakeshore – children running giggling into the water and worried, slightly panicking parents running after them.

“Couples are gross, aren’t they?” Even nudges Isak’s shoulder and nods in the direction of a young couple, getting all hot in the water, not far away from two little kids.

“Jesus, they’re so occupied with eating each other’s faces that they don’t even notice these poor kids. They’ll be scarred for life, seeing two horny people getting it on in the water.” Isak dramatically jokes and Even almost chokes on a bite of his sandwich.

Isak raises his brows “What? You mind them getting it on in the water? Is there someone jealous?” Isak teases his friend.

Even rolls his eyes “Says the one, who complains when people make out at the school yard.”

He’s right, he doesn’t like it when people start to almost dry hump on each other in school, but it feels different here, it must be the air or something “But we’re not at a school yard. We’re in the land of pizza, pasta und amore. And that’s literally the amore part, I guess.” Isak laughs.

“Yeah and it seems like they’re getting a good meal too, no pizza or pasta, but well, it seems they’re enjoying it nevertheless.” Even shrugs and huffs out a chuckle.

“You’re such an idiot, Ev.” Isak laughs and takes the last bite of his sandwich, when he has swallowed it, he grins “Are we staying here to watch how far they will go or..?”

Even’s head turns to look back at him, there’s a smile on his lips as he says “Nah, I’d say we’ll rent one of these.” Even nods toward a small stony peninsula surrounded by paddleboats.

“I want one with a slide, though.” Isak grins and they make their way over there.

.

It’s already dark, and usually they should’ve brought the paddleboat already back to the renter, but he gave them a flashlight and told them to bring the boat back in one piece whenever they want. Isak doesn't know if Even actually paid the man to let them have the boat for as long as they want or if that guy's just chill as fuck.

They’re lying at the back of the paddleboat, both of them still a little damp from swimming and messing around with the slide.

“You already found your star, Ev?” Isak asks, turning his head to look at him, and apparently he's searching the sky for it.

“Yes, and it shines brighter than ever.” Even answers and even though darkness is surrounding them Isak can see that he’s smiling.

Isak mirrors his smile and looks back up at the sky, the stars seem to be brighter here, but that’s probably just his imagination. Even still hasn’t told him where they’re sleeping, but in this right moment Isak doesn’t really care about that, he wouldn't even mind to sleep on that damn paddleboat.

.

They’re driving by a big yellow building that looks much like a hotel, Isak turns his head to Even and says “I think we just missed it.”

“Nope, we’re driving to a parking lot, Is.” Even takes his eyes off the street for a second to smile at Isak.

“A parking lot?” Isak raises his brows.

“Yeah.” and with that Even turns left and the car comes to a hold.

Isak gets out the car, closes the door and leans against it, his eyes wander around, there’s nothing than darkness surrounding them, he looks down the street, he can’t even see the hotel from here. “You’ve already been here before?” His voice sounds a little accusing and Isak wishes he could take his words back.

“Yeah I stayed with my dad’s family at the hotel, but I came up here alone.” Even answers while he makes his way to the trunk.

And that’s when Isak realizes that Even wants to sleep in the car, now he finally understands why Even rented such a big one for just the two of them, a smile creeps on his lips and he asks “We’re gonna sleep in the car?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you don’t want to, we can also rent a room at the hotel.” Even peaks out from behind the car and smiles at Isak.

“The car sounds fantastic, I always wanted to sleep in one when I was a kid.” Isak answers and probably that’s why Even arranged this, maybe Isak mentioned it in one of their countless conversations.

His heart feels like it’s been wrapped in a warm blanket, the thought that Even put so much effort in this trip so Isak would like it, makes his heart do stupid things in his chest and once more he asks himself if this is what someone would do for their ( _just)_ best friend. And yes Even would, because he’s that kind of person.

Isak’s sitting on the car roof, he wanted to help Even setting up their place to sleep for the night, but the other boy shooed him away, so he decided to climb up here and look at the stars, hoping this would calm his nerves down a bit.

The thought of sleeping with Even in the back of a car makes his heart racing, and at the same time he’s nervous as fuck, what if he does something embarrassing in his sleep. Sure they spent many nights in the same bed, but they offered more space than the trunk of this car.

Isak lets out an embarrassing loud squeal when something little, black is flying by, terrible close to his face – it almost flew in his face, though – he swirls his hands around his head just to be sure that whatever the fuck that was, is gone.

“That was just a bat, Is.” Even’s laughing so hard that he actually needs to hold his stomach and Isak's flips him off.

\--

Isak wakes up, the thin blanket sticking at his skin, he runs the back of his hands over is forehead, wiping away the thin layer of sweat there. When Even slightly moves beside him he notices that their limbs are kind of entangled, one of Isak's legs is resting between Even's. Isak swallows, this isn't the first time they share a bed together – okay this isn't quite a bed – but this never happened before, they always stayed at their side, though.

Isak tries to get his leg out between Even's without waking him up, he doesn't want Even to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed because of that and even less he wants to talk about their entangled limbs.

He looks at the other boys face, Even's eyes are moving behind his eyelids - he's dreaming, Isak asks himself about what. His eyes linger on Even's relaxed face for a little while longer, before they wander down his body - a thin layer of sweat is covering his skin. Isak's eyes follow down his chest, to his stomach, to the thin line of hair above the waistband of Even's boxers.

Even moves a bit and suddenly Isak realizes what he's actually doing here, he quickly takes his eyes off his best friend's body and his eyes dart back up to Even's face, making sure he didn't catch him staring shamelessly at him.

He grabs his shirt from the front seat and climbs out the back door on his side as quiet as possible. He stretches his body and the breeze feels refreshing, although it's already pretty warm outside.

Isak knows that it looks more than ridiculous - him standing there on a parking lot somewhere in Italy with just a shirt and his boxers on - but this what he feels in this right moment, it's what Isak would consider as pure and simple lightheartedness.

.

“Why does this all taste so fucking good?” Isak’s holding his hand in front of his full mouth, he swallows his bite and adds “I won’t fit in my clothes when we get home, though.”

“Nah, we’ll find a way to burn those calories.” Even winks and Isak looks away from his face to hide the high blush on his cheeks. He knows that Even doesn't mean what he has in mind, but there's something in Even's eyes that makes Isak believe that he actually does.

.

They’re standing in front of a fenced in property, the old, rusty fence is about 2 meters high, and it looks like it’s been years since the last time someone has been here.

Even throws his backpack over the fence and starts to climb up there, Isak looks at him with wide eyes and hisses “What are you doing, Even? We can’t just break in there.”

“That property belongs to Sondre, though, he said it’s okay to get in here.” Even winks at Isak.

“Why didn’t he give the keys for the lock?” Isak knits his eyebrows.

“He said he lost them.” Even jumps down at the other side of the fence and shrugs “Why are you so skeptical? Get your ass over the fence, I wanna go swimming.”

Isak rolls his eyes and climbs over the fence, they make their way through the wild, high grass, passing by peach trees, cherry trees and a tiny, green painted cabin.

Isak stays a bit behind his best friend, taking his time to memorize the landscape, the smell, all the impressions that are flooding his brain.

When Isak finds his way to the lakeshore, the older boy has already spread out their towels on the ground, he smiles at Isak “Ready to burn some calories?” The grin on Even's lips is challenging.

“Sure.” Isak lets his backpack fall down beside the towels, pulls the shirt over his head and starts running toward the water “Last one in, loses.”

.

“Wow you never cease to impress Isak Valtersen.” Even huffs out a laugh and Isak splashes some water in his face.

“I got a water droplet in my lungs.” he pouts and knits his eyebrows.

“A water droplet?” Even asks teasingly “Come on, you just suck at holding your breath.”

“Shut up, try it yourself then.” Isak laughs.

“Let's try it together, first one who gets up, pays the ice cream today.” Even wags his eyebrows.

Isak thinks about this for a few seconds, he narrows his eyes and says “Okay, but no cheating or cheap tricks, okay?” He knows Even well enough to know that he's a sore loser and wants to win this competition at all costs.

Even rolls his eyes and sighs “Okay, okay, no foul tricks.”

They dive under water and Isak knew right from the start that Even won't keep his promise and use cheap tricks to win this.

Isak dives up and takes a deep breath, Even follows right after with a big fat smile on his face “Yes, I won.”

“You won? You didn't, that was cheating, Ev. You started to fucking tickle me.” Isak huffs out a laugh.

“I didn't tickle you, Is, those were the fishes in the lake. Didn't you see them?” Even laughs and Isak rolls his eyes at him “You're unbelievable.”

“Hate the game, not the player.” Even smiles innocently.

Isak exhales loudly and makes his way out of the water, he turns around to Even and smiles “Come on, let's get that stupid ice cream I need to pay for, because apparently you're the master of holding your breath under water.”

“And you're going down in history as the boy, who couldn't hold his breathe under water, Is.” the smug grin on Even's face makes Isak want to say something stupid, but the words get stuck in his throat when he steps on something and a short but sharp pain's flashing through his foot.

“Shit.” he hisses and he makes his way out the water, lightly limping.

He sits down at the shore to take a look at his foot, there's a long, but thankfully not all too deep cut at the sole of his foot, but it's bleeding terrible.

“Shit, Is.” Even hisses as he sees Isak's injury, his face's pale and he looks like he's about to faint “We gotta bring you to a hospital or a doctor or something.”

“Ev, chill it's just a cut from a shell, nothing dramatic. Just get the medical kit from the car, okay?” Isak says as calmly as possible, 'cause he has the feeling that Even's internally freaking out.

“O.. okay.” Even stutters, his eyes pinned to Isak's bleeding foot, he seems hypnotized by the bloodstream.

“Even.” Isak snaps him out of his trance and the boy eventually starts to make his ways to the car.

In the mean time Isak limps to their towels and searches their backpacks for tissues or something with which he can cover his wound before Even comes back.

“What do you need?” Even asks, he's avoiding to look at Isak's foot, his eyes are pinned to his face.

“The bleeding got already less, give me one of these huge patches and a bandage, that should do it, though.” Isak says, he smiles at Even, trying to calm the other boy down a bit. He doesn't know why Even's so deeply freaked out about this, he doesn't know if it's because he can't see blood or if it's because he's injured.

Isak places the patch at the sole of his foot and as Even sees that he's struggling to put on the bandage himself, he takes it from Isak's hands and gently applies it.

“Sorry, I just can't see blood, it's..” Even whispers, he looks into Isak's eyes, there's so much sadness in them right now, that it breaks Isak's heart. It isn't just that Even can't see blood, there's something more behind this, but he won't ask, not now, instead he leans forward, places his hand on Even's shoulder and lightly squeezes it “It's okay, Ev. It's just a small cut. By the time I get married it'll be healed..” And then he wraps his arms around his best friend and hugs him tightly, 'cause he thinks that's what Even could use right now.

As they let go, the color's back in Even's face and he raises one of his brows “What's that even for a saying?”

Isak shrugs “I don't know, my grandma used to say this.”

.

Even opens the door to the green cabin, and they both step in, the air in there smells kind of used up and even a little dusty, Isak walks right up to the small windows and opens them, he turns around to look at Even and says “I guess this is where we sleep tonight?”

“Yeah, Sondre said there should be sleeping bags somewhere..” Even says but before he can go on, Isak interrupts him “Is it allowed to make a small bonfire here?”

.

They're lying at the shore, looking up at the sky yet again, like they already did probably more than a hundred times, it kinda became they're thing, looking together at the stars, looking out for something up there, looking for the right answers to the many many questions they have.

“You ever thought about parallel universes?” Isak asks, folding one of his arms under his head.

“Nah, kinda freaks me out to think about that.” Even answers, his voice hesitant.

“What do you mean with freaks you out? It's so interesting, though.”

“Yeah not like when you watch a horror movie, just like, I don't know. Thinking about that makes me feel so insignificant and I don't like feeling that way.” Even answers and Isak turns his head to look at him, he studies his face for a while.

“I would rather say we're just tiny part of something so much bigger. All these universes, where everything that can happen, is happening, like just right now.” Isak eventually says and he smiles at the other boy “For example there's an Isak and an Even lying like this, just like that the color of their sleeping bags is different.”

“So yellow sleeping bags?” Even mirrors Isak's smile and he turns to face Isak completely.

“Yeah, yellow sleeping bags.” Isak nods.

.

The fire is about to go out, and Isak's poking it with a stick, trying to keep it alive for a few more minutes. Even's sleeping behind him, wrapped in his zipped open sleeping bag. There's too much going on in Isak's mind to fall asleep, he's thinking about his mom, he knows she's doing better, but still there's some kind of worry in the back of his mind. He's thinking about Even, like so many nights, but tonight he's not wondering about the feelings from the other boy, tonight he wonders why Even almost freaked out when he saw the blood from the cut, why he was so hypnotized by it.

“Is?” Isak startles as he hears Even's sleepy voice behind him, he turns around and smiles weakly at the other boy “Can't you sleep?”

“Nah. Too much going on in there.” Isak answers and taps his finger against the side of his head.

“Come here.” Even says, he shifts a bit aside and holds out his arms, inviting him.

Isak slips under the sleeping-bag-blanket to Even and the other boy cuddles up to him from behind and wraps his arm around him.

He feels like wrapped in a warm cocoon, Even's arm feels so nice around him and his tensed body starts to relax immediately, slowly melting into the other boy's embrace.

“Night, Is.” Even whispers and a warm shudder runs down Isak's spine as Even's warm breaths tickles his the hair in his neck.

“Night, Ev.” Isak whispers back and it doesn't take long 'til he falls asleep in Even's embrace.

\--

“Are we spending another night in the car? Just in Verona this time?” Isak asks Even, who's steering the vehicle along the highway back to Verona.

“Nah, I booked a hotel for Verona. You'll like it. And if not we got the car as an alternative.” Even smiles and yet Isak gets overwhelmed by the thought that Even arranged all this here for him, his best friend, just best friend.

Isak's eyes linger at Even's profile for a few heartbeats too long, and the other boy seems to have noticed Isak's staring, 'cause he turns his head for a short second to look at him “What's up?”

“Nothing, it's just...” Isak nervously fumbles around his shorts, he looks away from Even and then he eventually manages to form some words “Thank's for all of this, Ev.”

“You're very welcome, Isak.” Even smiles softly and Isak wants to wrap him in a hug, but he doesn't, too afraid to cause a car crash or something like that.

.

Their first day back in Verona consists of typical tourist stuff, they buy tickets for a hop on hop off bus and make their way around the city to see all the different sights.

The Arena Verona is the sight that fascinated Isak the most, that big impressive building had something drawing at it, Isak's standing in front of it and he can't do anything else than stare at it - and he does for good twenty minutes, and in this minute Isak wishes he could draw, he would love to be able to draw this impressive building. He can't explain why it has this magical impact on him, but it fascinates something deep down in him.

And it's not only the Arena Verona that leaves an impression on the boy, it's also the whole city that deeply fascinates him. Everything around here feels so deeply romantic, it feels like the time stood still for a while and they're in a different time, a time where people still believe in true love and something like soulmates. It feels like time's ticking a little slower around here, at least it feels like that for Isak.

Isak's feeling all these things and he asks himself if you can actually fall in love with a place, if that's possible than Isak's definitely has lost his heart to Verona.

.

The sun is slowly disappearing behind the city, and still her light is diving the river in its glowing, reddish light, and it looks stunningly beautiful.

Isak leans his hands on the stone walls of the bridge, cupping his chin with one of his hands, he takes in the stunning view and once more he wishes that he could take picture with his eyes. This is the perfectly beautiful ending for an awesome day.

“I think I might be in love, Even.” Isak sighs and he looks at the other boy.

“Me too, Is, Verona is really something else, huh?” Even lays his arm around his shoulder.

It's silent for a few breaths between them, both boys enjoying the sunset in front of them.

Isak thinks about blurting his secret out, he could just do it, in this right moment. Only three words – I am gay – it could be so easy,  right? It isn't.

The other boy wouldn't mind, he's more than sure about that. It's just that Isak’s scared that it would change everything, anything. He’s scared that all the touches, hugs and cuddles he receives from him, will get reduced to a bare minimum or disappear completely, because of that fact. So Isak decides to stay silent, he decides to not ruin this right moment.

“This actually reminds me of Venice.” Even breaks the silence and thankfully drags Isak out of his train of thoughts.

“Does it? Never been to Venice, though.” Isak answers, his eyes still pinned to the beauty in front of him.

“Then we know where we’re going for our next trip.” Even says.

Isak turns his head, his eyes meet a smiling Even and his heart seems to stumble over itself in his chest “Next trip?”

“Yeah this is just the beginning, Is. The world wants to be explored.” Even’s smile gets even brighter.

“By us?” Isak huffs out a chuckle.

“Yes, by us.” Even cuddles him closer.

Isak takes his eyes off of his best friend and looks back at the sinking sun and whispers “I think that's the most beautiful I’ve ever seen.” He knows it's a blunt lie, because the most beautiful he ever laid his eyes on, is standing right next to him.

“It is beautiful, yeah, but I’ve seen something more beautiful, though.” Even whispers back.

“And what’s that?” Isak asks curiously.

“That’s my little secret, Is.” Even gently rubs Isak’s shoulder, and places a kiss on his curls.

\--

It’s wide after noon as they step out their hotel room and make their way to roam the small alleys of Verona, thanks to Isak, though, it was him, who forgot to set an alarm for the day. They overslept and lost half a day to sleeping, but both of them don’t really mind, especially not Isak, since that sleep was well needed.

Isak insists on eating something before they start another tour of sightseeing, so they’re sitting outside a little restaurant, Isak’s taking a sip of the sweet wine he ordered while his eyes are studying the menu. He’s indecisive what he should eat, because everything sounds delicious as fuck, but when he flips the page and reads “Life is short, eat dessert first.”, he knows what he’ll order.

As the waiter comes up to them Isak orders a tiramisu and Even does the same, he smiles at Isak and asks “You wanna share the lasagna afterwards?”

Isak mirrors his smile and nods “Yeah.”

.

They walk along Via Mazzini as the wound on Isak’s foot starts to hurt, he tries to ignore it, because he wants to walk around with Even, but eventually the point comes where he’s not able to step down on his foot without grimacing and inhale sharply. Apparently their sightseeing tour yesterday was a bit too much walking.

“Is everything okay?” Even looks at him, with a more than worried expression on his face.

“It’s just the foot, I think a need a short break, before we continue.” Isak tries to talk his pain down, trying to make that look on Even’s face go away.

“Okay let’s sit down over there for a while.” Even nods toward some stairs and they walk over there – Isak’s more limping than actually walking.

As soon as Isak sits, Even smiles at him and says “Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

“Very funny, though.” Isak rolls his eyes, but chuckles.

.

“There’s no way I'm getting in this thing.” Isak scoffs, shaking his head furiously like a little child.

“Is, come on. I want to show you something and it’s too hot to give you a piggy-back ride there.” Even says and he looks at Isak with these goddamn puppy eyes.

He bites down his bottom lip, then sighs dramatically loud “Okay, fine.”

“Yes.” Even cheers, a wide grin on his face.

“If the police arrests us, my mom’s gonna kill you, though.” Isak warns, while he climbs in the shopping cart.

.

Even steers the cart down Via Mazzini, Isak can’t stop chuckling like a little child, he doesn’t even care about all the people looking weirdly at them with their eyebrows raised.

Every now and then they stop their ride 'cause they see something in the shop windows that they want to bring home their parents or friends as a little present.

As Even starts running and jumps on the cart himself, Isak lets out a loud laugh, he can’t remember the last time he had so much silly fun. He manages to get the phone out of his pocket, he takes a pic of Even and him racing down Via Mazzini to Via Cappello.

.

“We’re here.” Even says as the cart comes to another hold, Isak frowns at him and looks around, there’s just an inconspicuous archway.

Even steadies the shopping cart so it wouldn’t roll away or upset when Isak climbs out of it. Then he places it at the right side of the alley and gives Isak a wide smile.

The older boy grabs Isak’s hand and leads him through the archway to a little patio. Isak’s eyes wander from people sitting on stone benches or even on the ground, scribbling down words on the pieces of paper in their labs, to a wall pinned with dozens of letters.

There's girl loudly sobbing in her tissue as she pins her letter to the wall, she looks at Isak for a short second, her eyes are red from all the crying and Isak wants to hug her.

He slowly walks further in there, his eyes find people taking pictures with a bronze statue of a young woman, and he startles a little as a woman shouts something down from a little balcony in Italian.

Isak turns around and looks into Even’s shining eyes “Is that what I think it is? Is that the house of Juliette?”

“They say it is, yeah.” Even shrugs, but his face gets brighter nevertheless.

He walks up to that wall and takes a look at the letters, his fingers brushing over the neat handwriting that must be from a girl “Per Giulietta”

“It’s actually beautiful, that people from all over the world come here and ask the person, who’s representing true love, for advice.” Even says “There’s an office – ufficio di Giulietta– where women actually answer these letters.”

“It’s kind of romantic.” Isak nods and he smiles at Even. And he doesn’t just say the words because he wants to make Even smile, he really means it. It’s beautiful that there are women, who made it to their purpose to answer these letters, to help desperate people out there with their advice, it makes the world seem a little less cruel and selfish. Even was totally right when he said, that Verona's something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait there was no kiss yet? Hurry up and read the next chapter ;)


	7. I hope this doesn't change anything

* * *

 

Isak and Even walk along the beach of Rimini, Isak doesn't know where he should look first, there are people sitting around small camp fires in small groups, some of them singing cheery Italian songs and playing their guitars.

There are fire-eaters performing on an extemporary stage, people are watching them with great excitement written all over their faces, especially the kids. And the smell is breathtaking, a mix of freshly made pizza, grilled fish and the sea, Isak is entranced with this whole place and everything that's happening here.

“Beer?” Even asks beside his ear and Isak nods “Yeah, please.” he doesn't look at Even, his eyes too busy with keeping up with everything that's going on here along the beach. He smiles to himself as he sees two boys walking together hand in hand, with the biggest smiles on their faces, he feels a short sting of jealousy in his chest and quickly takes his eye off of them.

“Scusi?” someone taps on his shoulder, Isak turns around to face a gorgeous girl with short dark hair and stunning green eyes, he ignores that she's barely wearing any clothes.

“Sorry I don't speak Italian.” Isak apologizes in English.

“Oh okay, English is fine too.” she smiles at him, she grabs in her small backpack and hands Isak a green piece of paper, a flyer “There's a party at the 'Coconuts' starting after the firework at around 23:30. You should totally come, cute boys like you are always very welcome and the Italian girls will love you. Where are you from? Somewhere from the North, maybe?”

“Good guess. My pale ass gave it away, huh?” Isak jokes and the girl chuckles “I'm from Norway.”

“Norway, wow.” the girl stuns “A part of my extended family lives in Denmark, but I'm not visiting them very often, it's just too fucking cold up there.” she laughs and Isak joins her.

“Yeah, it's a little different than here in Italy.” he smiles at her, she nods and takes a look at the clock on her wrist.

“Ugh shit, I gotta go, these flyers won't hand out themselves.” she exhales loudly, but her smile quickly finds its way back to her lips as she says “Maybe I see you later, yeah? Ciao, guy from Norway.”

“Yeah. Ciao.” Isak nods and waves her goodbye as she leaves.

.

“What the hell is that?” Isak looks at the ridiculously blue cocktail in Even's other hand as he hands Isak his beer.

Even doesn't answer his question, instead he looks at him with a light frown on his forehead “Who was that girl?”

“Just a girl handing out flyers for that bar.” Isak says nonchalantly, shrugs and before Even can go on asking things about this girl, Isak asks again “What the hell are you drinking?”

Even looks at him for a few seconds, studying his face, before he finally answers “It's called shark bite. You want a sip?”

“Nah, I better stick to my beer, thanks. That shit looks poisonous, though.“ Isak laughs and he lays a hand on Even's shoulder leading him along the shore “Let's take a look what other surprises Rimini has for us this night.”

.

As the night goes on Isak gives in and tries one of these fancy looking, colorful cocktails and to his own surprise it tastes really good, so good that he has another two.

They walk along the beach, laughing about a story Isak just told about Eva and him when they were kids.

They don't really pay attention where they're walking, since it seems like the whole beach is celebrating, but they slow down their steps as they reach a part of the beach that seems to be private. There are only around ten people standing around, talking and laughing. They turn their heads and look at the boys with curious expressions on their faces.

A boy walks up to them and Even says “Sorry, we didn't know this is some private property. We're leaving.”

The boy smiles at them and says with a heavy Italian accent “No, no, you boys are staying. Fireworks starts ogni minuti.”

Even looks at Isak with a questioningly look on his face, Isak only shrugs and says “Okay, thanks.”

Isak and Even aren't even five minutes there as they all start to shade their clothes, Isak huffs out a laugh “Seems like we got right into a skinny dipping party.” He thinks that any second they'll be around a bunch of naked strangers and he can't stop laughing, it's just too amusing and the look on Even's face is priceless.

Of course these guys don't get fully naked, they're wearing their trunks and some of them already head with loud cheering in the sea. The guy that came up to them earlier, shouts over to them “Come on, it's tradition to watch i fuochi in acqua.”

“You heard the guy, let's get in the water.” Isak nudges Even's shoulder and starts to undress himself.

“For real?” Even chuckles with one of his brows raised.

“It's tradition.” Isak grins at him and Even starts to undress himself as well.

.

Isak's trying to float on his back, he almost masters it but Even dives him under the water, when he comes back up, he splashes water at the other boy and laughs “You're an asshole Even, I swallowed a punch of saltwater.”

“Be happy that it was only water.” Even laughs heartily and Isak rolls his eyes before he joins Even's laughter “You're the worst.”

They play fight, and Even jumps on Isak's back trying to dive him under water, but he can successfully avoid it. Their loud laughter dies as the first firework explodes in a big read sparkle on the sky.

Even leans his chin on Isak's head, wrapping his arms tighter around his chest so he wouldn't fall down from his back “That's fucking amazing.”

Isak tries to concentrate on the firework on the sky and ignore the one that's lightening up his whole body from inside. He tries to ignore that Even's chest is tightly pressed against his back, he tries to ignore the other boy's arms hugging his chest, he tries to ignore that his hands are grabbing Even's thighs to give him hold.

He needs all his concentration to ignore all of this so he can only manages to breathe a quiet “Yeah.” as an answer.

\--

It's unbelievable hot and Isak regrets it a bit that he left their air-conditioned room to lie here in the heat on the crowded beach. He thinks about packing his stuff and head back to the hotel to join Even, but he also wants to chill out on the beach. Isak sighs annoyed about his own indecision. He grabs out his phone and searches for a song to listen to, when he gets a text from Eva.

____________________________

  **Eva  
13:57**

I can see you :)

____________________________ 

Isak knits his brows and reads the message again, he doesn't quite get it and he doesn't what to reply, he's  about to send Eva a bunch of question marks when there comes another message from her.

____________________________

**Eva  
13:59**

Don't frown that deep, gets you wrinkles, tho

____________________________

 

Isak quickly leans up, he ignores the light dizziness that floods his brain for a few seconds. He breaks out in a smile when his eyes find a waving Eva walking toward him.  
  
He jumps up and runs toward her, hugging her tightly "Shit, what are you doing here?“  
  
"Nice to see you too, Issy." she giggles in Isak's arms, and as they let go, she adds with a shrug "After I helped Ev a bit with planning that trip, I thought why not come here with the girls."  
  
“That’s fucking awesome, Evie.” Isak smiles “Where are the girls, though?”  
  
“They wanted to unpack their bags and get pretty for the beach. I ditched that crap ‘cause I couldn’t wait to find you guys.” Eva smiles “Are you alone? Where’s Ev?”  
  
“It got pretty late and kinda alcoholic last night. He’s pretty hungover and wanted to stay in the room.” Isak scratches the back of his head and shrugs. “Come join me.” Isak says and leads her to his towel lying on the sand.  
  
.

Isak wraps all the girls in hugs as they eventually find their way to them on the beach.  
  
"Where’s Even?” Sana's the first one to ask.  
  
"Long night." Isak answers and the girls look at him with raised brows.  
  
“Jeez not like that, he’s hungover, girls.”  Isak rolls his eyes and laughs.  
  
“Hungover, aha.” Vilde smirks, the others try to hide their knowing grins.  
  
“You girls are the worst, you really have to calm down your dirty minds, though.” Isak slightly shakes his head and huffs out a laugh.  
  
“Never. Did you already get some Italian candy?” Chris asks shamelessly and Noora lightly shakes her head at her.  
  
“A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.” Isak answers with a dump smile on his face.  
  
“That means no.” Sana states with a sweet smile on her lips and Isak makes a face at her, internally cursing because this girl always manages to look right through him, or maybe he's really just a bad liar, like everyone's claiming.  
  
“But why not? I mean look at you, you’re gorgeous and hot, though.” Vilde says, cupping her chin with on of her hands, Chris looks at her with on of her brows raised.  
  
“Vilde.” Noora lightly shakes her head, but Vilde ignores her and looks at Isak with a genuine curious expression on her face.  
  
The girls are quiet and Isak doesn’t know what to say, Sana doesn’t seem to stand the awkward silence 'cause she says with a soft voice “Vil, I think Isak’s not interested in hook ups. I think he might like someone.”  
  
Isak smiles at her, Sana might seem badass and sometimes a bit harsh, but she’s actually a kind girl with a marshmallow heart coated in sugar.  
  
“Oh.” Vilde says and she finally seems to get it but she’s still kind of oblivious, though “Who is it?”  
  
Isak huffs out a laugh “Isn’t it kinda obvious who it is, Vil?”  
  
“Is it me?” Vilde asks, making everyone huff out a laugh, Vilde pouts “Why are you guys laughing? That’s pretty rude, though.”  
  
“No, it’s not you, Vilde.” Isak says and he struggles with speaking it out, because once it’s out he can’t take it back and he wanted to tell Even first, but somehow the Italian sun and sea make him brave enough in this moment to say “I’m more into guys, you know.”  
  
“Oh.” Vilde seems pretty surprised, while the rest just softly smiles at Isak, they apparently have all known and Isak can’t hold it back and asks them “Is it that obvious?”  
  
“Is, you’re like my brother, of course I noticed. I mean we spend so many nights together in one bed and you didn’t try a single thing in all these years.” Eva chuckles and Isak rolls his eyes, he knows that Eva knows although they never really talked about it, he never really came out to her, he felt like it wasn't necessary 'cause he always had the feeling that Eva knew, even way before he knew himself.

“Maybe it was because you're not my type or because of the fact that you’re like my sister. And you don’t do things with your sister.” Isak mutters.

“Is, come on if you were straight, you were totally into me. I would be the woman of your dreams.” Eva teases, grinning widely at him.

“Pfff, you wish.” Isak answers and Eva wants to say something again but Chris chimes in and looks with raised eyebrows at her “Eva come on, we all know that Isak would be mine if he would be straight.” she laughs and winks at Isak.

Noora rolls her eyes and nicely interrupts their light banter “I didn’t think that you were gay, Isak. I just saw the way you looked at Even sometimes and I thought you might be into him.”

“Same here.” Sana’s giving him one of her warm smiles.

“So I was the only one who didn’t notice anything?” Vilde asks and all the girls look at her with sympathy in their eyes and shrug their shoulders.

“Yeah, seems like it, Vil.” Chris says, wraps an arm around her and gently rubs her shoulder. Vilde sighs but she recovers rather quickly and asks “Did you tell Even yet?” Eva nudges Vilde’s thigh with her foot, her eyes looking at someone behind the other girl.

Isak raises his eyes, but before he can see him, he can hear his deep voice askin “What did Isak already tell me?” The girls look at Isak with wide eyes and Isak can see that they’re hoping the same he does: Hopefully Even hasn’t overheard their conversation.

Even greats the girls with hugs and while his back is turned to Isak, Isak mumbles “Uhm, Vil just wanted to know if I already texted you that they’re here.” Isak almost stumbles over his words.

Even seems to buy it and Isak only starts breathing again when a smile spreads across Even’s face and he says “No he hasn’t told me, Vil. It’s nice to see you here, though. I guess it was your idea.” he smiles at Eva.

Eva grins and shrugs “Guilty.”

.

Even’s talking to Noora about their flight here, Eva leans over to him and whispers “Good enough safe, Is.”

“Shut up, I’m gonna go drown myself, bye.” he whispers back and stands up.

He walks toward the water and Eva follows him “Stop being so dramatic, he didn’t hear anything, chill Issy.”

Isak looks at her with one of his brows raised “You think so?” Isak doesn’t think it’s possible that Even didn’t overhear what they were talking about.

“Yeah.” Eva nods and Isak can see in her eyes that she’s doubting it herself.

“You’re really lying to my face right now?” Isak chuckles and walks toward her.

“I’m not lying.” Eva squeals and starts to jog away from him.

“Jesus and you say I’m a bad liar. Come here.” Isak chases her along the beach, trying to catch her.

.

Eva dives up beside him and brushes the salty water out of her face, they’re facing the beach, looking at their friends talking and laughing. Isak can feel Eva’s eyes on him, but his eyes remain on the others at the beach.

It’s a few seconds silent between them before Eva asks “Why haven’t you told him yet?”

Isak turns his head to look at her “Because I’m scared that it would change everything.”

Eva leans her head against his shoulder and says “You know I always be there, right? I’ll catch you if you stumble and fall, I’m kind of your safety net, though.”

The corners of Isak’s lips curl up into a smile, he places a kiss on Eva’s maroon hair “I’ve missed you and you’re stupid words, girl.”

Eva rolls her eyes but she mirrors Isak smile “I missed you too.”

.

Isak's tipsy enough to dance with the girls in the midst of the dance floor. The club’s stuffed, the air is stuffy and everyone's sweating because it has felt a few thousand degrees in there.

Eva wraps her arms around Isak's neck and yells her drunken words over the loud music “This guy's totally checking you out, Is.”

Isak looks in the direction Eva just nodded and he barks out a laugh when he sees Even standing there, he's talking to Sana and every now and then his eyes find their way to them on dance floor.

“That's Even, and he's just worried that we're drinking too much and end up throwing up on the way back to the hotel.” Isak's tongue feels kind of heavy in his mouth, so the words come out a bit slurred.  

Eva exaggeratedly shakes her head “No, no, he's totally checking you out, though.”

“Okay, I think that's enough for you, we should get your drunken ass home, girl.” Isak chuckles, although he's drunk himself.

“How much money do you think you'd already have if you'd gotten 10 kroner for everytime you said this to me?” Eva grins at him with one of her brows raised.

“I think I'd be a rich man by now.” Isak jokes and Eva shoves his shoulder “Rude.”

“Just the truth, Evie, now come one let's go.” Isak takes her hand to clumsily lead her out of the dancing crowd, he taps the other girls on the shoulder while walking by and tells them that they're heading home, they nod and join them.

.

They step out the club in the chill night air – it actually just feels chill because it was that hot in there – and Isak takes a well needed deep breath of fresh air, it feels good but at the same time it feels like the effect of the alcohol has doubled since he stepped out here. The world’s lightly spinning, and his steps are a little unsteady and no matter how hard he tries he just can’t manage to walk in a straight line – no pun intended here.

The girls giggle and talk all the way to their lodging, holding each other to not stumble over their drunken feet. Isak walks a few steps behind them with Even by his side, who steadies him a bit, but they don’t talk. Isak can feel that something's up with the other boy, but he doesn't ask him about it, it's not that he doesn't care, it's just that he knows that his intoxicated brain isn't capable of having a serious conversation right now, he's simply too fucking wasted.

When he throws up in one of the bushes beside the pavement, he knows it was a wise decision to not ask Even what was up, leaving a serious conversation because you have to throw up isn't very polite, though.

\--

Somehow the sound of crashing waves and screaming seagulls seems to have a soothing impact on Isak's pounding head. He has a massive hangover and he feels like a truck just hit him, but somehow sitting here on the beach helps him to feel a bit better.

Although his head is aching, his mind can't let go of the thought of Even's odd mood yesterday night, he was so quiet, to quiet for Even. Maybe he found out about him being gay, maybe one of the girls mentioned something suspicious, and now he's mad and disappointed because Isak hasn't found the courage yet to come out to him, his best friend.

Isak exhales loudly, is every teenager's life so complicated, or is it just him? When did things start to get so complicated, so confusing? Where are the easy times? Will it ever get easy and careless again? Probably not.

Isak decides to make this moment careless and free, he takes of his shirt, runs toward the water and dives into the salty waves.

**.**

He wipes the wet strands out of his face, the sun's about to eventually come up from behind the sea, its pink color is shimmering on the sea's surface and it looks fucking beautiful.  
  
"Fucking hell." Isak hisses when a hand touches his shoulder, he turns around and looks into Even's blue eyes.  
  
"Sleepless night again?" the other boy asks and there's worry in his eyes.  
  
"Kind of." Isak shrugs his shoulders and looks away from him, back at the rising sun.  
  
"You wanna talk about it, maybe it helps." Even says and Isak can feel his eyes on him.  
  
"Yeah..." Isak takes a deep breath "I should tell you myself before one of the girls blurts it out when they're drunk." Isak manages a weak smile, but his eyes are still pinned at the horizon.  
  
He thinks about the night they were here in the water watching the firework from in here, Even on his back, his chest pressed close to his back, skin on skin. He thinks about the night in Riva del Garda as Even cuddled him because he couldn't sleep, the kiss on his hair as they watched the sun sinking on Ponte Pietra. These moments will probably remain in the past, as soon as Even knows that Isak's gay, he'll reduce the touches and everything, because he'll be afraid that Isak could interpret them in a wrong way.  
  
Apparently it takes Isak too long to speak again, so Even decides to cut the silence with his words "Isak? Is it, don’t tell me, you like Eva.“ it slips out of Even's mouth and his face makes an awkward twist as if these words have left a bitter taste in his mouth.  
  
Isak turns his head to look at him, a deep frown on his forehead "Excuse you?" He snaps and he can feel anger bubbling in his stomach, he's standing here in midst the fucking sea, ready to tell Even probably one of his biggest secrets and Even really has the guts to accuse him of that bullshit again "How often do I have to repeat that. I’m not in love with Eva. Jesus, why does this not get in your head?”  
  
Even looks taken aback by Isak's sudden anger and he almost stumbles over his words, but his voice sounds irritated “Sorry but sometimes it looks like that.”  
  
“We.are.friends.and.she.is.like.my.sister.” Isak says it word for word trying to hammer it in Even's head “Please get that in your head, I thought you knew us good enough to not still think that.”  
  
“Sometimes it’s hard to believe that, especially when she’s all over you like a monkey. I don’t know how Jonas bears that.” Even bites and Isak knits his eyebrows. Why are they having this discussion again?  
  
“Because he knows there is nothing. And there never will be.” Isak sighs, he's so tired of repeating himself over and over again.  
  
“Yeah that’s what the guy says before he steals your girlfriend.” Even scoffs and he folds his arms in front of his chest.  
  
Isak blinks a few times and looks at Even, unbelivingly, he tries to swallow down the anger, but well it doesn't really work. He really wishes that he could've said these three words in normal conversation and not in this fight, but there's a pressure in his chest that tells him to spit them out "Jesus Christ, I’m not stealing anyone’s girlfriend ‘cause I’m fucking gay, for fucks sake.” Isak can feel angry tears filling his eyes.  
  
Even face falls, his mouth opens and closes before a quiet  “Oh.” makes his way over his lips.  
  
Isak huffs out sarcastic laugh “Yeah 'oh' indeed.” He stumps out the water, angrily wiping the tears away that escaped his eyes, leaving Even alone in the water.

.

Isak doesn't care that the receptionist shoots him an angry glare as he walks through the hotel, dripping wet, he doesn't care that the other hotel guests look at him as if he's lost his mind.

He slams the door shut behind him, he grabs a towel and quickly dries his curls and gets out of his wet trunks. When he's as good as dry, he grabs a few of his things and stuffs them in his backpack, he needs to get out of here, as quick as possible, he doesn't want to run into Even when he comes back. He needs some space, he needs time to think.

.

He knocks on the door, once, twice, thrice, but there's no sign that someone's moving in the apartment, Isak sighs loudly and leans his head against the door.

Isak almost falls right into Chris' arms when she swings the door open “Oh, good morning to you too.” she laughs a little, her hair is standing in all different directions.

“Sorry Chris.” Isak mutters “Can I come in?”

“Is everything okay, Is? No offense but you look horrible.” Chris says as he steps aside and lets him in their apartment. It's quiet in there, it seems like all the other girls are still asleep, of course they are, it's only around 7 or something.

“Yeah it's fine.” he smiles weakly at her, he throws the backpack at the ground in the living room and makes his way to the room Eva shares with Vilde, before he slips in there he looks over his shoulder “Thanks, Chris.”

“No problem, bud.” she smiles and disappears in the room across the floor.

.

“Jesus, what time is it?” Eva whispers, her voice hoarse, she sounds pretty hungover.

“It's pretty early, sorry Evie. You mind if I stay here?” Isak whispers quietly, trying his best not to wake up Vilde, who is sleeping next to Eva.

Eva opens her eyes, she frowns as she studies Isak's face “Is everything okay, Is?” The change in the tone of her voice makes Isak want to cry, but he keeps his shit together.

“Just got into a fight with Even.” Isak says and he looks down at his hands, he can't bear the pity in Eva's tired eyes.

“Why? What happened?” she whispers, while she shifts a bit toward Vilde, to make room for Isak to lay down beside her.

He climbs in the bed, he bites down his bottom lip and eventually says “Something stupid, it's just...” Isak swallows down his tears, he doesn't want to talk about this, he just wants to sleep and forget this for a few hours.

“Issy.” Eva runs her fingers through Isak's curls, a worried frown on her forehead.

“It's not that bad, don't worry, I'm just pretty upset and mad, probably I'm being too dramatic again. I just need a break, a little space, just for a bit.” Isak sighs.

“Okay.” Eva lightly nods, she understands that Isak needs time to calm down his emotions before he can talk about the shit show that just went down at the beach.

Eva cuddles closer, and it doesn't take him long to fall asleep in the arms of his best friend.

.

Isak wakes up when something tickles his nose and a cheery voice whispers “Time to rise and shine Cinderella.”

“Fuck off, Eva.” Isak claps her hand away from his nose, he buries his face in the pillow and mumbles “Five more minutes.”

“You already said that twenty minutes ago, Is.” Eva chuckles and lets her body fall beside Isak, she pulls the blanket away from Isak's face and goes on “What do you want to do today?”

Isak sighs dramatically loud, before he turns his head to face his best friend, he blinks his eyes a few times before they're awake enough to focus on her “I don't know. Walk around the city, grab some food and enjoy Italy?” Isak suggest with a little shrug.

“Sounds good to me.” Eva gives him a smile and she brushes one of Isak's curls out of his face “Just the two of us?”

“Yeah, please.” Isak whispers and nods.

.

Isak and Eva are sitting on the steps of one the buildings at Piazza Cavour, the sun's shining down at them, the sky's clear today, not a single cloud can be seen. They're eating ice cream, and Eva has been really patient with him this afternoon, she didn't ask him about the fight he had with Even. But as soon as Eva takes a deep breath beside him, he knows that his period of grace is over and he needs to tell her what's up.

“Spill it, Is.” Eva looks at him with a soft glance in her eyes.

Isak licks the ice cream that's running down to his fingers, before he says “Even's just stupid, that's it.”

Eva huffs out a chuckle and raises her brows “That's it?”

“Yeah, no, I just.. he said some things that made me really mad. It's just sometimes I don't really understand what's going on in his head, you know.” Isak explains with quick words.

“Oh.” Eva says “The old topic again?”

Isak knows that Eva would get what he's talking about, they've already talked about this dozens of times “Yeah.” Isak looks down at his ice cream and then back at Eva “I might have lost my cool and kind of spit in his face that I'm fucking gay.”

“Oh, Is.” he can see that Eva's holding back a chuckle, he makes a face at her and she eventually huffs out a chuckle “What a way to come out.”

“Not funny, though.” Isak pouts and lightly shoves her shoulder.

“It's going to be alright, Is.” Eva wraps an arm around his shoulder and places a kiss on his cheek “Even might seem cool, though but sometimes he's just as gawky as the rest of us, especially when it comes to you.”

.

In the evening Isak's calmed down again and he agreed on going to eat pizza with the girls and Even. The atmosphere is still a little tense and weird, but Isak does his best to ignore it, he jokes with Sana and listens to Vilde rambling about a dress she saw at one of the booths at the beach. An hour into their dinner, the tension finally leaves Isak's shoulders and he starts to relax, as his eyes catch Even's blue ones, the other boy gives him an apologetic smile and Isak mirrors it.

As they leave the pizzeria, Eva walks beside him and asks “You guys are joining us for the club?”

Isak takes a quick look at Even, he smiles at Eva “No, it's time for a girl's night, Evie.”

“Okay.” she nods and a knowing smile creeps on her lips.

“Have fun, yeah? But not too much.” Isak winks at her, she wraps him in a half hug and kisses him on the cheek “Take care, Is.”

.

An awkward silence hangs between them, Isak's drawing circles in the sand, while his brain's searching for the right words to let this dumb fight behind them, but he doesn't quite know where to begin.

“I'm sorry, Is.” Even eventually says and Isak's thankful that the other finally broke that nagging silence.

“It's okay. Sorry for snapping at you like some bitch.” Isak answers and looks down at his feet “I wanted to tell you, you know, actually I almost did a few times already, but then I chickened out for some reason. I'm sorry, I didn't want to literally spit it in your face like that.”

Even nudges his knee against Isak's “You caught me a little off guard with that, to be honest, that's why I only answered with that stupid 'Oh.'. God I wanted to punch myself in the face for that.”

Isak huffs out a chuckle, he looks at Even “I hope you're okay with it. I mean.. I hope this doesn't change anything.”

Even smiles softly at him and then he wraps him in a warm hug “Is, I love you, nothing's ever gonna change that.” Isak closes his eyes, waiting for the next words to break his heart once again, to destroy his hopes once again, and although he knows that they're coming they still sting “You're my best friend.”

**\--**

Isak sneaks out of their room, trying to be as quiet as possible, he doesn’t want to wake Even up and explain why he’s still up and where he’s going.

He walks down the small path to the beach and takes a deep breath, the air smells salty and fresh, Isak wishes he could fill this smell in a bottle and take it home with him ‘cause he’s really gonna miss it.

Isak sits down at the sand and stares out at the sea, the sun’s about to break through the horizon and declare another day. Isak came here with Even to find out what’s going on between them, the naive part of him thought that Italy would do a little magic and bring them together. Who's Isak kidding? It wasn't only the naive part of him that thought this, it was every little fiber in his body. But his hopes got destroyed a few hours ago, Even loves him, but not in that way, he just loves him as his best friend.

He wraps his arms around his knees and leans his head on them, he wishes he could stay here for another few days, he doesn’t want to leave yet, although this trip was the best Isak ever experienced it still doesn’t feel complete, like some little, but important part is missing, and Isak knows exactly what it is. Isak came here to find love, and he got the opposite, his heart feels sore and it aches terrible in his chest, he wipes away a tear with the back of his hands.

.

There are steps behind him, and for a second Isak hopes that his thoughts somehow summoned the other boy to come here, but it’s not Even who’s walking toward him with small steps, it’s Vilde.

“Hei.” she smiles at him, that typical warm Vilde smile and Isak can instantly feel a warmth wrapping around his heart and it helps to make him feel a tiny bit better.

“Hei.” Isak mirrors her smile, although he knows that it's not very convincing.

“Sleepless?” Vilde asks and she studies Isak’s face for a few seconds.

“Nah, I just woke up early.” Isak shrugs and he doesn’t know why he lies, because Vilde can probably see right through him.

“Can I sit?” she asks and Isak nods “Yeah, sure.”

It’s quiet between the two, there’s just the soothing sound of crashing waves surrounding them, and Isak closes his eyes for a moment to take it in.

“Isak? Can I ask you something?” she leans her head against his shoulder and Isak leans his head on hers “Shoot.”

“Uhm.. how did you find out that you were into guys?” her voice is quiet and it kinda sounds like she’s afraid that her question might be rude.

Isak takes a second to think about it, but he eventually answers “I don’t know, to be honest, but I guess when the other boys started to freak out about girls and I didn’t. First I thought I was just a little behind, you know. The realization that I might be into guys, came in little steps. I even think that Eva knew before I knew myself.” Isak huffs out a small chuckle.

“Have you ever kissed another boy?” Vilde asks and now Isak gets curious. Why does Vilde want to know all these things?

“No.” Isak answers truthfully, he never did, but he knows that he wants to kiss Even, more than anything else, but he'll never get the chance to do this.

“So how do you know it’s what you want?” she turns her head to look at him and Isak finds genuine curiosity in her eyes, she really wants to know this, and not because she wants to stick her nose in his stuff.

“How do straight boys know they only want to kiss girls?” Isak asks “I’ve never looked at girls the way I looked at boys.” He explains, he knows it’s vague, but well how else should he describe it.

Vilde nods and her eyes wander out at the sea, she nervously plays with her fingers and suddenly Isak’s realizing what’s going on here.

“Vil, what is this about?” he asks cautiously.

“I think, I might be, kind of, sort of… uhm..” Vilde begins, but it seems like the rest of the sentence doesn’t want to come over her lips.

“Like girls?” Isak cautiously tries to help her out.

“Mmh.” Vilde hums and a smile creeps back on her lips.

“That’s awesome, Vil.” Isak says and he hates that his voice sounds so surprised, he wishes it could be a bit calmer, but he didn’t expect Vilde to come out to him on his last day here in Italy, plus he thought Magnus and her were a thing.

“You seem surprised?” Vilde chuckles nervously.

“Well I mean, I thought Magnus and you were a thing.” Isak says and he smiles at her.

“Nei. Don’t get me wrong I love Mags, he’s my best friend, but nothing more. It’s like with you and Eva, though.” Vilde explains and Isak wonders if Magnus knows that Vilde is a lesbian or if he’s hoping for his shot on her, if he’s waiting hopelessly for her, like he’s waiting for Even.

Vilde nudges Isak’s shoulder with hers and grins “You should really try the kissing part, though. It’s awesome.”

“Oho, so there is someone?” Isak asks and he hopes that Vilde hasn’t a crush on someone in their squad, he hopes that her crush isn’t as hopeless as his.

“Her name’s Mia, I met her at tutoring and she’s really nice and so cool. But she’s still unsure about her sexuality and it’s kinda complicated.” Vilde raves and Isak can’t hold back his lips from curling up into a smile, he’s happy for Vilde, he really is.

“That girl would be stupid to not want to be with you.” Isak says, he wraps an arm around her, cuddles her closer and places a kiss on her blond hair.

“Hmm, we’ll see.” Vilde sighs.

“Someone as gorgeous, smart, strong and brave as you will have no problem finding a girlfriend, Vilde.” Isak says and he means it, every girl out there could be lucky to be with a girl like Vilde “I’d love to take you on a date.”

“Shut up, Is.” Isak knows that she’s rolling her eyes “What a shame that we’re gay, we would be quite a gorgeous couple, huh?” she jokes.

“Yeah.” Isak chuckles and squeezes her shoulder.

Vilde leans her head on Isak's shoulder again and they're silent for a while, listening to the waves again, it's a comforting silence and somehow the noise of the breaking waves soothes a part of Isak's heart, that aches since they landed here in Italy.

“How's it going with Even?” Vilde asks quietly, not sure if Isak's ready to let the comfortable silence between them go.

Isak takes a deep breath and exhales loudly “I don't know, Vil. I really have no fucking clue.”

She takes Isak's hand and intertwines their fingers, she gives Isak's hand a gentle squeeze, Isak looks at her face and Vilde smiles weakly at him “It's going to be okay, Is.”

Vilde's head turns and it's only now that Isak hears that someone's approaching them, he turns his head as well and his eyes catch a weakly smiling Even.

Vilde gives Isak's hand another squeeze, she kisses him on the cheek and whispers “You're gonna figure it out. Good luck, Is.” She stands up and gives him a bright smile before she starts to walk away along the beach.

Even walks toward him and it seems like he's debating with himself if he should sit down beside him or not, Isak turns his head and looks back out the sea, the sun finally managed to break through the horizon, its red light is shimmering on the surface of the sea, it looks stunning.

Eventually Even sits down beside him, he picks up a white shell from the sand and plays with it, he looks at the sunrise and smiles a little, but then he looks back at Isak, a light frown on his forehead “Insomnia can be a real pain in the ass, huh?”

“I just got up early 'cause I wanted to see the last sunrise in Italy. I'm really gonna miss this here.” Isak answers, he doesn't look at Even.

“So sunrise date with Vilde, huh?” Even says and Isak frowns, is he fucking serious right now?

Isak's head turns and he looks at Even with knitted brows “Fucking hell, Even. Why are you acting like this? I literally spit in your face yesterday that I'm fucking gay and you're still accusing me of having secret dates with girls.” Isak hates that his voice's dripping with disappointment, he wants to sound angry, but apparently he can't manage this.

“Chill, Is, I was just joking.” Even looks surprised by Isak's sudden outburst, he raises his hands in defeat.

Isak huffs and gets up from the ground, he can't bear sitting next to Even right now, he needs to bring a little distance between them, he knows that he's reacting a little dramatically here, maybe his reaction is even way over the top, but the words just bubble out of his mouth “So I'm a fucking joke right now?”

Even blinks a few times, he shakes his head and says “Don't twist my fucking words, Is, you know that's not what I meant.”

Isak runs his fingers through his hair, more than frustrated “Obviously I know nothing. So just fucking tell me why are you acting like an asshole.”

Even jumps up from the ground, his blue eyes lock with Isak's green ones, Isak's chest is heaving from anger and frustration. Why can't Even fucking tell him what his goddamn problem is?

The other boy closes his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair, just like Isak did a few seconds ago, he doesn't say anything, he seems to look for the right words, but Isak's sick of waiting, he wants answers. Now.

“What the fuck's up? Just tell me what your fucking problem is, Even. Why are you acting like this?” Isak snaps again and he wants to add something but in that moment Even takes the few steps toward him, closing the distance between them. He places his hands on Isak's face, his thumb gently caressing Isak's cheeks.

Even's blue eyes are sparkling, looking wild and deep like the sea, wandering from Isak’s eyes to his lips, Even's lips are so close, Isak can feel Even's warm breath, a shudder runs down his spine and he bites down his bottom lip.

A small smile dances on Even's lips as he says “That's why." and then he closes the little distance that's left between their lips and kisses Isak, it’s a short but soft peck on the lips.

Even pulls back, there's a smile on his lips, but Isak can see the fear in his eyes, the fear that he might took it too far, the fear that Isak might not want this.

So Isak smiles at him, he brushes his fingers through Even's hair, his hand comes to rest in the other boy's neck and he pulls him close to connect their lips again and this time for more than just a peck on the lips.

Isak’s heart doesn’t know what to do in his chest, it races like crazy and skips a few beats at the same time. The emotions are going wild in his body, he has never been this happy, he never would’ve thought that one day he would actually kiss Even, and at the same time he’s incredibly sad because he doesn't know if this is really what Even wants. He doesn't know what this kiss means, but in this moment he doesn't care, if he can only have this once in his life, he will put everything he has – all his love and admiration for Even – in this kiss. All of it, everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened, they kissed ♥  
> Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos, it means a lot ♥  
> And of course (as always) I hope you liked the two new chapters :)
> 
> PS. Happy easter to everyone, who celebrates it :)


	8. Just let's take this chill, okay?

 

* * *

 

Isak walks along the school yard, it's the first day of school, everything feels familiar and weird at the same time without Even walking by his side. He knew it would going to be a bit odd for the first few days, 'til he eventually gets used to roam the school halls without his best friend.

But if Isak's honest this isn't the only thing that's weird at the moment – it's a bit weird between the two of them since they came home from Italy. Not weird in a bad way, just a bit different than it has been before, and what bothers Isak even more is the fact that they haven't spoken about their kiss. Not about what it meant, not about if something's changed between them, nothing, they're just acting like it didn't happen at all.

Isak doesn't want to pressure the other boy, maybe Even needs time to process what happened and time to think. So Isak keeps silent about it, but it slowly but surely starts eating on him, because a pretty big part of him really wants to talk about it, wants to know how things will continue, if it was an one time thing or if it's more than that. He hasn't slept very well the last nights, too much questions flooding his mind, too much possible answers and consequences pulling at the strings of his heart.

Even has been at his dad's this weekend, and maybe that's another reason they haven't talked about it yet. It's something you don't talk about via text, it's something you talk about face to face, green eyes looking into blue ones.

“Earth to Isak.” Eva chuckles beside him, gently punching his shoulder.

“Sorry, I zoned out a bit.” Isak sighs and looks apologetically at her “What did you say?”

“I asked if you're okay. You look pretty tired, Issy.” she studies his face with knitted eyebrows.

“Yeah I'm okay, just couldn't fall asleep last night.” he says and smiles weakly at her.

“Were you concerned about your first day without Even around here?” Eva teases him a bit and Isak would be happy if that would be the only reason for his sleepless night.

“Shut up. No it's just... Can we talk another time about this?” Isak asks, 0he really doesn't feel like sharing the whole I-kissed-Even-and-now-I-don't-know-what-the-hell-is-going-on thing with anyone, not this early in the morning, not even with Eva.

“Okay.” Eva nods, she knows that Isak's going to tell her whenever he's ready.

Eva links arms with Isak and they walk in the school building, ready to start another school year – their last year at Nissen.

.

“What the hell is 'Nissenrumors'?” Mahdi snorts and he looks at Vilde with one of his brows raised, the girls look at him with rather surprised expressions on their faces.

“You haven't heard about it?” Vilde asks, her voice a pitch higher than usual.

“Nei.” all the boys shake their heads, waiting for one the girls to finally tell them what the hell it is.

“It's a new Tumblr blog, where all the hot and not so hot rumors of Nissen get posted. You really need to stop living under a rock.” Vilde sighs and rolls her eyes.

Isak smiles to himself, since their first year here at Nissen, nothing seems more important to Vilde than being socially accepted and included and that also contains to know about every little thing that's happening in other students lives.

Isak couldn't care less about any stranger’s life, though, his own and the lives of his friends seem to be exciting and sometimes exhausting enough for his taste, so he can't be bothered with any rumors about strangers or people he just knows by sight.

“But you must have heard about the new guy, right? Jakob.” Eva asks curiously, earning an annoyed eye roll from Jonas and she quickly sighs “Sorry baby, but you must admit that he's goddamn handsome.”

"Is that the guy everyone's whispering about in the halls?" Magnus asks, Eva and Vilde excitedly nod and Chris chuckles "There are a lot of stories about him floating around, if you know what I mean."

"And probably 95% of them aren't true." Noora says and Sana nods approvingly.

Even Isak heard the stories about the new guy, but honestly he doesn't give a shit about them, it's like Noora said, the majority of it is simply not true and made up by some bored people. Isak grabs his backpack, gets up and shoulders it "Sana, are you coming?"

"Yep." the girl smiles, seemingly thankful for saving her from that gossip talk.

.

Isak flops down beside Sana in the classroom and sighs "Will Vilde ever stop with this? She knows how bad this whole rumor stuff can become and still she's absorbing this shit like a sponge."

Sana takes a breath, she studies Isak's face, seemingly thinking about if she should say what she has in mind or not "Honestly, I think something's going on, she only gets obsessed with this kind of stuff when she's trying to get her head off other things."

"Oh." Isak slowly nods, asking himself, if it maybe has something to do with the girl Vilde likes and if Vilde has already told the girls about it. Maybe she's wracking her brain, just like Isak is about Even and their kiss.

The teacher walks in with quick steps, lets her stuff fall on the table with a thud and claps her hands together. Sana looks at Isak and rolls her eyes "First day and she's already in a mood."

Isak huffs out a chuckle and whispers "At least she seems to have found a bra during summer break."

Sana grins at him, clearly holding back her laughter "You're an awful person, Is."

Their light laughter dies as the teacher announces "This year we'll switch up our groups again. So come on guys, find a new partner."

"What!?" Isak and Sana almost yell in unison.

"New year, new challenges." the teacher smiles at them and Isak turns to Sana and sighs, Sana's fucking brilliant and Isak actually likes their lightly heated discussions about certain topics, he appreciates that Sana’s challenging him and he likes the way she thinks about stuff.

“Fare well Sana-sol, it was an honor to be your Biology bud.” Isak dramatically sighs as Sana gets up and puts her stuff back in her backpack.

Sana chuckles and lightly shoves his shoulder “Don’t be sad Isabelle, we're still best buds, though." And because it’s Sana she can’t go without adding “Maybe this time I get to work with someone as brilliant as me.” She grins widely at him and blinks her eyes a few times.

Isak exhales loudly and chuckles “I love you too, girl.”

As Jakob walks in the room Isak rolls his eyes, if Eva finds out that they're in the same class, she’ll ask him a thousand things, okay a million things. And if that isn’t already bad enough, the teacher tells Jakob to sit down beside Isak and team up with him for the rest of the year. Lovely.

“Hei.” Jakob smiles as he sits down beside him “Seems like we're Biology buds now.” And his smile goes even brighter and fuck it’s only now that Isak realizes that Eva's been right, he's actually really fucking handsome, no wonder that everyone’s spreading rumors about him being a fuckboy.

“Yeah, I hope you're as brilliant as my girl Sana.” Isak gives him a smile, and he's surprised that he managed to speak out these words without stuttering, although Jakob's looking at him with his gorgeous blue eyes – not as gorgeous as Even's, though – and his precious smile.

They start working on the newest assignment and Isak's actually surprised by Jakob's knowledge. He looks fascinated at the other boy's profile as the boy's babbling about their topic.

As Jakob notices Isak's staring, he stops, turns his head and asks a little insecure “What? Did I say something stupid?”

“No, not at all. I just didn't think Biology would be your thing, but I see I was totally wrong, though.” Isak says honestly.

“Well, my dad's a vet so it's kinda in my genes, I guess.” Jakob says and his cheeks blush a little as he looks back on the working sheet, and Isak needs to hide his grin. Did he just manage to make Jakob blush?

Isak takes his eyes off the other boy, as the phone in his pocket pings, he pulls it out and unlocks the screen.

**____________________________**

**Even  
14:29 **

When are you done?

15:15

I'm gonna pick you up

Aren't you supposed to be at University?

Nope introductions are already over :)

What a life

Haha. I need to be a good student and pay attention, though

Yes be a good boy, Is

You're so weird sometimes

Okay even I noticed that this sounded weird :D

____________________________

.

“So you do you think I'm as brilliant as Sana?” Jakob asks as they walk out the classroom after the lesson.

Isak huffs out a laugh “I think that requires a little more research, though.”

Jakob sighs “Jesus, you really have high expectations, haven't you?”

Isak steps out the school yard, holding the door for the other boy “Yeah sorry, but Sana's really hard to top.” he shrugs and smiles at the other boy.

“It's good that I love challenges then, huh?” Jakob wags his eyebrows.

Isak snorts and rolls his eyes “Good luck, Iversen.”

Jakob huffs out a laugh, lightly shaking his head and starts to walk up to his friends, but he turns around another time and smiles “See you around, Is.”

"See you, Jake." Isak nods, he can feel that he's cheeks are lightly blushing.

The fuck was that? Did Jakob just flirt with him?

.

His friends are all looking at him with weird expressions on their faces as Isak walks up to them. He wants to ask what's up, but before he can, Magnus scream whispers “Did you just walk out there with fucking Jakob?”

“Uhm, yeah, why? The teacher chose him to be my new Biology partner, though.” Isak shrugs and raises one of his brows.

“Why? Really?” Magnus looks dumbfounded at him “Is, come on you heard the stories about him, he became something like a fucking legend during summer.” Magnus says and shoots Isak an unbelieving look.

“Hey, you're drooling a bit.” Isak points a the corners of Magnus mouth before he sits down beside Jonas at the backside of the bench.

The boys laugh and Magnus pouts “You guys must admit that he's hot **,** come on look at him, the whole school yard is stealing glances." **  
  
** “Mmh.” Isak just hums, Mahdi shrugs and Jonas slightly nods.  
  
Magnus is still staring at Jakob across the school yard, Mahdi lightly shoves his shoulder and says “Stop staring, man, that's creepy.”

“'Nissenrumors' says that he's swinging both ways.” Magnus says and Isak bites down his bottom lip, oh okay so Jakob was really flirting with him.

"Who swings both ways?" a deep voice asks and Isak doesn't need to turn around to know that it's Even who's joining their little group.  
  
"Halla." Even flops down at the bench, smiling at the boys.

Isak mirrors his smile "Hei." **  
**  
“Hei.” Jonas and Mahdi nod as a greeting, Magnus is still staring at Jakob and Isak is close to tap the back of his head to snap him back to reality.

Even's eyes look around 'cause his question still hasn't been answered, when his eyes land on Magnus, the boy seems to remember that Even's joined them and that he asked him something before he sat down.  
  
"Jakob." Magnus breaths and rests his chin on his hand, Even looks at Isak with raised brows but he only shrugs and mouths "I have no fucking clue."

“And Isak's such a lucky pig to be his Biology partner.” Magnus adds.

Even huffs out a chuckle and teases “Did Sana dumb your ass?”

“Shut up. No, Ms.Titts made us switch working partners today.” Isak lightly shoves Even's shoulder.

“But that's good, though, now Isak can get us to all the parties and shit.” Magnus says enthusiastically.

“You really want to tend their parties?” Even raises his brows at Magnus.

“Fuck yes, did you see the girls that go there? I mean fy faen I would give one of my kidneys to go to one of these parties.” Magnus nods and he sounds dead ass serious.

Isak huffs out a laugh and pats Magnus shoulder “I see what I can do, Mags.” Isak stands up and grabs his backpack.

“You're the best, Is, the fucking best.” Magnus smiles brightly, the others get up as well, ready to make their way home.

Magnus is so excited that he almost runs into a girl and Isak really needs to hold back his laughter, Even, though, he doesn't seem to find it even a bit funny.

.

“You're not really want to go to one of these parties, do you?” Even asks as the car comes to a hold at a traffic light.

Isak raises one of his brows “Why not?“

“You heard the things about Jakob and his friends, didn't you?” Even asks and it sounds like he's talking about a bunch of criminals or some shit like that.

“Faen Even, Jakob's not that bad. Those stories are rumors, and I mean you should know that not all of them are true.” Isak looks at Even's profile, the other boy bites down his bottom lip, but he doesn't say anything, so Isak goes on “Did you see Mags' face, faen he wants so bad to go to one of these parties. And it would be one party. A little party never killed nobody, right?” Isak smiles, but Even's face stays serious.

Even takes his eyes off the street for a second to look at Isak, he manages a small smile and sighs “You're right, Is.”  
He looks back at the street, and Isak frowns, he has no clue, what's going on right now, but well it seems like Even has some kind of problem with Jakob and his group of friends and that's odd because usually Even's not the person that gives a fuck about rumors, he's more the person that makes up his own opinion about other people.

.

Isak lets himself fall down on Even's bed as soon as they enter his room and mumbles his words into the bedding “Can we watch a movie or something? But nothing too sophisticated, I'm tired as fuck.”

“Okay.” Even huffs out a chuckle, his mood seems to be better now.

Isak shrugs off his hoodie, pulls the snap back from his head and slips under the blanket on Even's bed, making himself as comfortable as possible. He watches Even searching for a movie in his huge collection, when the other boy turns back around, he looks a bit surprised to see Isak all tucked up in his bed, but he smiles. And that's when Isak realizes that the last time they shared a bed was in Italy before they kissed and suddenly he feels a bit weird.

Even climbs on his bed and makes himself comfortable beside Isak, he smiles at him and starts the movie.

Isak would've surely enjoyed the crappy horror movie, Even picked, if he would've actually paid attention, but the only thing he can think about is, if he can actually cuddle up to Even or not, or if it would be too awkward.

Sometime in the process of all the thinking and his brain working through all possibilities, Isak turned his back to Even, so the other boy won't notice that he's not actually paying attention to the movie.

He thought that his brain came up with every possible scenario, but it didn't came up with this. Even shifts closer, his fingers brushing through Isak's curls “Is, I'm sorry I haven't been around at the weekend.”

Isak turns around to look at his best friend “You've been at your dad's and we've been together full eight days before.” he manages a small smile.

And there's something in Even's eyes that tells Isak, that he actually has been at his dad's to avoid running into him, he wanted some distance between them. Isak swallows and the other boy seems to notice his sudden insecurity, because he brushes his thumb over Isak's cheek, looking into his green eyes and whispers “I guess I just needed a bit time to think.”

“It's okay, Even, you don't need to...” Isak blurts out, but he stops, not really sure what he even wants to say.

Even studies Isak's face, his fingers gently brushing a curl behind his ear “Do you.. do you regret it?” the other boy looks as insecure as Isak feels.

Isak lightly shakes his head “No.”

“Me neither.” Even smiles relieved and Isak mirrors his smile.

“So what does that mean? I mean for us.” finally Isak can ask the question that kept him up the last few nights.

Even thinks for a few heartbeats, seemingly searching for the right words, he opens his mouth for a few times but closes it again, Isak can see the struggle in the other boy's eyes “Honestly I don't know.”

Isak already awaited an answer like this, and although his heart pinches in his chest, he smiles at Even, takes his hand and intertwines their fingers “It's okay, Ev. Just let's take this chill, okay?”

Even nods, his expression relaxes, he leans his forehead against Isak's and whispers back “Taking it chill sounds fucking good.”

.

Isak's about to fall asleep, all cuddled up to the older boy, when the door to Even's room swings open without knocking. Isak startles a bit, but he's too drowsy to actually care what this looks like and he's kind of surprised that Even doesn't shove him away or brings some distance between them.

Sondre waltzes into the room and looks at the boys, his expression is surprised with a mix of helplessness, he looks from the boys to the TV and raises his brows “No porn?”

“Nei?” the boys say in unison and Isak rolls his eyes. Can this man be any more inappropriate and disgusting?

“You should watch some, you can learn some things from it, though.” Sondre winks at them. Okay, well seems like he can be.

“We're more the learning by doing kind of guys, right Is?” Even says and Isak nods “Yep.”

Sondre's brows raise even higher and Isak needs to hold back his laughter, he never saw that dumb expression on the man's face before and Isak also never thought he would witness a speechless Sondre.

After a few seconds the man awkwardly clears his throat and says “Don't forget about Sonja, okay?”

“Not be able to when you're constantly reminding me, though.” Even sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Fine.” Sondre smiles and leaves the room again.

“Fy faen, this guy is something.” Isak scoffs as the man's out the room.

“And you only see and experience half of his bullshit.” Even sighs, running a hand through his hair “He's nagging me to meet his niece, Sonja. She just moved here a few days ago and she knows no one.”

“Sounds like she could use a friend, though.” Isak smiles at him “And just because her uncle is a creepy weirdo, doesn't mean she's as well.”

“Yeah I know, it's still a bit awkward.” Even says.

“Meet her for a coffee, walk around a bit, show her some places to be and then you'll go back home. I see no harm in that.” Isak says, although a part of him – just a tiny part okay – gets jealous thinking about Even going on a date with that girl. He knows it wouldn't be a real date, but what if Even still falls in love with her. That's how love happens in all the movies, right? And suddenly Isak regrets the words he just said a few seconds ago.

“I think I can do that.” Even smiles and Isak does too, although he doesn't really feel like it.

.

Isak's fallen asleep in Even's arm, as he wakes up the other boy's sitting at his desk, it looks like he's working on a drawing, Isak rubs the sleep out of his eyes and asks quietly “What time is it?”

“It's around nine.” Even turns his head to look at him “Don't worry I texted your mom that you're here, though.”

“Thanks, you're the best.” Isak smiles, the last he wants is his mom to worry about his whereabouts. He lets himself sink back on the mattress, staring up at Even's ceiling, there's a crack, he never noticed before.

Even walks up to him and sits down at the edge of the bed “Do you want something to eat?”

“Thanks but I think I gotta get my ass home now.” Isak yawns and leans back up.

“Okay.” Even smiles weakly and bites down his bottom lip.

.

Isak walks the short way home and as he enters the Valtersen apartment it's silent in there, there's just the noise of the TV coming from the living room. He walks up there with quiet steps, peeking his head in, his dad looks up from the newspaper in front of him and smiles “You found your way home, I see.”

“Sorry dad, fell asleep while watching a movie at Even's.” Isak smiles apologetically at his father “Where's mom?”

“Don't worry, it's okay. Your mom went to sleep about an hour ago.” Terje answers, his expression soft and a bit tired.

“Oh okay, I'm gonna go to bed as well, I'm still tired as fuck, though. Night, dad.” Isak says and his dad shoots him a played annoyed glance “Language, son.”

.

Isak shrugs of his clothes, ready to slip in the warmth of his bed, when he hears a knock on his window, he frowns and stands still for a second, waiting for another knock, because he's not sure if he not only imagined it. As the second knock comes, he walks up to his window and slowly opens it, his eyes meet a smiling Even.

“Halla.” the other boy says while he climbs in Isak's room.

“Hei?” Isak raises one of his brows.

Even reaches Isak his snap back and smiles “You forget it.”

“You came here to bring me my snap back?” Isak scoffs.

“Yeah?” Even looks down at his hands, playing with his fingers. Isak smiles to himself, he's nervous, Even's fucking nervous.

Isak cups Even's chin with his fingers and lifts it up, making Even look at him “If you wanted me to stay, you should've just said it.” Isak smiles at him and Even rolls his eyes, but he mirrors Isak's smile.

.

“I think something going on with Vilde.” Eva says, her eyes are looking at the ceiling.

“What makes you think that?” Isak asks curiously. So the girls noticed that something's up with their friend, first Sana and now Eva.

“I don't know she's constantly checking that Tumblr side of Nissen. She seems really obsessed with it.” Eva sighs, there's worry in her eyes.

“Have you talked to her?”

“Yeah, we tried, Is, but she's kinda always changing the subject when it comes up. Since Italy she also kinda seems to avoid us.” Eva bites down her bottom lip, turning her head to look back up at the ceiling in Isak's room.

Vilde's struggling and Isak knows why she's doing so, he turns his head to look at Eva and promises “I'm gonna talk to her, okay?”

Eva raises her brows, questioningly, probably she knows that Isak knows something they don't know, but she doesn't ask about it, she only nods “Okay, good luck with that, Issy.”

.

“Vilde?” Isak shouts as he steps out the school and sees the girl walking in front of him, her eyes fixed at the screen of her phone, and Isak knows without even seeing that she’s surely checking that stupid Tumblr side again. The girl turns around and smiles as soon as she sees it’s Isak.

“Hei.” she greets him and her smile goes even wider, but still she looks a bit tired and even a little sad.

“Hei.” He smiles at her and he grabs her arm and leads her to one of the benches at the school yard, the girl looks at bit confused, but she follows Isak without complaining.

“What’s wrong, Vil? Why are you constantly checking this stupid side?” Isak asks straight up.

Vilde swallows and takes a deep breath, she looks down at her hands and mumbles “I’m scared that someone writes something about me and the girls will read it, you know.”

Isak sits down beside her, he studies her profile and asks “Am I the only one, who knows about it?”

“I think Magnus might know as well.” Vilde looks up from her hands into Isak’s eyes, they’re teary “I haven’t told the girls yet, because I’m scared, that it’ll change the dynamics between us. I’m scared that Eva doesn’t want to share a room with me if we’re going on vacation together. I’m scared that every hug and every look I’ll give them, will be questioned.” Vilde sputters so quickly that Isak’s barely able to follow her.

They have a lot more in common than he thought, he wraps an arm around her and smiles “The girls will still love you, they don’t care about your sexuality, though.”

“You think so?” Vilde sniffles.

“Vilde? Do you really think they love you because they think you’re straight?” Isak raises one of his brows, Vilde looks at him with big eyes and she shrugs, Isak gently strokes her shoulder and says “They love you because you’re smart, strong and the nicest person. I mean sure you can be annoying sometimes, but well every rose has its thorns.”

The girl lightly shoves his shoulder and chuckles “Shut up.” Isak can feel her relax beside him, she takes a deep breath and asks “Did you already tell Even?”

“Tell? I more or less spit in his face.” Isak snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Huh?” Vilde looks a bit confused.

“We had a fight, because he was teasing me about Eva and well I lost my cool for a second and came out to him with a boom.” Isak snorts and shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh, it was in Rimini, right? When you slept in our bed.” Vilde concludes and Isak nods.

It’s silent between them for a bit before Isak eventually says “Vil, I think you should take your time, if you don’t feel ready for it, you should wait ‘til you really are.”

“I wanted to tell them already a thousand times, but I kinda chickened out the last second.” Vilde sighs and gives Isak a weak smile “I don’t know, I feel ready and at the same time I’m not, it’s weird.”

Isak knows that feeling well too much, it’s the exact same he did, when it was to tell Even “I know, it’s confusing as shit sometimes. I haven’t told the boys and my parents yet.”

“Do you realize that we’ll be coming out for the rest of our lives? Whenever we meet new people we’ll come out to them. We will lose people and people will hate us because of something we can’t change. Maybe that’s why I’m still hesitating, maybe I don’t want to let go of the old straight Vilde yet, because her life seems so much easier.” Vilde sighs.

“But it wouldn’t be a happy life, Vil. You would’ve to hide forever who you truly are and that’s gonna make you miserable. Maybe you’ll be happy for a short time, but at some point you’ll regret it.” Isak says, hugging her closer, Vilde studies his face for a few seconds, she smiles at him and nods “Thanks, Is.”

.

Magnus is hosting a pregame, it's chill with the boys and Isak has a good time, beside the fact that he can't get rid of the thought about Even being out with Sonja. He's trying to numb his thoughts with beer, he's already at his fifth, the sixth already waiting on the table to be opened, because the alcohol flooding his system is still not enough to shut the thoughts down.

Isak tells them about his trip to Italy with Even, he lets out a few details, of course, but it seems like the boys are awaiting a twist or a big bang in his story and his lightly drunken brain asks himself if he maybe gave himself away, if his words gave away that he's in love with Even or if the other boys maybe somehow can sense that something happened between Even and him in Italy.

“I bet the chicks are pretty hot in Italy, right?” Magnus asks before he takes a sip from his beer.

As Isak looks at Jonas, the boy has his eyebrows raised and an amused smile on his lips, Isak rolls his eyes, holding back his want to make a face at him.

He inhales deeply, the girls took it pretty chill in Italy – his coming out to Even doesn't count, because well that was something else. Isak's sure Magnus and Mahdi will take it chill as well, but there's still that fear of rejection in the back of his mind, what if one of them has a problem with it, what if they'll treat him differently, what if, what if...

Isak takes a sip from his beer before he says “Actually, Mags, I wasn't really interested in the girls.”

It takes a few seconds before Magnus and Mahdi actually understand what he meant with this words, Magnus opens and closes his mouth a few times before eventually some words manage to come over his lips “Does that mean, you're gay?”

Isak shortly nods “Guess so, yeah.”

“That's great, bro.” Mahdi smiles at him, one of his all teeth smiles and he clinks his beer can with Isak's.

“Fy faen and Jonas knew the whole time, am I right? That's why he was never worried about Eva and you.” Magnus blurts out, and he looks like he has just solved the world's biggest mystery.

Jonas taps his finger on the tip of his nose and winks at Magnus and Isak huffs out a chuckle “Yep.”

“Fy faen.” Magnus runs his fingers through his hair, still more than baffled and Isak finds it more than hilarious and he can feel the nervous tension slowly but surely leaving his body.

.

Isak's out at the terrace with Jonas, they share a joint and Isak looks around the yard, Magnus' home is beautiful, Isak would literally describe it as an idyll. The yard's huge, there's a small swimming pond surrounded by all sorts of grass and plants, the whole yard is full of beautifully colorful flowers, it even looks amazing in darkness of the night.

“Is everything okay?” Jonas asks as he reaches the joint back to him “You seem a bit absent tonight.”

“Yeah, it's just...” Isak stops his words, taking a drag, deeply inhaling the smoke. He thinks about telling Jonas about him and Even, but he decides against it, he's not ready to share this with someone else. He wants to keep this his little secret for a little longer.

“I think I'm too drunk and high to talk about it.” Isak lies and chuckles to undergird his words.

“Okay.” Jonas nods, he doesn't really seem to buy it, but he doesn't ask any further, he only says “If you wanna talk about it, I'm here, you know.” Jonas lays his hand on Isak's shoulder and gives it a comforting squeez.

“Thanks, man.” Isak smiles.

.

He slowly and as quietly as possible opens the front door and gets in his apartment, Isak shrugs off his jacket, and toes off his shoes.

As he walks by the living room, he sees that the room's illuminated by a dim light, he peeks in there and sees his mom lying on the couch, she fell asleep over a book.

Isak walks slowly up to her, he places a kiss on her hair and whispers “Mom? I'm home, you can go to bed.”

She blinks her eyes open and whispers “Hey, baby. Did you have fun?”

“Yeah.” Isak smiles at her, it's endearing that his mom's still waiting for him 'til he comes home when he's out. She would never admit that she actually waited for him, she always says stuff like “Oh, I've must fallen asleep, reading this book.” And Isak doesn't mind, he really likes these moments.

“Come let's go to bed, it's late.” Isak reaches his hand out to help his mom standing up, she smiles at him and takes his hand. They walk out the living room together, before Isak goes to his room, his mom wraps an arm around him and places a kiss on his curls “Night, Issy.”

“Night, mom.” he whispers back and slips in his room.

Isak doesn't bother to turn on the light, he knows his room by heart, even when it's pitch black in there. He shrugs off his hoodie, shirt and jeans and slips in his bed “What the..” he scream-whispers as he feels a body lying in his bed.

“Fy faen, Is, your feet are cold as lumps of ice.” Even chuckles beside him and Isak puts on his bedside lamp.

“The fuck are you doing here in my bed at two in the morning?” Isak asks Even with raised eyebrows.

“Got back from the meeting with Sonja at around ten and came by, your mom said I could wait here, so I did.” Even shrugs and he smiles brightly at Isak.

“You're so fucking weird sometimes.” Isak sighs and he runs his fingers through his hair.

“That's why you love me.” Even grins at him, but he quickly goes on “Where have you been?”

“Hung out with the boys.” Isak says and gets comfy in his bed “So how was your date?”

“It was okay, I guess. She's nice.” Even shrugs and lays back down again.

Isak turns toward him, running his fingers through Even's hair and Even closes his eyes, leaning in Isak's touch, he saw in Even's eyes that there's something on his mind, so he turns over to the bedside table to turn off the light again. Speaking about certain things is easier in the dark, it's safer, it's what they do, sharing secrets and thoughts in the safety of the darkness of each others rooms.

There's a heavy silence in the room and Isak can feel that Even's body tenses in his arms, for a second he thinks that the other boy wants to escape his arms, wants to get away from him. Isak tries to calm his inner storm of nervousness and fear of rejection down, but his heart is pinching and he can feel tears stinging in his eyes. What if he really fell in love with that girl? What if it was love at first sight? Things like that exist, don't they?

But Even doesn't want to get away from him, he cuddles him even closer, gently stroking Isak's back and this makes Isak feel courageous enough to ask “Even, what's wrong?”

“We're moving in one of Sondre's apartments.” Even blurts out and the words weigh heavy in the silent room.

Isak blinks a few times in the darkness, he bites down his bottom lip because he doesn't quite no what to say, he's completly taken aback, he awaited Even to say something else and not his.

This is real right? It's not some kind of weird weed-mixed-with-beer-dream he's having in the right moment.

“Is? Say something, please.” Even whispers quietly.

“Shit.” Isak breaths, it's the only thing he can think about. Shit.

“There's one free, it has four bedrooms and Sondre rents it to mom for the same price as she's paying here.” Even explains, his words sound blank, Isak knows he's just talking to fill the unbearable silence in here.

“That's not fucking fair.” Isak whispers so quiet that he doesn't even know if Even has even heard his words.

“It's just twenty minutes from here.” the other boy says and he doesn't know if he's saying it to comfort Isak or himself.

“But...”

“I know, Is. I'm not happy either, believe me, but mom's so excited about finally having a bedroom all to herself after all this years. I tried to talk her out of it, really, but there's no chance, she only got angry with me.” Even buries his face in Isak's chest.

“What about Mathis and the twins?” Isak asks, curious what Even's siblings think about their move.

“The twins don't really care, as long as they got beds to sleep in and room for all their toys, they're happy. And Mathis is not more or less pissed than usual.”

It's quiet in the room, Isak's fingers are still absentmindedly brushing through Even's hair “That means no more nights out at the scaffold, talking about everything and nothing at two in the morning when both of us can't sleep.”

Even doesn't say anything, he only takes a deep breath and Isak can feel that he's slowly nodding his head against his chest.

“I don't wanna lose you, Ev.” Isak whispers in the dark, and Even's arms wrap tighter around him “You're not around school anymore and now you're leaving Oak Wood Hills.” Isak takes a breath “Just a few days ago, you said that nothing's gonna change and now we're lying here and every fucking thing's about to change.” Isak's surprised about his own honesty.

Even's hands come up to Isak's face, his thumbs ever so gently caressing Isak's cheeks, he leans forward and places a kiss on Isak's forehead before he whispers “I love you, Is. You're not gonna lose me, baby. Never.”

_But why does it still feel like you're slowly drifting away from me?  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps, sorry for the long wait, life's been busy and I kind of struggled with writing this chapter, but here it finally is :) As always I hope you liked it :)  
> Thanks for leaving kudos and comments, I appreciate every single one and it really means a lot ♥


	9. Is there something going on between the two of you?

* * *

It’s been the third week of school and Isak’s about to get slowly but surely used to be around here without Even, he still misses to see his smiling face walking around the halls, he still misses to spend the breaks with him, but it’s getting easier from day to day – it has to.

“Isak?” a voice shouts from behind, he stops his steps and turns around.

“Hei.” Jakob breaths with a smile on his face as he reaches him.

“Hei, Jake.” Isak smiles back “What’s up?”

“Uhm I just wanted you to ask if it’s okay if we’re doing this Biology assignment at my place. My parents aren’t home and I don’t want to leave Fuzz alone all day.” Jakob says and darts his tongue out to wet his lips.

“Fuzz?” Isak grins and raises one of his brows.

“That’s my dog.” Jakob blushes a little and to be honest it's adorable “It's a cool name, though.”

Isak huffs out a chuckle “Pretty cool, yeah.”

“Shut up, Is.” Jakob's blush gets a bit darker and Isak smiles to himself.

“I can't wait to meet Fuzz.” Isak chuckles and then he remembers that Eva's waiting for him to get home together so he quickly adds “Shit, sorry I gotta go, Eva's waiting for me. Text me your address, yeah?”

“Will do.” Jakob smiles, Isak mirrors his smile before he makes his way out the school.

.

“What took you so long?” Eva asks loudly as she sees Isak walking toward her.

“Sorry, ran into Jake.” Isak explains and Eva raises her eyebrows.

“Aha, Jake.” Eva enhances the names, her brows raise even higher “Is there something going on between the two of you?” she asks, her voice lower as if she's awaiting that Isak's telling her a big secret.

Isak rolls his eyes and shoots a glare at her “No, Eva. We're just Biology partners and maybe something like friends.”

“Okay.” Eva nods and bites down her bottom lip, there's something she wants to say, Isak knows it - he knows that look on her face, but Eva just studies his face for a few more seconds. She sighs eventually, gets up from the bench, grabs her backpack and shoulders it “Let's get some coffee, before we head home.” She gives Isak a smile and he nods “Okay.”

.

It's a sunny Tuesday and it's still warm enough to sit outside, so Isak and Eva decide to chill on her balcony for the rest of the afternoon. Eva's complaining about her new Spanish teacher and she tells Isak how often Noora already has saved her ass in class.

“Issy, is everything okay?” Eva looks at him, her worried eyes lingering on his face.

“Yeah.” Isak slowly nods, trying to convince himself that everything's fucking great, fucking perfect, but it isn't.

“I can see that something's bothering you, though.” Eva doesn't give up and Isak starts nervously chewing on his inner cheek, taking his eyes off of her to look at the distance.

“It's going to be weird without Even around here.” Isak exhales loudly, he manages a small smile as he turns his head to look back at her.

“I know this sucks, but..” Eva sighs beside him, laying her hand on his shoulder and lightly squeezing it “...you still got me, though.”

Isak huffs out a quiet chuckle “I know, Evie, but still...” Isak stands up and leans against the handrail.

Eva stands up as well, she lays her arm around Isak and leans her head on his shoulder “Does he know about your feelings?”

“We kissed in Italy.” Isak spills, his eyes still pinned at the distance “We're taking this chill, whatever _this_ is. I think he's scared or something. I don't know.” Isak wracked his brain because of their situation already a thousand times, he did during Math class, he did at night when he couldn't sleep and his mind always came up with the wildest explanations why Even's hesitating.

Eva slowly nods against Isak's shoulder, she turns her head to look at his profile and asks “What about you?”

“What do you mean?” Isak slightly turns his head to look at his best friend.

“How do _you_ feel? Are _you_ scared?” Eva clarifies her question, her eyes studying his face.

“I mean.. I don't know..” Isak sighs honestly and looks down at his hands “I'm scared that he regrets the kissing and just doesn't know how to say it. I'm scared he wants to take it chill because he doesn't know how to say that he only wants to be my friend.”

“Issy...” Eva wraps her second arm him and hugs him tightly, as they let go, she smiles lightly and sighs “Doesn't it suck to be a teenager?”

“I don't know about you but I'm having the time of my life.” Isak huffs out a sarcastic laugh and Eva gently shoves his shoulder and scoff "Idiot."

 .

 

It’s Thursday night and Isak’s lying in his bed, he’s sleepless. Again. The day when Even’s moving is coming closer and closer, it’s literally lurks behind the corner and it’s the only thing Isak can think of since Even told him about it.

He's tossing and turning in his bed, desperately trying to find a comfortable position to finally fall asleep, but it’s pointless - a simple waste of effort. He leans up and runs his fingers through his curls, he checks the time on his phone and sighs as he sees that it’s only around two in the morning.

Isak gets out of his bed and puts on a shirt and some sweatpants, he walks up to his desk and pulls one of the drawers open, the cigarette pack in there is smiling at him - there are still two left, he hasn’t smoked a cigarette since Italy. Isak’s fingers slightly brush over the package, but before they can grab it, he closes the drawer again. He’s not giving in, not tonight.

He takes the steps around his desk and opens his window, he climbs out at the scaffold and takes a deep breath, taking in the cool night air. Isak walks along the plattform and eventually climbs the scaffold down at the other end. He knows it’s a stupid and impulsive decision, but he's doing it anyway. In all the weeks this thing has been here the other boy always came to visit him and he never climbed the scaffold to visit Even, but he’s changing that now.

The plattform is about a meter higher than Even's window, that makes it a little trickier to actually get close to it, but Isak manages to knock on the other boy’s window anyway.

Even doesn’t open and Isak knocks another time, it takes a few seconds before the curtains eventually get pulled aside and Even’s looking out the window. Isak leans down a bit, his hand waving in front of Even's face behind the glass, the older boy smiles as soon as he realizes it's him.

The window swings open and Even whispers “What are you doing here, Is?” his voice sounds tired, but also kind of amused.

“I couldn’t sleep and it came to my mind that I actually never visited you.” Isak smiles down at Even.

“Yeah because I’m living on the second floor.” Even chuckles and slightly shakes his head, but he climbs out the window and up the scaffold anyway, Isak helps him a bit to get up on the platform.

.

“I just think it’s weird that he invited you to come to his house, especially the whole ‘My parents aren’t home' part.” Even sighs beside him.

Isak knits his brows and turns his head to look at him “We’re just doing the assignment. I don’t why you’re so skeptical about it.”

“Because boys like Jakob don’t invite you to study and do assignments.” Even says and he brushes a curl behind Isak’s ear.

“Do you hear yourself talking? That’s just ridiculous.” Isak huffs out a laugh, but Even doesn’t join, his eyes boring into Isak’s.

“It’s just that…” Even stops his words and looks out in the dark.

“You’re worried, I know.“ Isak continues Even’s sentence and he nudges his shoulder “But you don’t have to, I mean I’m a big boy I can take care of myself.”

“I know, Is… it’s just that… boys like that have their ways, you know.” Even sighs again and Isak rolls his eyes, it’s kind of annoying that Even thinks, he’s that easy to have. Isak doesn’t plan on sleeping with Jakob, he just wants to do the work and that’s it, but it seems like Even sees this whole thing differently.

“Jesus, you really think he invited me to get in my fucking pants?” Isak asks bluntly and maybe a little too loud for the night.

Even cups his face with his hands and says “Mmh, I do believe that, I mean look at you, Is, you’re fucking gorgeous. I’m not blaming that he’s trying, though.”

“Shut up.” Isak chuckles, his cheeks blushing furiously, he lays his hands on Even’s and whispers “Can we please stop talking about Jakob now?”

“Okay.” Even whispers, his eyes locking with Isak’s “Let’s go inside, it’s getting cold out here.”

.

“Come on it’s just two or three centimeters, just slip down, I’m gonna catch you, you won't fall.” Even whispers, reaching his hands toward Isak.

Isak frowns and looks down at the ground “What if I fall? It’s pretty high, though.”

“Boys like us don’t die that young, Is.” Even grins at him and Isak rolls his eyes “Wow, how encouraging, Even.”

“Stop looking down, it makes it only worse.”

“Maybe I should just climb down and come through the front door?“ Isak says, a deep frown on his forehead, his voice shaking a bit, because he's actually terrified to fall to the ground. It’s not that high, but the possibility of breaking his neck is given, though.

“No, Is, I'll have you. Come on, slide down.” Even smiles and his words sound so confident that Isak can’t do anything but believe his best friend.

He slowly slides down the platform, his toes are almost reaching the windowsill, he desperatelly tries to get his feet on there, but he simply is two centimeters too short.

"Shit." Isak breaths, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he pushes his body away from the platform, to kind of jump through the window into Even's room and the other boy steps a little aside, so Isak won't jump on him.

Isak's feet land on the windowsill, but he loses his balance and his upper body is about to fall back, in that short moment of a second or two Isak think's that he's about to crash to the ground, but Even grabs his hands and pulls him inside the room. 

They land uncomfortably on Even's bed, the other boy's arms are tightly wrapped around him, both their chests are heaving. Isak's heart is pounding like crazy and adrenaline is rushing through his body "Holy shit." he pants and frees himself from Even's tight embrace to lay down beside him on the bed.

Even turns his head to look at him, his eyes are still wide and his expression filled with pure shock "For a second I thought, you're really gonna fall. Fucking hell."

Isak doesn't know why, he thinks it's because of his shock and all that shit but he repeats Even's words from earlier with a giggle "Boys like us don't die that young, Even."

Even frowns and then he joins Isak's light laughter and Isak's blaming the adrenaline for that stupid reaction. They're chuckling beside each other like little kids, Even tries a few times to place his hand on Isak's mouth to make him stop laughing, but this only causes Isak to laugh even more. It's silly and ridiculous, but Isak can't help it.

.

As their laughter dies down, it's silent in the room, Even takes a deep breath and leans over Isak, he draws his fingers along the outlines of Isak's face and studies if everything’s still intact. Isak brushes his fingers through Even's hair and he smiles at the other boy and Even leans his forehead against Isak's "You're never gonna climb out there ever again, okay?"

"Yeah." Isak breathes quietly, his eyes locked with Even's, he darts his tongue out to wet his lips, Even's eyes follow the movement of his tongue and Isak doesn't know if he's the one that closes the distance between their lips or if it's Even.

Isak pulls on Even's hair, pressing the other boy closer, openening his mouth wider, to get even more from him. When Even's lips leave his mouth to place kisses on his jaw and down his throat, Isak lets out a quiet whimper, the loss of Even's lips too much, too early.

He feels Even smile against the skin of his neck, before he places tiny but soft pecks along his throat and when he softly bites down on his collarbone, Isak's head's spinning.

_Is this really happening? Is this fucking real?_

Isak cups Even's face and pulls him gently back up, he looks into the other boy's blue eyes, they're filled with lust and fondness. Pure happiness washes over him and he can feel tears stinging in his eyes - tears of joy - because he never thought Even would ever look at him like this, with so much admiration. He buries his fingers in his hair again and brushes their lips together.

_This is real. This is really happening._

Isak's hands wander down Even's side, making the boy shiver and sweet and delicate sounds rolling over his lips.

Even presses his crotch down against his, Isak's fingers dig deeper into Even's skin, a quiet moan escapes his lips and his eyes flutter shut.

The other boy grabs the end of Isak's shirt and starts to pull it over his head, Isak leans up a bit to help Even getting his shirt off. Isak smiles at him and Even kisses him softly, his hands wandering slowy down to his belt. Even interupts their kissing for a second to look Isak in the eyes, he raises one of his brows, asking him if it's okay, Isak bites down his bottom lip and nods.

Even takes off Isak's pants and throws them on the floor, he smiles at Isak and breaths "You're so fucking beautiful, Isak.“

Isak flushes, he brings his hands up to Even's neck and pulls him down to press his lips against Even's again, trying to hide how much Even's word actually affect him. He grabs Even's shirt and pulls it over the other boys head, it lands somewhere on the floor.

Isak ghosts open mouthed kisses along Even's chest, his fingers fumbling with the other boy jeans, he finally manages to unbutton them with one hand, but he struggles a bit with actually getting them off.

"Why the hell do you always have to wear these extra tight ones.“ Isak groans and Even huffs out a laugh "As if you wouldn't love to see me in them.“ helping Isak to pull them off.

"Maybe I do.“ Isak grins and kisses Even again, his thumbs gently brushing over the other boy's cheek.

Even's leaning over Isak again, his body resting between his legs, pressing their hips firmly against together, the friction between them enough to get Isak into ecstasy. His breath hitches and with every touch he can feel that Even's about to push him over the edge. Isak wishes so bad he could have this longer, but the little moans coming from Even, his scent, his hot breath on his lips drive him wild and he can't hold back any longer.

Isak bites into Even's shoulder and cums with softly moaning the other boy's name, Even follows only seconds after with a quiet groan.

Even kisses Isak's forehead before he rolls down from him, letting his body fall beside Isak, both of them staring at the ceiling and trying to catch their breaths.

Isak turns his head to look at Even and chuckles "So much to taking this chill, huh?“

The other boy huffs out a laugh and places a kiss on Isak's shoulder “I think that was pretty chill, though.“

. 

 

“Hei.” Isak greets Even as he walks in his room “Seems like you're almost done with packing.” he looks around the other boy's room, moving boxes stacked on top of each other, not a single one of Even's drawings, sketches, printed out memes is left on the wall.

This sight makes Isak sad, it's really happening, Even's really moving away from here, the past three weeks he could push away the thought of his best friend – the boy he's in love with – moving away.

“Yeah, the biggest part is done.” Even smiles, it's a sad smile and Isak feels even more like crying now.

He walks up to Even's bed and flops down beside him “You look a little tired. Are you okay?” Isak asks, tracing the lightly dark circles under Even's eyes with his thumb, the other boy's eyes flutter shut.

Even takes a deep breath, it feels like he's trying to root himself, he opens his eyes again and looks into Isak's “Yeah it's just a bit stressful.”

Isak cozies up to Even and wraps his arms around him, Even buries his face in the crook of Isak's neck and places a kiss there, it tickles a little and Isak huffs out a quiet chuckle. Isak's fingers are brushing through the older boy’s hair, Even leans in Isak's touch and it's silent in the room, just the two of them breathing each other in.

Even places another kiss in Isak's neck before he whispers “Are you going out or did you dress up for me?”

“Dress up? I'm wearing the same as every day, Ev.” Isak scoffs and he leans a bit back to look in Even's face. Okay yeah, he put on his plaid shirt, that looks a little nicer than his everyday clothes, but he definitely didn't dress up.

“Okay.” Even smiles at him “Then you look extra pretty today.”

“Shut up.” Isak chuckles and shoves the other boy lightly.

Even wraps his arms around Isak and cuddles him close, placing a kiss on the top of his curls, his temple and then all over his face, Isak's giggling like a little child “Even, stop.”

“Never.” Even chuckles and continues to litter his face with tiny, but soft kisses.

.

“Do you really have to go to Jakob's?” Even asks, his eyes looking at the ceiling.

“Yeah, I gotta get this stupid assignment done.” Isak sighs, he looked forward to spend time with Jakob, because he seems to be an interesting and nice guy, but now that he's here with Even, lying comfortable beside him, his mind has changed. He doesn't wanna leave, he wants to stay in here with Even, he wouldn't even mind to stay in here forever with him. But procrastinating things, especially stuff for school, has never been Isak's thing – he would never admit but he's pretty nerdy when it comes to this.

“And aren't you meeting up with Sonja again?” Isak really tries to say her name without wrinkling his nose but according to Even's chuckling it didn't really work.

“Are you jealous, Is?” Even asks, now towering over him, his blue eyes boring into Isak's green ones.

“Me jealous? Nah.” Isak says and he hears himself that it doesn't sound very convincing.

“Oh my God, you're such a bad liar, it's unbelievable.” Even barks out a laugh, he leans down and places a kiss on Isak's forehead.

“Do you have to go on that date with her?” the question shoots through his mind and he realizes that it actually rolled over his lips as he sees Even's lips curl up into a soft smile.

“Yeah, mamma and Sondre don't stop nagging about it. And it's just a coffee, Is.” Even's eyes are studying Isak's face, he leans down and rubs his nose against Isak's “Are you mad at me because I'm going?”

“No.” Isak says honestly, he's not mad, he's just jealous and fucking terrified that Even's falling in love with her, because according to him, she seems to be a precious girl. He's not mad at Even, he's mad at himself, he was the one, who encouraged Even a few weeks ago to meet her, because he thought Sonja could use a friend.

So if one day Even and Sonja will get married, he will be the one that they both thank because thanks to him Even went to meet her. Isak doesn't want to have this bitter and sad thoughts, but he can't help himself.

“Is...” Even whispers, he cups Isak's face with his hand, his thumb gently stroking Isak's cheek, he leans in the touch and closes his eyes. He melts whenever Even's touching him that gentle and soft and these kind of touches help him to push away his bitter thoughts, because he knows that he's the only one, who receives them. At least for now.

“I'm gonna miss this.” Isak whispers as he opens his eyes “You not being around here will be so weird.”

“I know, but I'm coming as much as I can, okay?” Even whispers back, his thumb still drawing circles on Isak's cheek.

Isak raises one of his brows and smirks “I'd like that.”

Even huffs out a chuckle as he realizes what Isak's implying “Jesus. Always thinking about the one thing, huh?”

“Maybe.” Isak shrugs and smiles innocently at the other boy.

Even leans closer and places a kiss at the corner of Isak's mouth, along his jaw and down his neck, Isak's eyes flutter shut and he swallows hard “Ev, I...” But he can’t continue his sentences because in that second Even’s lips are pressed against his.

“You?” Even whispers against Isak’s lips, one of his brows raised, Isak doesn’t even remember what he wanted to say earlier.

“Nevermind.” Isak buries his fingers in Even’s hair and pulls him down to connect their lips again.

.

There's a loud knock on the door and Even ends their kissing with a last, soft peck on Isak’s lips before he untangles himself from Isak’s legs around his waist and gets up in a sitting position, groaning a quiet “Jesus.”

Isak follows suit and tries his best to hide the obvious boner in his jeans, he awkwardly leans forward and lays his chin on his hands, trying to look as less aroused as he can.

Even runs his fingers through his hair and loudly says “Yeah?”

Isak's staring at Even's profile, his face is lightly flushed, his lips a little swollen from all the kissing, and Isak kind of proud that he’s the reason Even looks like this and he needs to hide the dumb grin on his face.

The grin gets wiped from his lips as the door swings open and Mathis walks in the room, shit Isak thought it would be Hedda or one of the twins, but not Mathis. There’s no way that Even’s brother doesn’t know what they were doing just a few seconds ago.

Mathis looks between them for a second and a weird smile creeps on his lips, it's barely there but Isak can see that Even's brother knows what was going on in here. Isak’s blushes so hard, it feels like his face is on flames and he's trying to hide his blush by running his fingers over his face and through his hair.

Even looks at his brother with raised brows and asks “What's up, Mathis?” Thankfully at least one of them seems to be able to stay cool in this situation.

“Mom just called and told me to remind you that you have a date with Sonja in about half an hour. She told me to shoo you out and get there.” Mathis says and he smirks, his glance wandering from his brother to Isak, as if he's more than interested in Isak's reaction to these words.

Isak shifts uncomfortable under Mathis glance, he takes a breath and nudges Even's shoulder with his “We can take the tram together, the KB is the same direction as Jakob's, though.”

“Great.” Even smiles and gets up from the bed, he walks up to his wardrobe and starts rummaging in it. Isak looks at Mathis and smiles at him, Even's brother looks amused about this whole situation and Isak would love to crawl in a hole and never come out again.

“Is there something else?” Even asks with knitted eyebrows.

“No that's all. Have fun with Sonja.” Mathis grins as he leaves the room and Isak wants to flip him off. Jesus, what an asshole.

“Yeah whatever.” Even rolls his eyes, grabs a hoodie from the drawer and shrugs it on. He turns around and smiles apologetically at Isak and sighs “Sorry, sometimes he's an asshole.”

“Sometimes?” Isak raises one of his brows “It’s pretty obvious that he knows what had been going on here.”

“Maybe, but he doesn't care anyway. He rarely cares about what I'm doing.” the boy shrugs and he has no idea how wrong he is with that, Mathis cares a lot, he just doesn't know how to show it. Isak might not be his biggest fan, but he has to give him that, Mathis cares about his brother, he knows because he saw the look in his eyes when Even was depressed, he actually cares a lot, maybe even too much.

“I don't think he doesn't care.” Isak says while he stands up from the bed and walks toward the other boy.

Even smiles at Isak and sighs “Doesn't change the fact that he just came in here to tell me what I have to do.” Even's changing the subject and Isak gets the hint, he doesn't want to talk about his relationship with his brother. Isak needs to admit that it's a weird relationship, they both seem to care about each other and at the other hand they pretend not to, they seem to love each other but at the same time there's some kind of weird dislike catchable between the two boys.

“Okay, okay.” Isak sighs “Are you ready to bounce?”

“Mmh.” Even nods and takes a step closer to Isak “Almost.” He cups Isak’s chin with his fingers and brings his lips to his, it’s just a peck, but it’s soft and gentle and it makes Isak weak in the knees. Even smiles at him, he runs his fingers through his curls and whispers “You should wear a snap back, you’re curls look pretty messy.”

Isak turns to the mirror, trying to get a look at the mess of his hair, but there’s something else that catches his eye “Fucking hell, Even.” He hisses as he sees a not quite small hickey on his collarbone.

“Sorry, stuff happens in the heat of the moment.” Even chuckles behind him.

“I hate you.” Isak sighs and tries to hide the most of the red shining bruise under his shirt.

“Nah, you love me.” Even wraps his arms around Isak from behind and places a kiss on his neck.

.

In the tram they share a comfortable silence, Even’s fingers are drawing and writing unknown words at the back of Isak’s hand.

A few minutes before Even’s stop, the other boy leans closer and places a kiss on Isak’s temple “Have fun. But not too much.”

“Mmh.” Isak hums, but he starts giggling as Even kisses down his ear to his neck “Don’t.” he gently shoves Even away and adds “Showing up at Jake’s house with a boner, might give the boy the wrong idea, don’t you think?” Isak chuckles.

Even makes a face, but sighs “You’re right.”

.

The front door opens to Jakob’s house and the boy greets him with a wide smile “Hei.”

“Halla.” Isak smiles back and before he can even take a step in the house, a big black dog comes to greet him.

“Hei, I guess you’re Fuzz?” Isak chuckles and pets the dog.

“Yeah that’s Fuzz, the one and only.” Jakob laughs and helps Isak to get in the house.

Isak’s not gonna lie the house is huge, and it’s beautiful in there, it’s light flooded and welcoming, Isak instantly feels comfortable in there. They walk along the hall and there are photos of three little children plastered all over the walls, they’re smiling in every single one.

“My two older sisters, Anna und Amalie.” Jakob says as he sees Isak looking at all the photos “Anna’s studying in Trondheim and Amalie is doing a semester abroad in the US.”

“You’re parents seem to be pretty proud of you guys.” Isak smiles at Jakob and the other boy nods, again a cute blush on his cheeks.

Isak follows him out on the terrace and the back yard is even more impressive than the house itself, there’s a huge swimming pond surrounded by all sorts of exotic grass, there’s a cute pavilion at the other corner and a huge shed along the side. The flowers and bushes are colorful and so pretty and Isak asks himself if they take care of all this themselves or if they have a gardener for this.

They sit down at a huge terrace table, there are already glasses and decanters filled with, Isak guesses, iced tea. Jakob smiles at him, but the look on his face is insecure, it seems like he’s afraid what Isak’s thinking about all this.

“It’s fucking beautiful here.” Isak says and smiles at the other boy.

“It is.” Jakob seems to be relieved that Isak’s not making a huge deal out of their fucking impressive house and yard.

.

They start their work and Isak realizes that Jakob's indeed as smart as Sana, okay not that brilliant but his knowledge is impressive. Their work is done rather quickly and Isak's happy that it went so quick and smooth, although they had a few discussions.

During their work Isak finds out that Jakob's a funny guy, and he's totally not like all the rumors say he is, he doesn't seem like the typical asshole type of guy, actually he seems sweet and dorky, even a little shy sometimes.

They're talking about this and that and time seems to fly by, it's already half past eight when the doorbell pulls Isak and Jakob out of their bubble.

“Shit, I totally forgot that I invited the guys.” Jakob says and smiles apologetically at Isak “Sorry, though.”

Someone's ringing the doorbell a few more times and Isak chuckles “Don't worry. Go and open them up before they pull the door out of its angles.”

Jakob makes his way downstairs and comes back with three of his friends two minutes later “Guys you remember Isak?”

“Hey man.” the boys say in unison.

“Julian, David and Alexander.” Jakob introduced his friends and they greet Isak with a handshake “Hei.”

Alexander nods toward their notes on the table and scoffs “Fucking hell, you guys still doing shit for school? It's Saturday night, gosh, Jake you really need to stop being so nerdy.”

The boys laugh and Jakob rolls his eyes “Other than you dumbass I want to go to university, so I gotta be a little nerdy. And girls love nerdy boys, and the guys do as well, so I see no harm in that.”

“He's right, though, nerdy is the new hot.” David says and nods enthusiastically.

“Yeah, whatever.” Alexander sighs defeated “But can we do something fun now, please.”

Julian clears his throat and pulls a small plastic bag out of his pocket and all the boys either whistle or breathe an impressed “Oy.”

.

Isak's not high out of his mind, but his brain is floating in the comfortable dizziness of the weed, it feels like it's wrapped in a cozy, warm blanket.

The boys talk something about a girl from first year, Emma or something, Isak has no idea, because he doesn't really listen, he's looking at the stars, which are kind of dancing for him tonight.

“Yo, Isak.” David nudges his shoulder.

“Huh?” Isak asks and blinks a few times “Sorry, I zoned out a bit.”

The others chuckle and Isak joins in, it's silly, they're silly and holy shit this is some good weed.

“We're discussing if Emma is hotter or Elena.” David brings out between his chuckles.

“I don't know.” Isak shrugs.

“What do you mean, you don't know, are you gay or what?” Alexander laughs, Isak doesn't even wince at this comment, but Jakob shoots his friend a glare.

Okay Isak is still a bit unsure about this whole gay thing, and everything – he knows he is but he's still afraid what people might think about him when they find out about that, he's scared that they will treat him differently or mock him, especially guys like Alexander.

The weed muffles his worries and he shrugs “Yeah, I might be a little gay.” he smiles at them, the boys look at him with wide eyes, Jakob's the only one that doesn't look surprised - of course not.

“Fucking hell, really? I thought you had a thing going on with Eva or Vilde.” David sighs and Isak can't help but think that he must be the Magnus of their squad.

“Shit me too. And you don't look gay at all.” Julian says and Jakob rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

“Guys you're all idiots, you know that right?” Jakob sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

“That's why we're your friends.” Alex huffs out a laugh and Jakob boxes his shoulder “Asshole.”

And then they all start laughing again, and the weird atmosphere clears again, Isak takes a deep breath, and he leans back on his back, staring back up in the stars, and suddenly he wishes Even would be here beside him. He wishes he could look at the dancing stars with Even.

The phone in his pockets pings and he pulls it out, he smiles cause it's a text from the older boy, it's like they missed each other at the same moment, but when he opens the text he rolls his eyes and snorts.

 ____________________________

**Even  
21:08**

 

EVEN, istg  
Imma block your ass. BYE.  


NO, I'm sorry, Is. How's it going?

Pretty chill.

Pretty chill?

How's the date with Sonja?

I'm already back home, I told you it was just a coffee.

How was it?

Pretty chill.

I love you too ♥

♥

 ____________________________

 

Jakob lays down beside him and Isak knows that he caught a glimpse of the conversation with Even, Jakob studies his face for a second before he asks “Funny conversation?”

“Huh? No just my best friend asking about random shit.” Isak smiles at the other boy.

“Is it the guy, who picks you up from school sometimes? Tall, dark blond hair, handsome as hell?” Jakob asks quietly and raises one of his brows.

“Yep, that’s Even.” Isak can't hold back his smile from getting a little brighter.

“Even.” Jakob's mouths and he knits his eyebrows lightly as if the name left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“We should watch that movie again, what was it called, shit I can't remember.” David says, Isak leans up to look at the confused boy.

“Dude, we're not gonna watch Sharknado again, no no no.” Alexander sighs and dramatically shaking his head.

“But we never watched it while being high.” David wags his eyebrows “That's still on our list.”

“Your list?” Isak asks, his eyes wandering from one boy to the other.

“We watch movies sober, drunk and high. Seeing how much the intoxication clouds our judgment.” Alexander shrugs.

“Bit nerdy, huh?” Isak chuckles and lightly shoves the boy’s shoulder.

“Shut up. That's something different, it's not a school thing.” Alexander lightly shoves him back and laughs.

“If you say so.” Isak grins at him and Alexander just rolls his eyes.

“So are we gonna watch or what?” David claps his hands together, looking questioningly at all of them.

“Sure let's do this, but first another round.” Julian says and Isak's almost startles as he hears the boy's voice, he's been quiet for the past half hour or even longer, Isak almost forgot that he's even here.

They get another round and Isak's brain feels like it's in the clouds or even up higher, he leans toward Jakob and says “Fuck, that's some good shit.”

Jakob only chuckles, he stands up and grabs Isak's hand to help him getting up “Time for Sharknado.” he announces and the boys cheer in unison.

They walk down to the basement, there's a huge room down there, furnished with a couch and some beanbags, and at one end there’s as huge screen. Isak blinks a few times to make sure it's real and not just a weed based imagination.

The boys make themselves comfortable at the beanbags and Isak lets his body sink in the couch, it feels amazingly soft, so soft that he runs his fingers a few seconds over the fabric and just feels it, fucking hell, he's never been this weirdly high.

Jakob puts on the movie, and as it begins the other boys cheer and Jakob flops down beside Isak, close, very close, but it's not uncomfortable, quite the opposite to be honest and that fact scares Isak a little.

Is he allowed to feel comfortable around other boys, although he has this friends with benefits thingy going on with Even, they're not in an actual relationship so it should be oaky, right? But why does it still feel kind of wrong?

Isak tries to calm himself down a little, the weed lets him overthink this whole situation way too much, Jakob's just a guy who sits beside him and just because he's bisexual doesn't mean he's automatically into Isak, right?

He flinches when his phone pings again, he smiles apologetically at Jakob and pulls it out of his pocket.

 ____________________________

**Eva  
21:49**

Issy, where are you?

At Jake's. Why?

Oooh, okay ;)  
Sorry for disturbing.

Someone ever told you that you're a rude boy?

Only when my best friends annoy me and stick their noses in my business.

I do.  
Talk to you later, okay?  
Don't wanna be a rude guest.

Take care, Issy baby ♥

♥

 ____________________________

 

“Even again?” Jakob asks, his eyes are pinned at the screen while he asks.

“No, Eva this time.” Isak sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Are your friends worried because you're with me?” Jakob asks, he turns his head and raises one of his brows.

“Maybe.” Isak huffs out a laugh.

“You're friends are cute.” Jakob smiles and starts playing with one of Isak's curls, that reaches out from his snapback “But you're even cuter.”

Thanks to the weed Isak lets out an embarrassing giggle “Am I?” He looks around, checking if the other boys heard this more than embarrassing sound, but they're spread out on the beanbags and they're attention is fully directed to the movie on the scream, all three of them watching the flying sharks with slightly open mouths.

“Mmh.” Jakob hums beside him, his fingers trail down Isak's neck, a pleasant shiver runs down Isak's spine and he swallows. Fucking hell the weed makes Jakob's touches even more intense, but all Isak can think of is how different these touches feel from Even's and before something more can happen, Isak stutters “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

Jakob shortly nods and smiles at him “Okay, hurry up.”

Isak tries to leave the room slow and not to storm out like a panicking little kid, he checks two doors before he eventually finds the bathroom, he locks the door behind and slowly slides with his back down 'til he sits on the floor. He drums his head against the door, once, twice, thrice.

The snapback falls from his head, he runs his fingers through his hair and mutters “Fuck.” Isak closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, one, two, three. He fumbles his phone out of his pocket and before he can think more about it, he hits the call button.

“Isak?” Even answers and Isak's inner turmoil immediately calms down.

“Hei.” he smiles and there’s a few seconds of silence in the line “Are you home?”

“Yeah.” Even’s voice sounds a bit worried.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Of course, text me the address.” Isak can hear the unspoken words floating in the line ‘Are you okay?’ , but Even doesn’t ask them.

“Will do.” Isak says and hangs up, and he doesn’t know but suddenly he feels tears stinging in his eyes, he feels so relieved. And he makes a mental note to never smoke weed with Jakob and his friends ever again.

He quickly types the address and sends it to Even, he wants to stay here for another few minutes, in the calm safe of the bathroom, but a quiet knock on the door startles him, he quickly gets back on his feet and opens the door.

“Is everything okay?” Jakob asks cautiously, studying Isak's face.

“Yeah, I just think the weed was a bit too much for my weak ass.” Isak sighs, he walks to the bathtub and sits down at its edge.

“Are you feeling dizzy or sick?” the other boy asks, serious worry is swinging in his voice.

“I'm okay.” Isak gives him a small smile and Jakob sits down beside him.

The other boy's looking at his feet, with which his nervously playing, and Isak asks himself if Jakob's always that sweetly shy and kind of clumsy around people he wants to hook up with “I'm sorry that the guys showed up, though, I totally forgot that I invited them.”

“It's okay, they're pretty chill and fun, though.” Isak says and he means it, it was nice to hang out with them.

“Good. Should I call someone to get you home?” Jakob asks and he looks back in Isak's eyes.

“It's okay, I texted Even.” Isak smiles weakly and the other boy nods.

.

Jakob walks the stairs up with him and as he grabs a jacket, Isak knits his brows and wants to ask what he's doing, but before he can, the boy says “You didn't think I would let you wait out there alone, did you? I mean unless you want to be alone..then I can..”

“It's okay.” Isak interrupts Jakob's nervous patter with a smile and they step out in the night.

Isak grabs out his cigarette pack from his jacket and bites down his bottom lip, only two left, he puts it back in his jacket.

He feels Jakob's eyes on him, so he turns his head to look at him, the other boy has an amused smile on his face “You actually smoke?”

“Yeah, unfortunately. But I'm about to stop. Only two left of my last package ever.” Isak sighs and he sits down on the stairs that lead to the front yard.

“You're full of surprises Isak Valtersen.” Jakob huffs out a chuckle, he grabs out a package of his hoodie. He lights a cigarette and takes a drag himself before he reaches it to Isak and sits down beside him, but not that close as he did on the couch “I'm not gonna tell anyone.”

Isak takes it and drags on it, he inhales the smoke deeply and breaths it out again “You're full of surprises yourself Jakob Iversen.”

He smiles at the other boy, in this light he looks pretty, really fucking pretty and Isak totally gets why all these boys and girls fall for him, he's not that usual fuckboy asshole. He's sweet and cute and Isak asks himself after he got to see a glimpse of Jakob if he's actually that big of a fuckboy or if those stories are just made up rumors. What Isak has seen today, Jakob's an awesome guy, and yet there's this big BUT in Isak's head, actually it's in his heart - but he's no Even.

Headlights illuminate the street in front of Jakob's house, and Isak gets up to his feet “Guess my ride's here.”

Jakob gets on his feet as well, he hesitates for a second but then he hugs Isak, tightly and Isak hugs him back, as they let go Isak smiles at him “Night, Jake, see you in school.”

“Night, Is.” the smile on Jakob's face is big and he turns around to walk back in the house, and Isak makes his way to Even's car.

As he gets in the car, Even looks at him, his expression and smile soft, always so soft for him. Even doesn't say anything, he doesn't ask any weird questions, he just looks at Isak with that ridiculous fond expression.

Isak unbuckles his seat belt again, leans over to his best friend and wraps him in a warm hug, Even immediately brings his arms around him and hugs him even closer.

_Home. This is what home feels like. This is what I want, what I always wanted._

“Are you okay?” Even whispers, burying his nose in Isak's curls.

Isak takes a deep breath, inhaling Even's scent and answers “Now I am.”

As they let go, Even caresses Isak's cheek with his thumb, and Isak leans in the touch, he's been craving to be touched by Even the second Jakob's fingers ran down his neck. He wanted to forget the other boy's touch, he wanted Even's touches to cover the other ones he received that night.

Even studies his face, his fingers gently brushing through Isak's curls, he closes the small distance between their lips and kisses Isak. And this kiss feels different from every other they shared yet, it feels like more, it feels like it contained all the words both don't dare to speak out, it feels like promises they're not ready to make yet. Even kisses Isak like he wants to mark him as his, like he wants to tell him that he doesn't want him to kiss other guys than him.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Isak repeats the words in his head over and over again, a hundred times, a thousand times, he repeats them like a mantra.

_I love you. Only you. I love you so fucking much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos peeps, it means so much and never fails to put a smile on my face ♥  
> Soo there's a lot going on in this chapter.. Isak and Even's first encounter as 'friends with benefits' (a big thanks to all the adrenaline, though), both of them being 'a bit' jealous, the study date with Jake and the boys being soft with each other ♥  
> As always I hope you liked the update and I hope the next one won't take that long again :)
> 
> PS. I was hinting in one of my comments on the last chapter, why Even's hesitating to be more than Isak's best friend.. we will find out about that in the next chapter.. so stay tunned ♥


	10. Oh my god, you like her, don't you?

* * *

Isak walks along the hall in the Bech Næsheim apartment, his fingers running along the walls, it looks so different in here without all the photos and paintings on the wall, it doesn't look like someone's home anymore.

When he steps in Even's room, it feels a bit cold in there, all the things that made this room to Even's are now packed in moving boxes, not a single thing in there is indicating that Even has ever lived here. Isak watches his best friend stuffing something in one of the moving boxes, he walks toward him and lays his hand on the other boy's back. Even doesn't startle, not a bit, apparently he heard Isak walking in.

“Hei.” Isak smiles as Even turns around. He studies Even's face, the look on it a mix of sadness and nostalgia - the way Isak's feeling.

Even mirrors his smile, wraps his arms around him and places a kiss on his temple “Halla, baby.”

Isak melts into Even's arms, he doesn't want to let go, Even neither, so they stand there for a few minutes just hugging each other in a room that isn't Even's room anymore and Isak doesn't know how to feel about all this.

“Are you ready?” Isak asks, he knows it's a dumb question, they talked about this and Even wants this as much as he wants it – not at all.

“Does it even matter?” Even asks back, his eyes locking with Isak's, on his lips still a little smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

Isak brings his hand up to the other boy's face, brushing his thumb over his cheek and whispers “It's going to be okay, Ev.”

“As long as you're with me.” Even leans in the touch and smiles, this time it's reaching his eyes as well.

.

The car ride to Even's new home is quiet, just Even's humming is filling the car, Isak likes it, it distracts his thoughts a bit, he even finds himself singing along to some of these silly pop songs. If someone would watch them, they would think that they're on their way to somewhere in the south, on their way to the beach. They would never think that they're on the way to somewhere they both don't really want to go to.

Isak turns his head, taking in Even's profile, the other boy looks relaxed and soft, so fucking soft with his hair down like this, Isak smiles to himself.

Even seems to feel his glance on him “Are you watching me?”

“Mmh.. I'm shamelessly staring.” Isak chuckles and Even turns his head for a second to look at him, a beaming smile on his face. He takes his hand from the gear shift and grabs Isak's, gently squeezing it “You're too cute, Is.”

“I'm not cute.” Isak lamely protests, smiling like an idiot and intertwining their fingers.

The car comes to hold at a red light, Even turns to look at him, brings their hands up to his mouth and places a kiss on the back of Isak's “You are.” His eyes check the traffic light and as he finds it still red, he frees his hand from Isak's, runs it through his curls and leans closer to place a soft kiss on Isak's lips “The cutest.”

Isak's heart is running a thousand kilometers per hour, he's sure the look on his face is more than dumb, he didn't expect a kiss from Even, not in the middle of rush hour on a Friday afternoon on the streets of Oslo. He blinks a few times, checking if he's not dreaming and this is really happening, Even smiles at him, so fond so soft, it melts Isak's heart.

Someone behind them decides it's enough and presses their car horn for good five seconds. Isak's lips escapes a light chuckle “We've stopped the whole traffic.”

“Totally worth it.” Even winks at him, engages a gear and the car comes into moving again.

Isak can't take his eyes off of the other boy for the rest of the drive and he can't get rid of the smile on his lips. How can he be this happy on a day like this?

.

Isak follows Even through some sort of passage to a big shared yard, he needs all his concentration to not stumble over his feet while his head moves left, right, up and down, inspecting this place – Even's new home.

Even leads him to the apartment, which is actually a bungalow and it's really nice, there's enough space for Even's family and Isak must admit that it's beautiful.

He puts the moving box in Even's new room and places his hands on his hips, letting his eyes wander around the room, when they meet Even, the other boy smiles at him, it's small and it looks a little nervous, as if it's asking _What do you think?_

“As much as I hate to say that, but it's really fucking nice here.” Isak admits, lightly shaking his head.

“It really is.” Even agrees, slowly nodding his head and then he chuckles “And I really was planning to hate it here, but I don't know... it's like I can't.”

“Me neither, it's really great. And your family looks so happy, though.” Isak says, sure it's sad that Even doesn't live in Oak Wood Hills anymore, but it's really nice here, Isak can't deny it and he wants to be happy for Even, even though it's hard, but for Even he tries his best.

.

“Is, that's not how this works.” Jan sighs “You got the wrong bolts. Look.” the boy waves the instruction paper in front of Isak's face.

“Jesus, I always thought people were joking when they said Ikea's instructions are shit.” Isak sighs, grabbing the paper from Jan, studying it again, not willing to accept the fact that a 9-year-old can figure this out before he can.

“You said shit.” Jan giggles, sitting down beside Isak.

“You did too, little man. We're not gonna tell your mom, okay?” Isak winks with a smile on his face “And now let's figure this out.”

Isak places the instruction on the floor in front of them, Jan points his finger on the illustration and says “See, it says to use the smaller ones, that's why it didn't work.”

“You're a genius, little man.” Isak nudges his shoulder with Jan's.

“Jan a genius? You're probably the only one, who thinks that.” Ben walks in the room and huffs out a laugh.

“Shut up, Ben. Better get here and help us with building our beds or do you want to sleep on the floor tonight?” Jan sighs and raises his brows at his twin brother.

“Okay, okay.” Ben puts his hands up in defeat, leans over them to look at the instruction “Looks easy, though.”

“Then let's do this.” Isak claps his hands together and gets up from the floor.

.

About one hour later Isak and the twins have build one of the beds, they high five each other as Hedda walks in the room “Awesome, boys. I think it's time for a little break.”

As Isak walks through the kitchen, Mathis looks at him with a weird glance in his eyes and a dumb grin on his lips. Isak decides to ignore it and keeps walking out in the yard, the boys already started to play football and Isak sits down in the grass, watching them.

Even steps out and sits down beside him “I heard you managed to build up one of the beds with these two monsters.”

“Yeah, these two are fucking geniuses, I mean they figured out that damn instruction before I did.” Isak chuckles and Even joins.

“Even?” Hedda's voice interrupts their light laughter.

“Yeah?” Even calls out.

“Oh, here you are.” Hedda exclaims as she steps out the apartment “Could you please pick Sondre up from the airport?”

“What about Mathis?” Even raises one of his brows.

“He's helping me with the food. Please, Even.” Hedda says, smiling at her son.

“Okay, fine.” Even stands up from the grass, he looks at Isak and smiles apologetically “Sorry, I'll be right back.”

“Don't worry about me, I'll chill with these two monsters.” Isak nods toward the twins and winks at Even.

Even walks back in the apartment and comes back out just a minute later, he waves Isak and the twins goodbye before he leaves the yard through the passage.

Isak stares at the gate of the passage for another few seconds, as he turns his head back to the twins he catches Jan looking at him with a smile on his face before the boy quickly looks back to his brother. Isak bites down his bottom lip, asking himself if his feelings for Even are that obvious that even Jan notices them.

“Is, come on, you rested enough, it's time to join our game.” Ben's shouting pulls Isak out of his thoughts.

“Uh, yeah.” Isak clumsily stands up from the grass and joins their football play.

.

“I'm done, you're not playing fair.” Isak puts his hands up and walks away from the boys, sitting back down on the grass.

“Just admit that you can't keep up with us.” Jan chuckles, resting his hands on his knees to catch his breath and Ben barks out a laugh “Yeah, Jan's right.”

“Never.” Isak laughs and leans back on his hands, his chest's heaving “I'm just nice and let you win.” Isak grins at them, hell he really is a bad liar, these boys have energy that Isak can't keep up with.

The twins roll their eyes, laugh at Isak's explanation and continue their play.

Only a few seconds later Mathis jogs out the apartment and joins his brothers in their play, he laughs with them and Isak asks himself if he ever saw Mathis this carefree and smiley before, probably not or else he would totally remember it. His blue eyes are shining as he picks Jan up and turns around a few rounds with him, Jan is giggling like a little kid and Ben jumps on Mathis back. They fall down to the grass and laugh, a smile spreads across Isak's face, he definitely never saw Mathis like this.

“Okay that's enough, monsters, I need a break.” Mathis laughs and tries to free himself from his brothers.

The older boy walks up to Isak and sits down beside him, running a hand through his hair “Their energy is unbelievable, isn't it?”

“Yeah.” Isak nods, smiling at Even's brother, it's weird to see Mathis without the usual grim look on his face, but Isak likes it better when he smiles, just like now.

The silence between them is a bit awkward, but Isak can tell that Mathis is about to break it at every second. He can see it in the other boy's face that he has something to say, so he waits 'til the other boy is ready to speak.

“Even and I used to be like Jan and Ben, you know.” Mathis eventually says and Isak didn't expect this at all, he thought Mathis would ask what's going on between Even and him.

“You were closer when you were little?” Isak asks, picking on a blade of grass.

“Yes, we were inseparable.” Mathis nods, the smile on his face fades a bit, but the hint of it is still there.

It's silent between them for a few seconds, Isak bites down his bottom lip, he wants to know what happened between the brothers. Even never told him and to be honest Isak never asked about it, because he thought it has always been like this between them. Isak takes his chance, because he thinks if Mathis will tell him about this it's now or never, so he asks “What happened?”

“Even and I grew up thinking that we had the same mom and the same dad, you know. We were only eleven months apart, that's nothing when you're little, so we were like the twins, we did everything together.” Mathis smiles to himself, lightly shaking his head as if he can't believe himself what he's telling Isak right now “But as we became older, Kristian – Even's dad – started to treat me differently. I was always second, looking back now I realize he always did, I just didn't notice it when we were little. And he did because Even was his and I wasn't.”

“Oh.” is all Isak can say, he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to ask Mathis if he was jealous of the relationship between Even and his dad, because the answers is obvious, isn't it?

“Yeah, and Even noticed as well and he hated it, you know Evy.” Mathis huffs out a little chuckle and Isak nods “Whenever Kristian gave Even more of something for example ice cream, he gave it to me. Whenever Kristian wanted to go somewhere with him, Even assured I was going too.”

“Sounds a lot like Ev.” Isak smiles at Even's older brother, there's so much fondness in the boy's voice when he speaks about his brother. Isak knew he cares, he knew it.

“I was a little wild when I was a teenager, I started to refuse listening to Kristian, because I felt treated unfair and he wasn't living with us anymore. I was never mad at Even, I never thought it was his fault, but I started to distance myself, because I didn't want to make him feel bad because I felt treated unfair.” Mathis sighs “I started meeting new people, getting out a lot, I started drinking, I rebelled against everyone and everything. Even didn't get why I was changing, he tried to reach out, but I didn't want him to.”

Isak's silent, he just nods along Mathis' story, taking in his words and thinking about them.

“I was so occupied with my shit that I didn't notice that Even was changing too, but he wasn't going to a phase of stupid rebellion.” Mathis looks down at his hands and bites down his bottom lip “It took us some time to figure out what was going on with him, that he was sick.”

“He was fifteen when he had his first episode, right?” Isak asks, taking his eyes off of Mathis, looking at the twins.

“Yeah.” Mathis nods “He sprayed something on a wall at his old school, the police caught him running around naked in the neighborhood there. Kristian tried to call me that night, but I ignored it and kept partying. If I hadn't been occupied with my shit, I would've noticed that something was up with him and I would've stopped him from doing that and some other stuff.”

“You can't know that, Mats.” Isak looks at him, licking his lips “You can't know that. Maybe you would've been partying anyway or be somewhere with a girl or I don't know.”

“But I wasn't there for him.” Mathis looks into Isak's eyes, they're as blue as Even's.

“You can't _always_ be, Mats. You had your own stuff going on, you were going to some shit yourself.” Isak slightly shakes his head, he knows it might sound harsh, but he just wants Mathis to know that it's not his fault and probably he wouldn't have been able to stop Even even if they still had been close “Who says you would've noticed that he was going to do what he did? You don't know that.”

“You got a point here, huh?” Mathis lightly chuckles and nudges his shoulder with Isak's.

“Yes, I learned that a while ago, you know my mom has depression and whenever she had an episode back then I was crying because I didn't see the signs that she was slipping, because I didn't see them soon enough. But sometimes you just can't...” Isak smiles sadly at Even's brother.

“Oh.” Mathis lightly nods, takes his eyes off of Isak and looks to his brothers "Maybe you're right."

It's silent again between the two boys and this time it's not awkward, it's comfortable. Isak and Mathis haven't spoken that much in the last couple of months, but today they did and Isak thinks it's good that they did.

.

The boys walk in the kitchen to help Hedda set up the table, they sit down and fall into light chatter, it's nice and comfortable in the new kitchen, but the mood shifts as Even steps in the room and with him Sondre and who Isak thinks is Sonja.

“Jesus.” Mathis sighs quietly beside him.

Isak turns his head to look at the boy “What's wrong?”

“It's going to be a lovely dinner. Sondre's not gonna shut up about his precious niece. I can't hear it anymore.” Mathis mutters and rolls his eyes.

“She seems nice, though.” Isak takes another look at the girl beside Even and shrugs his shoulders, trying not to look as disappointed as he feels.

“Oh she is, Isak, she is.” Mathis smiles and is that a little blush on his cheeks.

“Oh my god, you like her, don't you?” Isak huffs out a quiet chuckle.

“What? No. She's more into Even anyway.” Mathis lamely denies and shakes his head.

Isak winces at these words “Oh, right.”

Their whispered words get interrupt by Even who's walking up to them, Sonja's following him. She smiles at Isak and then at Mathis, and Isak notices how nervous the boy beside him suddenly is, Isak tries to hide the knowing grin on his lips.

“Isak, that's Sonja. Sonja, that's Isak.” Isak doesn't know which introduction he awaited, but he awaited more than just _that's Isak_ , but he smiles at the girl and says “Hei, nice to meet you.”

“You too. It's nice to finally have a face to all the stories Even has told me about you.” Sonja smiles at him and Isak blushes a little, he has no clue what Even told her about him, but it seems it has been a lot.

Even sits down beside Isak and Sonja in front of Even, when Even's talking to her about something from Uni, Mathis leans a bit closer and whispers “Don't worry about her. It's you, Is.”

He looks at him with knitted eyebrows, studying his face, Mathis takes the wine glass in front of him and raises it to him, winking or at least it's a try to wink – the inability to wink seems to run in the family, though.

.

The dinner's like Mathis has predicted, Sondre's raving about Sonja and Hedda's politely smiling and nodding along, like everyone else on the table.

Sonja's nice, she really is, but Isak hates the way she and Even are smiling at each other, he hates it.

Isak looks at Mathis and he thinks that he sees the same sorrow in his eyes that probably linger in his own, Mathis looks at him and gives him an encouraging smile, Isak returns it weakly and takes a sip from Mathis wine glass.

Dinner's done pretty quick, much to Isak's liking, he doesn't know how many more of Sondre's stories he would've endured, he would rather build ten beds than listening to the man for another half hour.

They get back to work and Isak ends up with Mathis in Ben's room, building the boy's bed and a wardrobe, but this time without the help of the twins, because Hedda needs them in the kitchen to put some stuff away.

Even's building something in the living room with Sondre and Sonja, Isak tries not to care too much about that, he really tries, but he can't help and every now and then his glance wanders out to the living room. He catches Mathis doing the same.

.

When Isak and Mathis are done in Ben's room it's already dark outside, the boys stretch their backs. Hedda walks in the room and smiles “Thank you boys, it looks great. I think it's time to call it a day, huh? The twins should've been in bed an hour ago.”

“Sounds great, mamma, I can barely keep my eyes open.” Mathis yawns and runs his fingers through his hair.

“Same.” Isak yawns as well and nods.

He walks to Even's room, the other boy's in there with Sonja, she's sitting on Even's matrress on the floor, while Even's leaned against his desk, they're whispering about something.

“I don't know, isn't it a bit weird?” Sonja sighs quietly before she stops and both their heads snap in Isak's direction.

Isak looks between the two of them and he tries to hide how much this sight hurts, how much his heart clenches in his chest. He clears his throat and says “Hedda said to call it a day. The twins need to go to bed.”

“Oh, okay.” Sonja says and stands up from Even's mattress, Isak feels a hand on his shoulder and he turns around “OWH is on my way, you want me to give you a ride?” Mathis asks and Isak darts his tongue out to wet his lips, he's about to nod and say yes, but Even is faster.

“Nope, Is promised me to watch that pretentious movie with me tonight.” Even says and Isak looks at him, dumbly blinks a few times, not knowing what to say. Even raises his brows and smiles “Right, Is?”

“Uhm yeah.” Isak manages to say, almost stumbling over this simple two words. He smiles at Mathis “But thanks, Mats.”

“Okay.” Mathis gives him an honest smile, he waves his brother and Sonja goodbye “Night, losers.”

.

Isak and Even are lying on the mattress on the floor, they haven't managed to build up Even's bed today, but it's still comfortable, though. They're lying a few centimeters away from each other, both looking at the ceiling, Even takes a breath before he says “Seems like you became friends with Mats today, huh?”

Isak turns his head to look at his best friend, he shrugs and says “Nice to know that he's not an asshole all the time, though.”

Even huffs out a laugh “It's nice seeing you around my family. They really embosomed you, though.” He turns to his side, studying Isak's face with a soft smile.

“I did too.” Isak says, mirroring the older boy's smile “Are we watching that pretentious shitty film now or what?”

Even barks out a laugh, stands up from the mattress to get his laptop and puts on the promised movie. Even cuddles up to him and wraps an arm around his body. Isak melts in the touch, forgetting what he saw today, forgetting the smiles Even and Sonja shared at the kitchen table, their whispers in Even's room.

It doesn't take long for Even to doze off and before he turns around he mumbles something in his pillow that sounds a lot like “I love you, Is.”

Isak shuts the laptop, puts it on the floor and places a kiss on Even's hair “I love you too, Ev.”

.

Isak's still staring at the dark of the room, it already feels like he's doing this for hours. His body's aching for sleep, but his mind doesn't want to shut down, questions over questions floating around.

What's going on between Even and Sonja? Has Even told Mathis about the two of us? What is holding him back to be with me, like really be with me? Isak just can't wrap his head around all of this.

He quietly gets up from the bed and sneaks out the room, the apartment's dark, everyone's asleep. He slips out in the shared yard and sits down in the grass, the only light out here is coming from the full moon.

Isak fishes his cigarettes out of his hoodie, he lights the second last one of his package and takes a deep drag – just one left. Isak's eyes wander up to the stars, he stares at them as if they hold the answers for all his questions.

The door gets opened, he thinks it's Even, who noticed that he's missing in bed, but it's Sonja. He almost forgot that Sondre invited her to stay as well, or better said Isak was more suppressing that fact. Isak fights the temptation to just stand up and go back inside, he doesn't feel like talking to her, but he doesn't want to be rude either so he stays.

“Hei.” she smiles, she doesn't asks what he's doing still up, she sits down beside him “Can I have a drag?”

“Yeah, sure.” Isak nods and reaches her the cigarette.

It's silent between them, Sonja inhales the smoke and breaths it out, she reaches the cigarette back with a small smile “I'm sorry for my uncle, though, he's always doing this.”

Isak knits his eyebrows and looks questioningly at her “He tells people how good I am at University and what a good catch I am. He never had any kids himself, but he always treated me like I was his daughter, his proud of literally everything I do. Sometimes he just doesn't know when to stop, when he's raving a bit too much.”

“It's actually sweet that he does, though. He's pretty proud of you.” Isak forces himself to says, smiling weakly.

“Yeah since my dad's left, he's been like a father for me.” Sonja looks up at the stars “Always trying to find out what's best for me.”

“Mmh.” Isak hums, because he has no idea what else to say, something in him is still reluctant to be nice to her, to actually like her. He knows it's awful and he should be ashamed of the way he thinks, but he can't find it in himself to change that, not tonight.

Sonja doesn't notice, or maybe she's simply ignoring Isak's lack of interest “When I told him about my move to Oslo, he got really excited and told me that one of Hedda's sons wanted to meet me and show me around here a bit. I was excited because he showed me a pic of them before.” Sonja huffs out a chuckle and Isak turns his head to look at her. She's beautiful when she laughs, even more out here in the moonlight with her eyes a little crinkled and her mouth curved up in a gorgeous bright smile. He can't blame Even for falling for her, they're the perfect couple, they look good together.

“And then Even showed up at the cafe and I was pretty confused, because I thought I was going to meet Mathis there.” Sonja huffs out a chuckle again.

“What?” Isak says a little too loud for the night, he lowers his voice and asks again “You wanted to meet Mats there?”

“Yeah.” Sonja nods and she smiles at Isak “And now this whole thing is a bit weird, but it doesn't matter anyway, because I have a feeling that Mathis doesn't really like me, I think he's pretty annoyed with me.”

“Mats annoyed with you? That boy would love to take you on a date, though.” Isak blurts out with a chuckle, he quickly covers his mouth with one of his hands “Shit, I shouldn't have said that, he's going to kill me.”

“Wait a second, did he tell you that?” Sonja raises her brows.

“I already said too much.” Isak holds his hands up, lightly shaking his head.

The smile on the girls face becomes even wider, she looks happy and Isak only regrets it a bit that he blurted Mathis secret out. Sonja grabs the cigarette from Isak's fingers again and takes another drag before she goes back in the apartment “Night, Isak.”

“Night, Sonja.”

So Sonja's into Mathis, what a fucking twist, Isak huffs out a laugh and eventually starts laughing quietly out there in the shared yard with himself.

.

Isak slips back under the duvet, Even turns around, wraps an arm around him and whispers “Where have you been?”

“Just outside a bit, looking at the stars.” Isak says honestly, because he knows Even won't believe him anything else anyway.

Even brushes his fingers through his hair and whispers “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Isak breaths, leans forward a bit and places a peck on Even's lips “Everything's fine.”

.

The next morning Isak wakes up alone in Even's bed, it's around nine and he can hear Even's family already rummaging in the apartment. He's a little embarrassed that he slept that long and he's a little annoyed that his best friend didn't wake him.

When he slips out the room, he hears Even and his mom talking in the kitchen. The front door is open, Mathis and Sonja are sitting outside in the yard, watching the twins playing in the sand box and laughing with each other.

Isak watches them for a bit and smiles to himself, he still hopes that Mathis is not going to kill him for blurting things out to Sonja.

He walks in the kitchen, Even's smiling at him and so is Hedda “Isak, I bet you're hungry.” she says, puts a plate with eggs on the table and indicates him to sit down.

“Thanks.” Isak smiles and sits down.

“Even made them. I can't remember the last time he did that.” Hedda says and Even rolls his eyes at the kitchen counter.

“Mom you're acting like I'm a horrible son.” Even sighs.

“You're not honey, but sometimes you're a bit lazy.” Hedda raises one of her brows.

“Thanks for exposing me in front of my bo.. Isak.” Even says and he turns around to hide the deep blush on his cheeks.

Isak's eyes widen a little and he looks down at the eggs on his plate and starts eating, acting as if the word _boyfriend_ didn't almost slip over the other boy's lips.

Hedda grins but she's acting like she didn't hear Even's slip of tongue “As if he wouldn't know by now.” she says nonchalantly and winks at Isak.

Isak blushes a bit but he manages to say “Your mom's right.” Isak laughs, Even turns back around and shoots him a look.

He's digging in the eggs Even's prepared for him with a stupid grin on his lips, and holy they really taste amazing “They're good.” he mumbles with a half full mouth and Hedda laughs “Old family receipt.”

“You should make breakfast more often.” Isak smiles at him and Even nods “Will do.”

Hedda looks between the two before she sits down and takes a bite from her croissant, smiling to herself.

.

Even pushes the door to his room a little shut so they won't be exposed to the rest of the people in the apartment.

He hooks his finger in one of the loops of Isak's belt and pulls him closer for a kiss, it's soft and sweet, so sweet, Isak can taste the strawberries Even ate at breakfast on his lips, on his tongue. Even ends their kiss with a last soft kiss on Isak's lips and leans his forehead against Isak's.

Isak leans a bit back so he can look properly in Even's blue eyes, he tries to hide the grin on his lips as he teases “You almost called me boyfriend out there, didn't you?” The smile on Even's lips falters and Isak wants to kick his own ass.

“Is.. I...” Even's eyes roam Isak's face, he seems to nervously search for the right words and Isak feels awful that he made feel Even that uncomfortable.

“Even?” Hedda's voice cuts through the silence in Even's room.

Isak smiles at Even and nods toward the door, indicating that he should go to his mom, Even turns to make his way out the room, but Isak holds him back by his hand, pulling him back again. He smiles at the other boy and brings his hand up to cup Even's chin with it, he connects their lips for a soft peck and whispers "Don't stress, it's all chill, okay?"

Even takes a breath and nods "It's all chill."

The older boy eventually leaves the room, leaving Isak standing alone in there. _What is holding you back? I don't get it._

.

Isak pushes the cart through the aisles, searching for the groceries Hedda put on the list. Even's walking behind him, his hand every now and then finding its way to the small of his back. Isak likes it, it's small but it's still sweet and the fact that Even seems to totally forget about his own boundaries make it even sweeter.

"Which cereals do you guys usual get?" Isak asks, looking at all sorts of colorful packages in front of him, he waits for an answer from his best friend, but it doesn't come so he turns around to look at him.

The other boy stands there, his fingers clutched around the rail of the cart, his eyes pinned on an older man, Even looks distressed and almost like he's about to panick at every second.

"Ev?" Isak raises one of his brows and before he can walk up to him and lay his hand on his shoulder, the man turns around and a smile draws on his lips "Even? What a surprise to meet you here."

"Dad, hei." Even breaths, his voice a little thin and shaky. He clears his throat, stretches his back standing a little taller and straighter now.

"Dad, this is Isak, my best friend." Even smiles at his father as he lays a hand on Isak's shoulder and lightly squeezes it.

"Hei, Mr. Næsheim." Isak smiles politely as he takes the man's hand to shake it.

"Hei, Isak, so you're the famous best friend, huh?" Even's dad says, he eyes Isak up and there's something in his gaze that makes Isak quite uncomfortable, it feels like the man's trying to look right through him.

“Dad..” Even's voice is pleading and he uncomfortably shifts beside him, Isak turns his head to look at him, he doesn't quite understand what's going on here. Has Even told his father about them? Does he know that there's a little more going on than a friendship between the two boys? At least it does look like his father does know something.

“Even.” the voice of a woman says more than friendly, even a little too friendly and Isak asks himself what the fuck is going on here and if Even's dad and his stepmother are always acting this weird around him.

“Hei, Iris.” Even puts on one of his blinding smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes, he pulls the woman in a half hug, she gently pats his back and says “It's so good to see you.”

“You too, Iris. Uhm this is Isak, my best friend.” Even introduces Isak again to his stepmother and Isak reaches out his hand, greets her as friendly and politely as he did Even's dad “Hei, nice to meet you.”

“Oh, the best friend.” Iris shakes Isak's hand, a smile on her lips but the way she looks at him and the way she impalpably wrinkles her nose makes Isak more than uncomfortable, and the piercing gaze of Even's father isn't making it better, though, he wishes he could get the hell away from here.

“How's the move going, my dear?” Iris asks, taking her eyes from Isak and looking back at Even, her smile gets a little more genuine.

“It's going pretty well, quicker than we actually thought.” Even nods, his voice sounds detached and not like Even at all – Isak has never seen Even like this, so nervous, uncomfortable and kind of cold.

Even awkwardly clears his throat and says “And speaking of moving, mom's already waiting for the groceries, so we gotta hurry up a bit.”

“Well, I hope you come for a visit soon, son.” his dad says and brings his hand to his shoulder and pats it.

“Yeah.” Even nods and he doesn't say anything more, no promises, nothing, just that simple word. Iris pulls him in another half hug and gives him a smile “See you, my dear.”

Even and Isak walk down the next aisle and with every step away from his dad and his stepmother Even relaxes and starts to become himself again. Isak studies his profile for a few seconds, he wants to ask Even what the fuck that was, but he has a feeling that Even doesn't want to talk about it, so Isak stays quiet.

“Sorry, Is.” Even whispers as they come to hold in front of the frozen food section.

“Don't be sorry, Ev.” Isak says and he nudges his shoulder with his.

“It's just...” Even stops and he looks at Isak, roaming his face with his eyes.

“No need to explain me anything.” Isak says, smiling softly at the other boy. Isak can already imagine, why Even’s dad and his stepmother acted the way they did and a supermarket isn't the right place to talk about that, especially with his father and stepmother still in here.

.

Isak's sitting at the balcony at home, a mug of coffee in his hands, staring into space.

“Is everything okay?” Isak startles a little at the voice of his mother, she steps out at the balcony and sits down beside her son.

“Yeah it's just... ugh I don't know.” Isak sighs, taking a sip from his coffee and placing the mug back on the little table.

“What's wrong, baby?” his mother asks, brushing a curl behind his ear.

“We ran into Even's dad and his stepmother in the supermarket today and it was awkward, like really really awkward.”

“What do you mean with awkward?” Marianne asks, studying Isak's face.

“His dad eyed me up with an odd glance in his eyes and as Even introduced me as his best friend he said something like 'The famous best friend, huh?' His stepmother said about the same. It was as if they knew that there's something more going on.” it's out before Isak can stop himself, his eyes widen a little and he looks at his mom.

A smile draws on his mother's lip as she asks “So you and Even?”

“Hmm yeah Even and I. Maybe, I don't really know what this is.” Isak admits, wrapping one of his hands around the mug in front of him.

“You'll find that out.” his mother's still smiling “Do you think that Even's dad could have a problem with his son going out with boys?”

“I don't know, mamma, but it seems like it. They acted so weird and Even did too, so it could be.” Isak slowly nods, he's thinking the same. It seems a lot like Even's dad and his stepmother have a problem with homosexuality.

“Did you guys talk about it?” Marianne asks, before she brings the cup of tea to her lips to take a sip.

“No, I didn't want to pressure him or something, because he was obviously quite uncomfortable with this whole situation.” Isak answers, drumming his fingers against his mug.

“Okay, I get that. The whole thing seems to be a bit complex.” Marianne nods understanding and Isak nods too “I think he will talk to you as soon as he feels ready, he always does, right?”

“Yeah.” Isak smiles lightly, his mom's right. It's quiet for a few seconds between them, both of them looking at the courtyard, after a while Isak turns his head and looks at his mother's profile “And you don't have anything against it?”

“Against what?” Marianne raises her brows, her eyes looking back at her son.

“That I like Even.”

“Honey, no, of course not. Love is love. And the most important thing to me is that you're happy.” she lays her hand on his and gently squeezes it.

“What about dad?”

“You're worried about your dad?” her smile gets wider “He loves you, Issy, no matter what.”

“Are you guys talking about me?" Terje peeks out at the balcony, raising his brows, looking from Isak to his wife.

“Uhm, no.” Isak quickly says, shaking his head, he takes a quick look at his mother, she gives him an encouraging smile.

“Okay.” Isak's dad slowly nods, his eyes wandering to his wife, but he doesn't say anything, he steps out at the balcony and sits down with them.

“How did things go with Even?” Terje asks and Isak almost chokes on the sip of coffee in his mouth.

He stares at his father for a few seconds, in the corner of his eyes he can see that his mother is hiding her grin behind her mug. Isak awkwardly clears his throat and manages to bring out a quiet “Huh?”

“The move, son, how did the move go?” his dad huffs out a laugh.

“Everything went well, it's really nice there. The apartment is actually a bungalow and it's really nice. Everything's really nice.” the words babble out of Isak's mouth, he almost stumbles over them.

“That was one 'nice' too much, son.” Terje lightly laughs.

“Don't be such an insensitive clod, Terje. Issy just needs a little time to get adjusted to this. The boys became such good friends the last couple of months.” Marianne gently shoves her husband's shoulder.

Terje holds his hands up helplessly, but he smiles softly at Isak and says “Sorry, Issy.”

“Don't worry, dad. I'm fine.“ Isak mirrors his dad's smile and lightly shakes his head.

“Okay.” his dad nods but he doesn't look very convinced.

Isak takes a deep breath, takes his mug and stands up “I got some work to do for school.” he lays his hand on his dad's shoulder, squeezing it. His mom lays her hand on his back and pats it “Okay, baby.”

Before he walks back in the living room, he looks at his dad, he thinks about how he should say it, if he should say it or if he should let it be and tell him some other time, but he already procrastinated it long enough, he needs to tell his dad as well “Dad?”

Terje looks at him, waiting for his son to speak “Yeah?”

”I like Even, and I mean not in a best friend kind of way.“ he says and he doesn't know what he was expecting from his father, he knew he would never react the way Even's dad probably did. The smile on his dad's face affirms his assumptions, but it still warms Isak's heart and he's more than happy about his dad's words “But that's greats, Issy.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here, sorry it took me longer than expected, but life got in the way ;)  
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading, leaving comments and kudos .. it means a lot ♥  
> And as always I hope you liked the new chapter and all things going on in there :)


	11. I read something on 'Nissenrumours'

* * *

 

“Issy.” Eva shouts with a beaming smile on her face as she storms in Isak's room and jumps on his bed.

“Jesus, Eva.” Isak huffs, clumsily trying to save his laptop from falling down on the floor.

“I missed you so much.” Eva dramatizes and wraps her arms around him, hugging him as tight as she can, pressing the air out of Isak's lungs.

“Oh my God." Isak huffs out a laugh and hugs his best friend back "I wasn't at school for four days.”

“It felt like forever, I needed to take the tram alone, I had no one who listened to my bullshit.” Eva sighs, a played sad look on her face.

“Stop being so dramatic.” Isak struggles to free himself from her too tight embrace.

“Okay, okay.” Eva huffs out chuckle and let's go of him. She sits down, cross-legged, in front of him, she eyes him up and asks “Are you feeling better, Is?”

“Yes, much better.” Isak smiles at her, he was laying in bed with a light fever and pain in the limbs the last three days, but thankfully it disappeared yesterday afternoon.

“Marianne didn't want to let me see you.” Eva pouts and Isak gently squeezes her shoulder “She didn't want you to get infected and I was sleeping all the time anyway, I couldn't even talk much.”

“But still.” Eva pouts a little more.

“Stop pouting.” Isak rolls his eyes, a grin comes to Eva's lips as she says “Okay, okay, I stop. But today's my day, okay? Just me and you. If you got other plans you have to cancel them.” Eva raises her brows at him.

“I'm all yours.” Isak nods, an amused smile dancing on his lips. They've spent way too less time together lately and Isak missed her too, terribly to be honest, but he doesn't have to say it out loud because Eva knows, she knows how much she means to him.

.

Eva's cuddle up beside him as they watch a crappy American TV show, they laugh half of the time because it's just too ridiculous. Eva's fingers are gently brushing through his hair and Isak dozes off, his light sleep gets interrupt up as Eva let's out a loud laugh that makes her whole body shake.

“Shit, sorry, did I wake you up?” she smiles apologetically down at him.

“It's okay. I slept enough the last couple of days anyway.” Isak yawns, stretching his slightly stiff limbs “You want to go to the park or something? I could use some fresh air.”

“Yeah we can do that, but you have to put on an extra layer, it's cold and windy out there.” Eva says one of her fingers pointing at Isak as she moves to get up from the bed.

“Yes, mom.” Isak exhales loudly and gets up from the bed as well.

.

Isak's wrapped in the commanded extra layer and instead of a snapback there's a beanie covering his head. Eva even wanted him to wear a scarf, but after good five minutes of arguing Eva gave up and Isak walked out the apartment without a scarf wrapped around his neck, he already looks ridiculous enough like this.

They walk along the park, Eva's arm's linked with Isak's, she's talking about stuff that happened at Nissen this week, about the newest rumours and what other exciting stuff Isak has missed.

“Is, can I ask you something? But please promise me that you're not gonna be mad.” Eva suddenly interrupts her jabber, she looks at Isak with her brows knitted.

“Okay.” raises one of his brows and the word sounds more like a question out of Isak's mouth.

“I read something on 'Nissenrumours'.” Eva says cautiously, she studies Isak's face and she hesitates a few seconds before she goes on “Some people seem to think that there's something going on between Jakob and you.”

“What?” Isak huffs out a laugh “That's total bullshit.”

“It's actually the most discussed topic on the site, people are posting every single time they see you together, they analyze every little thing you do, like how you look at him or he looks at you. It's actually pretty creepy, but I wanted you to know.” the smile faded from Eva's face, she seems to be worried about how Isak will take the words she just spoke.

Eva's right it's creepy, but he doesn't want to give too much about this, people always need something to gossip about, Isak's sure that soon they'll talk about someone else, so he tries to play it cool and chuckles lightly “Oh, wow. People really have nothing better to do?”

“I mean you guys spend a lot of time together lately, so it's not surprising that people assume...” Eva says, a mocking tone in her voice.

Isak stops in his tracks, he looks at her with knitted brows and sighs “Jesus, Eva you don't believe this shit, do you? There's nothing going on, we're just studying Biology and do our assignments when we're seen together. And I'm with Even, I mean we're kind of, sort of something.” Isak stammers.

“Chill, Is, I don't believe a single shit that's on this site.” Eva chuckles and squeezes Isak's arm "And if you would bang Jakob I would totally be the first to know, though."

"I don't think so, I already told you I don't kiss and tell. I'm a gentleman." Isak grins at her and Eva chuckles lightly beside him.

.

“Just so that you know, I'm not gonna leave your bed tonight, I'm too tired to go upstairs.” Eva mumbles in one of Isak's pillows.

“Nothing new.” Isak mumbles back, he's about to drift off to sleep as the phone pings on the nightstand beside him. Isak thinks about simply ignoring it, but Eva shoves him lightly and says "Don't you wanna know, who's texting you that late?"

"Not really." Isak groans "But I know you won't shut up about it, so I literally have to check it now." he grabs the phone from the nightstand.

____________________________

**Jakob 23:28**

Hei, Is. Party tomorrow at my place 7pm, would like to see you there ;)

____________________________

Isak frowns at his phone and Eva beside him huffs out an amused chuckle “What's that for a face? Did your phone insult you or something?”

“Huh? No, uhm, I just got a text from Jake, there's a party at his place tomorrow.” Isak stummers and bites down his bottom lip.

“He finally invited you to one of his 'legendary' parties?” Eva says and leans up a bit to grab the phone from Isak's hand.

  
____________________________

**Jakob 23:31**

Is it okay if I bring my friends?

Of course ;) The more the merrier.

Great. See you tomorrow.

:)

____________________________

“What are you doing?” Isak whines and grabs his phone back, he looks at the texts Eva sent to Jakob and he rolls his eyes.

“So we're really going to that party?” Isak raises his brows at her "Giving the people even more to talk about?"

“Fuck yeah, we're going. And fuck those people, they're just jealous asshole with boring lives.” Eva winks a wide smile on her lips “I'm gonna text the girls and you text the boys. We'll rock Jakob's fucking house.”

“Party animal Eva has spoken.” Isak lightly chuckles and he does as Eva said, he texts the boys.

____________________________

**Did someone say beer? 23:39**

Hei, boys. Tomorrow party at Jake's.

 **Magnus:** For real???  


**Jonas:**

 

 

 

 

 

  
**Mahdi:**  


WTF, Mags??  
The girls are coming too.  
We'll meet at 5 in the park, tho.

 **Magnus:** I could fucking kiss you right now, dude

 **Jonas:** Issy, I think it's your turn to bring beer

 **Mahdi:** Chill, Mags. Not even Is wants to kiss you

I checked us the party, so t's not my turn to bring beer

 **Mahdi:** He's right, Jonas, it's your turn.

 **Magnus:**  


**Jonas:** Fucking hell, okay.

See you tomorrow guys  


**Magnus:** You're the best, Issyyyy ♥♥♥♥

____________________________

.

____________________________

**Even 16:38**

You're really going?

Yes I am. Mags and the others are already so excited.

They can go without you, tho.  
Don't you think you should rest a little more?  
You had fever two days ago

Stop being ridiculous. I'm perfectly fine, Ev

I'm just worried

No need to ;)

I just don't trust Jakob

Do I smell a little jealousy?

I'm not jealous

Okay...  
Oh I gotta go.  
Eva's already here.

Have fun, tho ♥

You too ♥

____________________________

“You’re my hero, Is.” Mags smiles brightly at him and pulls him a tight hug, Isak huffs out a laugh and Magnus squeezes him even harder “This is so fucking awesome.”

“Calm down, Mags, it's just a party.” Isak frees himself from the hug and pats the other boy on the back, his excitement is kind of adorable, though.

Isak greets the rest of his friends and Vilde’s the first one to ask “Where’s Even?”

“He’s at some party with his friends from Uni.” Isak answers, Vilde pouts a little and sighs “But we haven’t seen him in like weeks.”

“I know, I know, he told me to say sorry, he’ll join next time.” Isak says, the smile comes back to Vilde’s face, she leans a little closer and continues “By the way, I told the girls and Magnus.”

“You did? That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, I was a bit nervous, but the girls took it so well and Mags, well, you know him.” Vilde looks at the girls and Magnus, smiling at every single one before she turns her head back to Isak.

“So is Mia joining us tonight?” Isak’s curious, he wants to meet the girl, who stole Vilde’s heart.

“If we’re lucky, yes.” Vilde nods, an even wider smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Can’t wait to meet her.” Isak nudges Vilde’s shoulder with his, causing the girl to giggle lightly.

.

They make their way to the party, Magnus is so thrilled that he infects everyone with his excitement, the group’s in a good mood as they arrive at Jakob’s house. But it doesn’t take long and the group splits up. The girls find a free space in the corner of the living room that has enough space for them to dance, Jonas and Mahdi leave to search for the bathroom to hit a joint or two.

Isak and Magnus are on their way to the kitchen to grab a beer as David cheerfully greets him “Hey man, Jake’s already looking for you.”

“Oh, he’s looking for me?” Isak asks, raising his brows, he didn't expect Jakob to be that eager to see him here.

“Yeah.” David nods and smiles brightly, well okay this makes Isak curious now.

He makes his way to the kitchen, Magnus is already waiting for him in there, his friend looks questioningly at him “Do you think that Jakob wants something from you? Like getting in your pants?”

“Mags.” Isak lightly shoves the other boy’s shoulder “He doesn’t want to get in my pants. We’re just buds, okay? Maybe he just wants to ask me about our Biology assignment or something.”

“I bet Biology's his favorite subject, though.” Magnus barks out a laugh, making everyone in the kitchen look at them.

“Sometimes you’re a real pain in the ass.” Isak rolls his eyes, grabs a beer from the fridge and makes his way back to the living room. He wants to get away from the bunch of too curious people in the kitchen, before they get even more ideas what they could post on that stupid tumblr site.

“I know something else that would cause you pain in the ass.” Magnus laughs, pats Isak’s shoulder and follows him outside.

“Please, shut the fuck up, Mags.” Isak turns around and shoots a played annoyed look at Magnus, he actually needs to hold back his laughter, though. It was funny, yeah, but Magnus doesn’t need to know that, okay.

“That’s not quite a nice way to talk to your friends.” a voice chuckles in front of him and Isak turns back around, his eyes meet Jakob’s.

“Hei, Jakob, thanks for inviting us.” Magnus chirps behind him and Isak needs to hold back an eye roll, this boy is just too needy at times, Magnus leans forward and whispers in Isak’s ear “Have fun, Is.”

“Bye, Mags.” Isak rolls his eyes and he turns back to Jakob “Sorry, he’s just, Mags, you know.”

“Seems like a cool guy.” Jakob smiles and it actually looks genuine, he's not mocking, he really means what he said.

“He is, but sometimes he can be annoying as hell.” Isak sighs and takes a sip from his beer.

“Sounds a lot like David.” Jakob laughs and Isak joins, Jakob studies Isak’s face for a second and then he asks “Are you up for a smoke?”

“Sure.” Isak shrugs, yes he knows he swore he would never smoke with Jakob ever again, but this is a party and Isak doesn’t want to look like a loser, and he’ll only take one or two drags, so this can’t be too bad.

As they walk out the living room, Isak catches Eva's eye, she looks at him with an amused half grin on her lips, Isak makes a face at her before he follows Jakob upstairs.

.

“I missed you this week in Biology.” Jakob says as he reaches the joint to Isak.

“Bullshit.” Isak huffs out a laugh and takes the joint from the other boy “You just missed me because you had to do all the shit on your own without my help.”

Jakob huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes at Isak “You're not taking any shit, huh?”

“Nei.” Isak lightly shakes his head and reaches the joint back “I'm a smart boy, you know.”

“Already figured that out.” a half grin draws on the boy's lip before he takes a deep puff, he keeps the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds before he breaths it out and with it “Speaking of smart, you can have my notes from this week, so you'll stay smart.”

“Thanks so much, what would I do without you, though.” Isak teases and Jakob rolls his eyes at him "Shut up, Valtersen."

.

Isak took more than just one or two drags, he knows it's not a good idea, but well here he is, sitting at the little balcony in front of Jakob's room, laughing at the other boy's dumb and to be honest pretty lame jokes.

“Oh shit, I totally forgot to tell you.” Jakob starts to laugh again, he tries to continue his sentence but he can't, he's laughing too much.

At some point Isak joins because he can not not laugh, Jakob's cackling doesn't make it possible to stay serious, not even for a second.

“Ms. Titts swore off her bras again.” Jakob presses out between his laughter.

“Eww.” Isak scrunches his nose up, and they laugh even harder, they laugh to the point where they actually have to hold their stomachs.

.

Isak has no clue for how long they've already been out here, it could be minutes but it also could be hours, he kind of lost track of time.

Jakob lays his hand on Isak's arm and lightly squeezing it to get his attention “You wanna go back in there and grab a beer?”

“I think I might better get some water.” Isak answers, his head feels like wrapped in cotton, and he knows if he would add alcohol to this feeling, he'll surely throw up.

“You're such a light weight, Valtersen.” Jakob scoffs and gets up on his feet. The boy reaches his hand out, Isak grabs it and with a pull Isak stands on his feet as well “Let's get you some water, though.”

.

As they walk down the stairs and get back into the crowded living room, Isak feels like people are staring at him.

Do they think that they have done something? Does it look like they have? Ugh, who gives a fuck.

Isak shrugs the feeling off and follows Jakob in the kitchen, as he steps in there, the boy already reaches him a bottle of water “Here, light weight.”

“Shut up. I was sick the past week, so stop making fun of me.” Isak rolls his eyes and gladly takes the water bottle, he cracks it open and takes a few gulps.

Jakob cracks open a beer and takes a sip, he licks his lips and smiles at Isak “You sure you want to stick to your water?”

“Yeah, totally or else I will end up puking in some bushes on the way home again.” Isak answers dryly.

“Jesus, from now on you'll be Isak 'light weight' Valtersen.” Jakob nudges his shoulder with Isak's.

“You're a pain in the ass, like Mags.” Isak groans dramatically, making the other boy bark out a hearty laugh.

And there's this feeling again, but it's more intense this time, this time he can actually feel a pair of eyes on him. Isak keeps his eyes on Jakob, not giving in the intention to let his gaze wander to find the one that is starring at them. It's probably just Eva or someone else from his friends or some stranger, trying to figure out what's going on between Isak and Jakob, the great fuckboy of Nissen.

Fingers brush along the small of his back, snapping Isak out of his thoughts and first Isak thinks it’s Jakob, he’s about to take a step back as he realizes that Even’s standing beside him.

Isak looks at him, dumbly, he blinks a few times, trying to make sure if he’s really there or if he’s imagining it.

“Halla, I'm Even.” Even smiles at Jakob, and Isak can tell that his best friend's smile is more than fake, Isak needs to hold back a scoff.

“Hei, Even. Jake.” Jakob says, also his smile looks fake as fuck and Isak wishes he could disappear, the tension's so awkward in here, it's barely bearable.

“The new Biology bud, right?” Even says with played surprise and this time Isak really rolls his eyes, Even knows exactly who Jakob is, why the hell is he acting like this?

“Mmh, the Biology bud.” Jakob hums, there’s a half grin on his lips as he looks back at Isak.

Isak blushes under the intense stare of the other boy and he feels Even uncomfortably shifting beside him. The tension is more than tactile and Isak feels the need to say something, but he just doesn’t know what. Thankfully Julian shows up and grabs Jakob by the arm and whispers something in his ear.

“I gotta take care of something. See you around, guys.” Jakob says and as he leaves, his fingers slightly brush against Isak’s.

Isak’s eyes follow the other boy as he disappears in the crowd, a light frown on his forehead. What the fuck was that?

“Hei, baby.” Even whispers in his ear and places a quick peck on his cheek, making Isak immediately forget about the other boy.

“Hei.” Isak smiles and he turns to fully face Even “What are you doing here?”

“Sara brought us here, I had no idea it was Jakob’s party.” Even shrugs and smiles at him “What a coincidence, huh?”

“Yeah, what a coincidence." Isak rolls his eyes, but he smiles at the other boy and then he wraps him in a hug “I missed you.”

“Didn’t look like it a few seconds ago, Is.” Even chuckles lightly in his arms “There was some heavy flirting going on here.”

“Shut up, there was no flirting, we were just talking about nerdy stuff.” Isak wraps his arms even tighter around the other boy and presses their bodies close together. He closes his eyes, taking in the warmth of Even’s body and his scent, his sweet. sweet scent. Oh, how much he missed this boy.

“I missed you too, Is.” Even breaths beside his ear “Really fucking much.” Before Even let’s go he places another kiss on Isak’s cheek.

.

They’re lying on their backs in the back yard near the swimming bond, frogs are quaking and crickets are chirping. Even's smoking a joint, he reaches it to Isak, but Isak lightly shakes his, he's had enough jay for today.

“I don’t like the way he looks at you, Is.” Even’s words cut the silence between them.

Isak leans up on his hand, he looks down into Even’s blue eyes and sighs “I don’t give a fuck about the way he looks at me.”

A smile tugs at the corners of Even’s lips, his eyes studying Isak’s face for a second before one of his hands comes up and brushes through his curls “Not a single one?”

Isak leans down, gently brushes their noses together and whispers “Not a single one.”

He closes the small distance between their lips, bringing them together for a sweet, sweet kiss. Actually it’s more smiling than actually kissing, but smiley kisses are the best kisses, aren't they?

.

“Is?” the voice of a girl shouts somewhere in the yard “Isak?” the voice shouts again.

Even’s fingers stop brushing through his hair and Isak leans up, Even does too and he asks with one of his brows raised “Is that Vilde?”

“Sounds like it.” Isak nods and gets up, he puts the snapback back on his curls and brushes the grass from his clothes as he asks loudly “Vilde?”

“Isak? Where are you?” the girl shouts back and her voice trembles, it almost sounds like she’s crying or is really close to it.

Isak doesn’t hesitate and starts his way toward the girl, he doesn’t even wait for Even to get up. He jogs along the yard and finds a lost looking Vilde standing near the terrace, her shoulder’s hanging low and as he comes closer he sees the blurred mascara on the girls face.

“Vil, what’s wrong?” Isak asks as he’s close enough, bringing his hand up to gently squeeze her shoulder.

“I lost the girls, I think they already headed home. Magnus is somewhere in the house I can't find him and I…I...” Vilde sniffles and she speaks her words so quickly that Isak only understands half of them. He wraps her in a hug, brushing his hand over the girls blond hair, trying to calm her down, so he can find out why she’s crying.

Isak hears Even slowly walking up to them and the other boy looks at him, a questioningly expression on his face, Isak lightly shrugs and mouths “I don’t know.”

He let’s go of Vilde and looks in her teary eyes, he cups her face with his hands and wipes away her tears with his thumbs, asking quietly “What happened, Vilde?”

“Mia, she’s…” Vilde snivels, tears rolling down her cheeks again, the girl lets her head sink, sad and defeated, not able to speak another word. This sight tears at Isak's heart, Vilde was so happy today, she finally was brave enough to tell the girls about her sexuality and they were supposed to meet the girl of her heart today. What the fuck happened?

“Let’s get her out of here, Is.” Even says calmly and lays his hand on Isak’s back, pulling him out of his own thoughts.

“Uhm, yeah.” Isak stammers, taking his eyes of the girl for a second to look at his best friends.

“We’re getting you out of here, okay?” Isak says, gently lifting Vilde's chin up to look in her eyes. Vilde's eyes flicker between Isak's, she licks her lips and nods.

He wraps his arm around her shoulder and leads her through the living room, Vilde stops her steps and stares at Jakob and a girl, the boy leans in pretty close and it looks like they’re about to kiss.

Oh fucking hell. This girl must be Mia. Isak's eyes wander to Even, the other boy has one of his brows raised, and the look on his face, Isak knows it all too well – _See, I told you he's a asshole-y fuckboy_.

Isak rolls his eyes at Even, he wraps his arm around her waist, gently pushing her away from there and leads her outside the house.

.

“Here.” Isak gives Even his phone “Try to get a hold of Chris or Mags.”

“Yeah.” Even nods and only a second later the phone's already pressed against his ear, Isak sits down at the small patch of grass with Vilde, the girl has her head leaned against his shoulder and Isak's absentmindedly brushing his fingers through her hair.

It takes good ten minutes until Magnus finally picks up his phone “Magnus? Can you hear me? No, here’s Even.” Even speaks his words slow and loud “Can you come outside? Vilde needs you, though.”

Even hangs up and reaches the phone back to Isak “He’s on his way.”

“Okay.” Isak nods, he gently squeezes Vilde’s shoulder and whispers “Mags is on his way, he’ll get you home, okay?”

“Thank you, guys.” Vilde leans a little back to look in Isak's face, she manages a tiny smile, but it disappears as quickly as it came.

Isak wraps her in another hug, gently stroking the girl’s back, a quiet sob escapes Vilde’s throat and Isak wishes he could do more for her.

“Why is she doing this?” Vilde quietly mumbles beside his ear and it’s heartbreaking, really fucking heartbreaking “I thought she liked me. And I wanted you guys to meet her tonight. I’m so stupid.”

Isak let’s go off her to look in her eyes, he cups Vilde’s face with his hands and says “You’re not stupid, Vilde. If she’s dropping you for a guy like Jake, she’s the one who’s stupid here.”

“Isak’s right, Vil.” Even squads down in front of them and places his hand on Vilde’s shoulder, giving her an encouraging smile.

“Even? Vilde?” Magnus’ voice shouts.

Even gets back up and shouts back “Out here.”

As soon as Magnus is there he knees down and pulls his friend in a warm hug, he smiles at the boys and says “I got this.”

“You sure?” Isak and Even ask in unison, and Magnus thankfully nods “Yeah, thank you, though.”

.

Isak and Even are sitting at the back of the tram, making their way home, Isak looks out the window, watching the houses of the city passing by, nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

“Do you still think Jakob's a nice guy?” Even asks, light disgust swaying in his voice.

Isak takes a deep breath, he doesn't know what to think, Jakob seemed like a nice guy, though, but well this whole Mia thing tonight was so fucked up, so he has literally no idea what to think about that.

“I don't know, Ev." Isak sighs, Even beside him lets out a huff and shakes his head in disbelief "Fucking hell, Is, are you serious right now?"

Isak's head snaps to his side, he shoots an annoyed glare at his friend and snaps "Can we fucking not talk about Jakob, I've had enough for tonight.”

He knows that Even can't believe that he still thinks that Jakob might be a good guy after all. Maybe the boy didn't know that the girl had a girlfriend, maybe they were just talking and it just looked like they were about to kiss. Maybe this all is just a big misunderstanding. Isak has no idea what to think about this whole thing and honestly he's too tired to do so at the moment.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to snap at you. It's just.. I don't know, I'm still kind of too high to wrap my head around this mess." Isak apologizes, and it's just a little lie, he's not high anymore, he just doesn't want to argue anymore.

“It's okay.” Isak can see Even's reflection smiling at him, the other boy takes Isak's hand in his and intertwines their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of Isak's hand.

.

____________________________

**Vilde 10:05**

Thank you for last night, Is :)

Any time, girl  
Tell me whenever you need anything  
A talk, ice cream or whatever

Will do. You're the sweetest ♥

♥

____________________________

.

Isak's bend over one of his school books, he tries to concentrate, but he's reading the current page for already half an hour now and he still has no idea what it is about.

He leans his head on his hand and stares out his window, it's a gray day and it look likes it's about to start raining at any minute. The ping of his phone startles him a bit, he grabs it from beside his book and he smiles as he sees Even's name on the screen.

____________________________

**Even 15:29**

You up for a hangout at our spot?

Isn't it a bit too cold to go there?

Just put on an extra layer ;)  
I feel like going there  
It already has been a while

Okay, okay  
I'll be there in about 30

Perfect ♥

____________________________

.

“Halla, baby.” Even greets Isak excitedly and wraps him in a tight hug, that presses the air out of Isak's lungs.

“Hei, Ev.” Isak chuckles and quickly adds “Ev, you're crushing me.”

“Oh sorry.” Even chuckles and frees Isak from his tight embrace “I'm just happy to see you, though.”

There's a light frown drawing on Isak's forehead, he studies Even's face for a few seconds, the other boy's beaming, he beams like the sun, but still something feels off about this smile, Isak takes a breath and asks cautiously “Is everything okay, Even?”

“Yeah." Even answers, leaning his head a little aside and giving Isak another blending smile “Everything's fine.” Something about the way he says these words, makes Isak believe that he's lying, he scans his best friend's face for another few seconds before he breaths “Okay.”

.

“My dad called two days ago, asking when I'll come over again.” Even takes a drag from the joint in his fingers, his eyes staring at the other side of the river.

Isak turns his head to look at Even's profile, he licks his lips and asks “Even, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Is.” the boy turns his head, a small but genuine smile on his lips.

“What's the thing with your dad? I mean...” Isak doesn't know how to actually say this, he doesn't want to come off rude and he doesn't want Even to get mad at him, because he knows how much the boy loves his dad, despite all the things going on between them.

“When I was little my dad was my hero, I always wanted to be like him.” Even bites down his bottom lip, he looks back at the other side of the river and takes a deep breath before he goes on “I know it's stupid to give so much about his opinion, but it's hard letting go of the image I had of him, you know. I always looked up to him and it's kind of hard to accept that he's actually not that great of a person.”

Isak nods, he lays his head on the other boys shoulder and wraps an arm around Even's back “Does he know, I mean does he know what's going on between us?”

“No." Even says quietly, his voice sounds ashamed "Sorry for being such a coward." Even breaths and leans his head on Isak's.

“Don't be sorry, Ev. It's okay.” Isak reassures the boy and wraps his arm tighter around Even's back.

“But I think he knows.” Even says “That's why he acted like a douche when we met him in the super market.”

“He really did.” Isak agrees, he still can remember how Even's dad said the words “best friend”.

“I think I might have raved a bit too much about you.” Even huffs out a light chuckle.

“You were raving about me?” Isak leans his head back to look at Even.

“I always am.” Even smiles at him and it's a sweet, fond smile, so so sweet.

“That's so fucking corny, oh my God.” Isak scoffs, rolls his eyes and gently shoves Even's shoulder.

“Just telling the truth.” Even laughs, wraps an arm around Isak and cuddles him close again.

.

“Fucking hell, I will never ever drive my bike in the rain ever again.” Isak whines as he pulls the rain-drenched shirt over his head.

“But it was fun.” Even's still laughing, he did all the way home, all the way through the rain.

“No it wasn't.” Isak rolls his eyes, struggling to get out of his wet jeans.

Fortunately Isak’s parents aren't home, they went on a short trip to Denmark for the weekend. So he has enough time to clean up the mess that their soaking wet clothes leave behind without his mom noticing.

After a minute of struggling Isak manages to get off all the wet clothes and he steps in the shower, he needs to warm his body up, the October rain is just too fucking cold and he doesn't want to get sick again.

The hot water runs down his head, over his face and the rest of his body, slowly bringing the warmth back to his limbs.

Even steps behind him in the shower, Isak wants to say something but his words die in his throat as Even's fingers gently brush down his back and the boy places a soft kiss on his neck. A pleasant shiver runs down Isak’s spine, through his whole body, covering his skin with goose bumps.

Isak turns around and he can't other than smile, he grabs Even's neck with his hand and pulls him close to kiss him. Even wraps one of his arms around Isak’s back, pulling him even closer against his body, the other hand’s resting on Isak’s face, his thumb drawing soft, soft circles on Isak's cheek.

They kiss in the spurt of the hot water, until it gets lukewarm and eventually cold.

.

Isak didn't know that this would happen today when he drove out to the their spot at the river to meet Even. He had no fucking idea, but he's glad because if he would've known he might've been even more nervous than he already is right now. It's new, the feeling, to open his body to another person like this, everything is scaring, but it's exciting at the same time.

The feeling's overwhelming, it almost scratches on the edge of too much, but in an amazing way. Even takes his time, there's no rush, he takes all the time Isak and himself need, because this isn't only new to Isak.

“You're so fucking beautiful, Is.” Even whispers with his deep voice, sending shivers down Isak's spine and causing his cheeks to flush.

Isak buries his hand in the hair at the back of Even's head and pulls him down for a sweet, soft kiss.

“Another one.” Isak breaths against Even's lips, he's a little embarrassed how needy he sounds, but as he sees the arousal in Even's eyes he quickly forgets about it, there's no need to feel embarrassed about any of this.

He closes his eyes and bites down his bottom lip, preparing himself for what's about to come next.

Even places a soft peck on his lips and he smiles “Relax, baby.”

As Isak eventually relaxes, Even does what he asked for, gentle, ever so gentle with him. With every movement of his fingers he slowly but surely drives him to the edge, Isak starts to get impatient, he wants more, he needs it.

He feels Even's intense stare on him, the boy takes in every change of his expression, his gaze is filled with fire and pure lust and this sight makes Isak breath hitch for a second, he never thought that Even would ever look at him like this.

“Did I hurt you, baby?” Even's eyes widen a little, now worry swings within his gaze as well.

“No.” Isak smiles and brushes their noses together.

When it eventually happens, Isak's on the edge of crying, not because he's sad, but because it's so overwhelming to be that close to Even, to be connected with the other boy that way and the light sting will remember him that this actually happened.

Even's careful, his moves are gentle and slow, not too deep, not too fast. Even's soft, delicate moans are filling the silence of Isak's room and it's probably the most beautiful sound Isak has ever heard in here.

They're taking each other to the edge and beyond and when they both find the sweet release, Isak can't stop smiling, he can't remember the last time he felt this kind of pure and simple happiness.

Isak brushes his fingers through Even's hair, the boy's blue eyes are looking down at him. God Even looks so fucking beautiful, he looks barely human in this right moment and Isak's heart is filled with so much love for this boy, it's almost ridiculous.

“God, I love you so fucking much, Even.” Isak whispers, his thumb trailing along Even's bottom lip.

.

Isak wakes up alone in his bed, he reaches his hand out to look for the other boy, but he isn’t there. He exhales loudly and leans up, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness in his room. He grabs his phone and squints his eyes, the light of the screen too bright for his tired eyes.

There’s no message from Even, he puts the phone back, stands up from the bed and pulls a shirt over his head.

He walks toward the living room and it’s freezing in there, he knits his brows as he sees that the French window to the balcony is ajar and cold night air is streaming in.

Isak grabs one of his mom’s blankets from the couch and wraps it around his body so he won't freeze any more. He walks toward the French window of the balcony and sighs as he finds Even leaned against the handrail out there. A joint sticks between his fingers, Isak has no idea how many Even has already smoked today.

“Aren’t you freezing?” Isak whispers, gently brushing his fingers through the other boy’s hair, his voice sounding more worried as he wants it to.

“Not really.” Even says and takes another drag.

Isak still decides to wrap the blanket around him, he has no idea for how long Even has already been out here. He brings his arms around the other boy and hugs him from behind, the blanket wrapping them in some sort of warm cocoon.

“Couldn’t you sleep?” Isak asks quietly against Even’s neck.

“Yeah, too much going on in my head.” Isak can hear Even’s attempt of a weak smile, he wraps his arms tighter around the other boy “Come back to bed, Ev.” Isak places tiny feather light pecks on the other boy’s neck.

Even’s eyes flutter shut, he leans in Isak’s hug and tilts his head aside to give Isak more skin to place kisses on, Isak smiles and gently bites down on Even’s skin, making Even hum a quiet “Okay.”

.

Even’s body's is as cold as an icicle, but he isn’t shivering or anything, he doesn’t seem to feel the cold. Isak wraps the duvet around their bodies and entangles his body with Even's, trying to get his body warm again.

After a while Even turns to look at Isak, or at least that's what Isak thinks, it's too dark in here to tell if the other boy's actually looking at him.

"Is everything okay?" Isak asks, brushing his thumb over Even's cheek. It's really hard for Isak to not be worried right now, Even's behavior is a bit off today, he already noticed it back at their spot.

"Yeah, Is." Even breaths, he leans forward and places a kiss on Isak's lips.

Isak's eyes can make out the outlines of Even's face and he can tell that Even's brows are knitted "You know, the only way to have something for eternity is by losing it."

It's silent in the room, Isak swallows, he has no idea what Even's talking about, he searches his brain if he can remember that quote from a movie, but he doesn't recognize it, and that makes him even more anxious.

"Don't say stuff like this." Isak whispers, he can't say the words louder or else his voice would tremble and give away how much this words actually scare him.

"I was just joking." Even whispers back and kisses Isak another time.

They kiss until Even eventually falls asleep and Isak asks himself if maybe they shouldn’t have slept with each other tonight. Maybe it added more stress to Even’s inner turmoil and stress isn’t the very best thing for Even. Isak makes a note to himself that he needs to give Hedda or Mathis a call tomorrow, to tell them about his bad feeling.

.

Isak shifts in his bed, he doesn't need to open his eyes to know that Even's not here, he can feel the missing warmth of the other boy's body. He leans up in his bed and runs his fingers over his eyes, trying to brush the sleep out of them.

He gets up from the bed and slips in some sweatpants and grabs a new shirt from his dresser and puts it on.

He walks out his room, the apartment's silent, it's a little odd because usually at this time his dad's already up to make breakfast. Isak can't remember the last time he had the apartment all to himself.

He walks to the living room peeking his head in, no Even, he wanders further to the kitchen, still no Even, the other boy's gone.

Isak walks back to his room, worry blooming in the bottom of his stomach. When did Even leave? Why didn't he wake him up to say goodbye?

He grabs his phone and unlocks the screen, it's only 8:00, Isak doesn't hesitate and calls Even's number, but the other boy doesn't pick up. He scrolls through the names in his contacts and his finger stops at Mathis. Isak's thumb is hovering over the boy's name for a whole minute before he eventually hits the call button.

"Isak?" Mathis' voice sounds tired and a little rough.

"Sorry for waking you up, Mats." Isak apologizes and he starts to doubt that this was a good idea.

"Is something wrong?" Mathis asks, ignoring Isak's apology.

"Uhm Even acted a little off yesterday and now I can't reach him. He just left without saying anything." Isak brushes his fingers through his hair “Maybe it's nothing, maybe I'm just too worried.” He almost stumbles over his own words.

"What do you mean with he acted off?" Mathis asks, his words still calm and it does a good job to calm down Isak's inner storm a little as well.

"He went out at the balcony in the midst of the night with just his boxers, he didn't seem to feel the cold. And he said some weird stuff." Isak explains with quick words.

“Jeez." Mathis breaths, Isak can hear him swallowing hard at the other end of the line "Probably it's nothing okay? Probably he just went home and fell asleep.” Mathis says, but the tone of his words give him away, he's fucking worried too “I'm gonna drive to mom's and look if he's there and in the meantime you keep trying to call him, okay?”

“Okay.” Isak says, nausea bubbling in his stomach, he needs to sit down at one of the kitchen chairs, he swallows hard before he asks “Do you think he's having an episode?”

“Maybe. I don't know.” Mathis answers, Isak closes his eyes, trying to hold the tears back from rolling down his cheeks

“Fuck.” Isak breathes out shakily.

“We got this, Isak. You hear me?” Mathis speaks again "Just keep trying to call him."

“Yeah.” Isak presses out before he hangs up, he stares at his phone in his trembling hands for a whole minute or two.

He races back to his room, puts on another few layers of clothes and makes his way out the apartment, maybe Even's around here. Maybe he's just sleeping at home, like Mathis said, maybe Isak's just overreacting.

Isak walks along the streets at his neighborhood, his phone pressed against his ear, calling the other boy over and over again.

But he can't find him and Even doesn't pick up his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I finally managed to update this story :) Big fat sorry for the long-ass wait :((  
> As always I hope you liked the new chapter, although it took me forever to upload it ♥  
> Thanks so much for leaving comments and kudos .. every single one means a lot ♥


	12. He can get kind of delusional and his brain tends to make things up

* * *

Isak's been looking for Even the whole morning, he's been walking, jogging, running until his feet no longer managed to carry his body through the streets. It feels like he has searched every corner of the city with his phone pressed against his ear, dialing Even's number over and over again until the other boy's phone died or got turned off.

Isak gets back to his apartment with a sore body and a sore heart, he shrugs of his jacket and toes off his shoes. He's standing in the hall, staring blankly at the door, he doesn't know why he's staring at it, maybe he hopes that the door swings open any minute and Even walks in with a smile spread across his face and wrapping him in a warm embrace.

This imagination fills Isak's eyes with hot tears, tears he's been holding back the whole morning, they silently run down his cheeks and leave wet marks behind. After a few minutes he gives up his stupid hope and his eyes leave the door, he takes a deep breath and wipes his tears away. He walks in the kitchen, grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water from the tub. Isak downs it with a few gulps, his throat still feels dry and sore from constantly shouting Even's name.

He drags his feet to his room, his body hurting just like his heart, it's been hours without a sign of life from Even. Isak lets himself fall face forward on his bed, he lays there for a few minutes, face burried in his pillow, the pillow Even has slept or at least laid on the last night. He inhales Even's scent and as tears start to fill his eyes again, he leans up and grabs the charger from his nightstand to plug in his phone.

The phone's resting beside his pillow, he gave up the staring contest with its screen, instead his green eyes are pinned at the ceiling now. The uncertainty is tearing him apart, it's eating on him and with every passing minute the dizziness in his head and the nausea in his stomach are getting stronger. Isak presses his eyes shut for a few seconds, they're dry and they burn from all the staring. His eyes are tired, so fucking tired like the rest of his body. Somehow Isak wishes sleep would wash over him so the time would go by faster and he wouldn't have to deal with all the feelings running through his exhausted body.

Isak startles heavy as the phone beside his head goes off. He grabs it with shaky fingers and he feels more than relieved to see Even's name on the screen, he swipes to take the call, he's probably never taken a call that quick before.

"Ev? Are you okay? Faen, I probably called you like a thousand times." Isak breaths in his phone, tears of relief streaming down his face, but his relief gets shattered when the voice of a man answers instead of Even's.

"Halla Isak, this is Kristian, Even's dad." the man says and Isak stomach sinks to the ground. When Even's dad has Even's phone that can only mean that something bad happened, something really bad or else Hedda or Mathis would've called.

"Hei." Isak manages to press out, his voice embarrassingly shaky "Is he fine? Did something happen?"

"Nothing bad happened, Isak." as soon as the words are out of the man's mouth Isak feels himself a little relax, but just a little, it's still weird that Even's dad has his friend's phone "Listen Isak, my son's not feeling that well."

"He's having an episode, doesn't he?" Isak asks, ignoring the man's probable intent to end the call after this one sentence.

"You know about that?" Kristian asks, genuine surprise in his voice.

"Yes, I know about Even's bipolar." Isak answers, his words spoken maybe a bit too harsh.

"Oh, that's.. well.. uhm.. I didn't know he told you." Even's dad stumbles over his words and Isak doesn't know what to think of that, he didn't thought he would baffle the man like this with his words.  
  
"Of course he told me, he's my best friend." Isak says, he can't hold back and emphasizes the last two words, his voice sounding maybe a bit too bitter for his own taste.

A frown's forming on Isak's forehead as he hears the man taking a deep breath at the other end of the line "Then you'll probably know that he can get kind of delusional and his brain tends to make things up." Isak swallows hard, does the man try to say what Isak thinks he's trying to say?

"What? What do you mean?" Isak asks, he's pretty aware of how irritated he sounds.

"You know what I mean." Kristian says, his voice sounding crucially satisfied, Isak can only imagine that little smug smile on the man's lips.

"I.. I.. uhm.." Isak stutters, he takes a breath before he presses out "Can I.. can I speak with him?"

"Even's sleeping, Isak..." by the way Even's dad is saying his name Isak knows that there's no chance that he will let him speak with his best friend. The line's filled with a heavy silence and Isak doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to say, hopelessness washing over his body, the man's words really hit a spot.

"Okay." is all that comes out of Isak's mouth after seemingly endless seconds and Even's dad eventually ends the call with "Bye, Isak." He doesn't even wait for him to say goodbye as well, so when Isak finally manages to say "Bye." the man has already long hung up.  
.

Half an hour passes with Isak sitting there and blankly staring at the screen of his phone. He only snaps out of his trance-like stupor as the phone in his hand starts vibrating again, Isak's hoping that this time it's actually Even at the other side of the line, but once more he gets disappointed because it's only Even's brother.

"Halla, Mats." Isak breaths quietly not finding it in him to sound more cheerful.

"Is, we found him, he's at Kristian's. He's okay." Mathis sounds breathless, but happy, happy that they found his brother and Isak can share that feeling with him, although he's feeling kind of defeated as well. The words of Even's dad still linger heavy on his heart, making him feel uneasy and something deep inside him asks if maybe the man's right.

"I know, Mats, Even's dad just called me." Isak tries his best to sound happy as fuck, but it doesn't really work, his voice breaks a little at the end and he presses his lips together, trying his best to hold his tears back and hoping Mathis won't notice his weird mood over the phone.

But he seemed to have noticed because the next thing Mathis says is "Is everything okay?" his words are softer now, he sounds genuinely worried about him.

"Yeah." Isak says and he forces a smile on his lips although he knows that Mathis can't even see it "I'm happy that he's okay, though."

Mathis takes a deep breath at the other side of the line "I have no idea what Kristian said, but don't take it by heart, Is. He knows shit." Mathis speaks these words with so much compassion that Isak can't help but believe him - at least for now. Mathis is right, Even's dad knows nothing about him and what's going on between Even and him.

"I know, I think I'm just tired and well you know..." Isak sighs and runs his fingers through his curls.

"Okay. Listen, Is, I'm gonna go to Kristian's now and get Even home, it'll probably take a few days until he gets adjusted to his new meds and … uhm … until he's able to see anyone." Mathis exhales loudly and Isak can hear him swallow "But I'll promise to update you daily on how he's doing, okay?"

"Twice a day." Isak objects and he smiles, it's small but it's genuine this time.

"Yes, sir." Mathis huffs out a quiet chuckle "I gotta go now, Is. Updates will follow, I promise."

"Alright. Thanks, Mats." Isak nods and they end the call. After talking to Mathis his heart fills a little lighter, knowing that Even's safe and about to go home, but Kristian's words are still nagging at the back of his mind.

.

An episode of Gossip Girl is playing on Isak's laptop, his eyes are looking at the screen but he has no idea what's going on there. He can't focus on anything lately, his body is only able to manage to shut down for two or three hours of sleep at night and that's not enough, not even close. He's exhausted, both physically and mentally and people already start to notice his lack of sleep.

Isak's a wandering mess since a few days, to be exact since six days. It's been six days since he talked to Even, since he saw him, since they slept together, since the other boy walked out his apartment without jeans and a jacket. Six days since Even's dad told him that maybe everything Even did was because he had an episode.

He can feel Eva's eyes lingering on him, he's tired of the worried looks, he really has enough of them, but Isak gets that she's worried, just like his parents are, but he hates the stolen worried glances anyway. Eva takes a breath and Isak knows that she's going to say something, either she's asking if he's okay or if he heard anything new from Even – always the same questions and Isak's tired of them, so fucking tired. He knows it's not her fault, it isn't anyone's fault, it's just how it is, but it's tearing at him nevertheless.

His phone pings and he knows it's one of Mathis' daily updates on Even's well being, it's been almost the same messages since six days. Even's still sleeping most of the time and he doesn't feel like seeing anyone, not even Isak. He fumbles the phone out of the pocket of his jeans and checks the message, although he already kind of knows what's written in it.

  
____________________________

**Mathis 17:39**

Hei, Is. Ev's still sleeping most of the time and he still doesn't want to see anyone.  
Sorry :((  
At least he ate some soup today.  
I wish I could text you something else.

It's okay Mats, thanks, tho

____________________________

Isak sighs and puts the phone away, Eva shuffles closer behind him and gently squeezes his shoulder as she asks “Nothing new?”

“No, he still doesn't want to see me.” Isak puts away his phone and looks at his best friend, tears stinging in his eyes. He really thought that Even would want to see him after a few days, but apparently his depression's that bad that he can't. Or maybe there's another reason Even doesn't want to see him.

_...he can get kind of delusional and his brain tends to make things up..._

Eva wraps her arm around him and cuddles closer, she lays her head on his shoulder and gently squeezes her body against his, her hand's stroking calmingly up and down Isak's arm. She's whispering nice and comforting words, but Isak can't really hear them, the words of Even's dad too dominant in his head, but Eva's embrace is comforting, it helps to keep him grounded, it helps him to actually feel a tiny bit of warmth in his body.

.

Isak's in school, he's sitting in the library working on some of his homework. He's a little behind because he can't really concentrate on school stuff. He ignores the ping of his phone and keeps his eyes glued to the blank piece of paper in front of him. He has to write an essay for his Norwegian class, but he has literally no idea where to begin. He closes his eyes and leans his head back in his neck, exhaling loudly.

"Seems to be an exhausting essay." a voice chuckles behind him and Isak's eyes fly open.

"Hei, Jake." Isak manages a smile, it's a small one and it quickly fades from his lips again.

“Is that your new hiding spot?” Jakob flops down in the chair in front of Isak.

“Sort of.” Isak sighs and runs a hand through his curls, he knows they look like a mess lately, but he can't be bothered with his looks, he has other shit to worry about.

“What's wrong, Is? Trouble in paradise?” Jakob raises one of his brows, an amused smile on his face.

Isak rolls his eyes and thinks about standing up and leaving, but he stays, he looks in Jakob's eyes and says “Actually it's none of your business.” it comes out meaner than he intended it to be, but he can't really control his mood lately, thanks to his lack of sleep. He doesn't feel like talking to Jakob, he's only spoken the bare minimum with the other boy since that incident with Mia at his party.

“No need to be salty, sweety.” Jakob huffs out another chuckle and Isak knits his eyebrows, he's not in the mood for the other boy's games now, he has no fucking nerve for Jakob's flirting or whatever this is.

“I'm not your sweetie.” Isak scoffs and shrugs his hands in front of his chest.

“Jeez, I see you're in a mood today.” Jakob brings his hands up in defeat and gives Isak a smile.

Isak only rolls his eyes and exhales loudly, he gets up from his chair and says “Look, Jake, I'm not in the mood for your games today, okay?”

“Games?” Jakob raises from his seat as well, grabs Isak's pencil case and reaches it to him.

“Don't play dumb, you know what I mean.” Isak takes it and stuffs it in his bag as well.

“If someone's playing games than it's you, Valtersen. Your constant hot and cold kind of thing is getting on my nerves. Not even your ass is worth that much effort.” Isak mouths falls open a little, surprised by Jakob's sudden outburst. What the actual fuck?

“Excuse you?” Isak huffs “I'm sorry you put so much effort in getting in my pants, but I guess it won't take long to find someone else, it didn't take you long at your party, though.” Isak knows the words came out different than he wanted them to, he didn't want to sound jealous or something, because he doesn't give a shit about who Jakob fucks or whatever.

“I had no idea that she was Vilde's girl.” Jakob says, knitting his brows and Isak can tell that he's lying, he didn't care if Mia was someone's girl or not, he just thought about himself and his dick.

“You gave a shit about it, like always. You saw that Vilde looked at you two, you saw her upset face and her tears and you leaned in to kiss Mia anyway.” Isak looks disgusted in the other boy's face as he says these words “No need to lie, you're just a fuckboy after all and you guys are all the same.”

“Fuck you, Isak.” Jakob spits angrily, his hands clenched to fists beside his body.

“No thanks.” Isak says, lightly shaking his head. Isak knows that this whole thing here got lightly – okay kind of totally – out of hand. Maybe he could've told Jakob in a different way what he thinks about the shit he pulled at his party with Mia, but he's kind of glad that it happened this way. Even was right all along, Jakob's just an asshole and he actually never wanted to be Isak's friend, he just wanted to fuck him.

Jakob narrows his eyes, but he doesn't say anything, he just turns and leaves the library with quick, angry steps. As he reaches the door he almost bumps into Vilde, but the girl can avoid the collision by taking a quick step aside.

Vilde has a confused look on her face as she approaches Isak, when she's near enough she whispers “Wow, Jakob seemed pretty pissed, though.”

“Seems like he got out the wrong side of the bed today.” Isak shrugs it off, he doesn't want to tell Vilde that he actually gave him a bit of his mind a few seconds ago. He manages a small smile and says with a little more enthusiastic voice “Anyway. Hei.”

“Hei.” Vilde sits down in front of him, she tilts her head a little aside and studies Isak's face for a few seconds before she eventually speaks “You know I'd really like to get some ice cream.”

A small smile creeps on Isak's lips and he lightly shakes his head “Isn't it a bit cold for ice cream?”

“Not when we're cuddled up in cozy blankets.” Vilde smiles at him and she raises one of her brows at him, questioningly “So what do you say?”

“I guess that sounds good.” Isak nods, he doesn't really want to eat ice cream but he doesn't want to say no to Vilde's company, he could really use a little distraction and hanging out with Vilde sounds like more fun than sitting here and waiting for an idea to strike his mind for his essay “You wanna get some in the supermarket and head to my place?”

“Yes.” Vilde's smile gets even brighter and Isak asks himself how she manages to be that positive all the time, he really admires her ability to do that, not even three weeks ago a girl broke her heart and yet she's sitting here, smiling at Isak and trying to cheer him up. She's so much stronger than everyone's giving her credit for, than Isak gave her credit for, Vilde really never ceases to impress him.

They stand up from the table and Isak shoulders his backpack. Vilde hooks her arm with his, giving it a light squeeze as they leave the library “We can call Eva, I bet she'd love to join us.”

“Yeah.” Isak nods and they make their way out the school.

.

“It tastes really good. You sure you don't want some?” Vilde asks Isak, reaching the bowl in her hands toward him, Eva on the other side of him digs her spoon in Vilde's ice cream and licks it from her spoon “Vil's right, it tastes amazing.”

“Ew, no, I hate pistachio.” Isak scrunches his nose up, making Vilde huff out a laugh and Eva roll her eyes.

“I see you're more the vanilla type of boy.” Vilde teases and nudges her shoulder against Isak's, Eva barks out a laugh “He really is.”

“What's wrong with vanilla?” Isak furrows his brows and looks between the two girls.

“Nothing is wrong with vanilla.” Vilde and Eva say in unison and then they start laughing, their whole bodies shaking, Isak can't help but join them, the laughter of the two girls just too contagious.

Isak laughs until his stomach hurts, until it's a little hard to breath in a normal way, it's only when he eventually calms down that he realizes that the two girls are looking at him, both of them a soft smile on their lips.

Isak looks from one girl to the other and asks “What? Do I have ice cream on my nose or something?”

A big smile draws on Eva's lips as she says “It's been a while since we've seen you laugh that heartily, you know.”

Isak feels a pull at the strings of his heart, he knows he's been in a shitty mood lately, but not hearing from Even for almost two weeks is tearing at him, he's worried as fuck. That the other boy apparently doesn't want to see him makes it even worse and the words of Even's dad are still wandering through his mind.

Every night when he's lying awake, waiting until he's exhausted enough so that sleep waves over his body, the words circle through his mind and with every time he's thinking about them, they seem to make more and more sense and it would explain why Even's not reaching out.

_...he can get kind of delusional and his brain tends to make things up..._

“I know, I'm sorry.” Isak says and he looks down at his fingers, nervously playing with them.

Vilde reaches her hand up to his shoulder, giving it a light, encouraging squeeze and says “It's okay, Is, we know that you're worried sick about Even.”

“Yeah.” Isak breaths and he closes his eyes, because he doesn't want to cry in front of the girls, he doesn't want to cry because he already has cried enough these past days.

The girls put away the bowls with ice cream in their hands and cuddle up to him, they lay their heads on his shoulder. Eva takes his hand, intertwines their fingers and gives it a gentle squeeze "It's going to be okay, Is."

.

“Thank you, Vil.” Isak says as he wraps the girl in a warm hug, they sneaked out of his room on their toes, they didn't want to wake Eva up, she's fallen asleep while watching TV about an hour ago.

“No need to.” Vilde smiles at him as they let go of each other. And that's when Isak realizes that he actually hasn't asked her about Mia since the party, he was too caught in his own crap that he totally forgot about it.

“How are you doing?” Vilde seems surprised about that question, he looks down at her feet, avoiding Isak's gaze.

She takes a deep breath before she looks back up in Isak's eyes and she smiles sadly “It'll get better, I just need time, I guess.”

Isak nods and wraps her in another hug “I'm here whenever you need anything, okay? I would buy all the ice cream in the world for you, even if it's pistachio.”

“Thanks, Is.” she huffs out a quiet chuckle and hugs him even tighter.

.

Isak's sitting out at the balcony, his fingers fumbling at the plastic wrapper of the new bought cigarette pack in his hands. He opens the package, pulls out a cigarette and lights it with slightly trembling fingers. He inhales deeply and soon he feels the well known light dizziness that wraps around his brain after the first drag of a cigarette. It's been a while since he smoked his last cigarette and he's still got two left in his 'last package ever', but he didn't want to smoke one of them, he wanted to smoke them with Even, so he bought a new one today. A bad idea, he knows, but well now he's standing here and smoking again, deeply inhaling the smoke until he feels a light burn in his throat and somehow it has something sadly comforting.

Isak leans on the handrail and looks up at the sky, it's covered with gray, heavy clouds, it seems like the weather's a mirror for Isak's mood – dull and glum.

The French window behind him gets opened, but Isak doesn't bother to turn around and look who's joining him, it's either one of his parents or Eva, he's long giving up the hope that Even will show up out of nothing.

“Isn't it a bit cold out here?” the voice of Isak's dad cuts the silence out there on the balcony.

“Not really.” Isak lightly shakes his head, he doesn't look at his dad, he takes another lazy drag of his cigarette.

Terje sighs and takes the few steps out the balcony, grabs Isak's cigarettes and takes one out of the package. He lights it and joins his son at the handrail, Isak turns his head and looks at the profile of his father. Terje turns his head and gives his son a small, encouraging smile before he lays an arm around Isak's shoulder and gives it a light squeeze.

Isak can't hold back the single tear that rolls down his cheek, he sniffles and quickly wipes it away with the sleeve of the hoodie that he stole from Even a few weeks ago. Isak's standing out here in the October cold with the comfort of his dad's arm around his shoulder and Even's hoodie hugging his body. They're silent, none of them speaking a word and they don't have to, words would be useless now and they wouldn't help anyway.

“It's been almost two weeks, pappa.” Isak eventually says after a few minutes and turns his head to look at his dad again, the man's face is a little blurry through the haze of his tears.

“He needs time, Is.” Terje says with a quiet voice, he takes the already burned down cigarette from Isak's fingers and stubs it and his own out in the ashtray on the little table.

Terje steps back beside his son and brushes his hand gently over his son's hair and smiles lightly at him “It's not because of you, he just needs time to get back on his feet. You know how bad things can get.”

“I know, but it... it still fucking hurts, though.” Isak says, his voice small and he's a little embarrassed because he knows how selfish he sounds. He knows he probably sounds like a brat, but he wants to be there for the other boy, he wants to see himself that he's doing better and not just getting texts from the other boy's brother every day.

“I know, Issy, I know.” his dad wraps him in a hug, it's a tight hug and Terje holds him very close and Isak is thankful, because it's the kind of hug he needs right now and it almost feels like a few parts of his broken heart are getting fixed, just a few, but it's a beginning “It's going to get better.” Isak has his doubts about his father's words, but Terje knows what he's talking about, doesn't he?

Isak doesn't know for how long they stand out there on the balcony, wrapped in each others arms, he knows if some of his neighbors will see them, they will start a new rumor about the Valtersen family, but Isak doesn't give a shit, these asshole can think what they want.

“Let's get back inside, it's cold out here.” Terje says as they let of each other and Isak only nods, he runs the sleeve of his stolen hoodie another time over his face to get rid of the last traces of his tears.

Isak's dad disappears in the kitchen and Isak stays in the living room, he doesn't want to go back to his room, he's had enough of being alone in there. He grabs one of his mother's blankets and snuggles up on the couch, turning on the TV and switching through the channels, desperately searching for anything bearable to watch.

A few minutes later Terje walks in with a big mug in his hand “I know you're not really hungry, but I thought some hot cocoa could be something you'd like.”

Isak smiles thankfully at his dad and he can feel his eyes tearing up again, he takes the mug from his dad's hand and takes a sip. It tastes the way it always does when his father makes it. Isak doesn't know what secret ingredient his dad's using, but it tastes better than any other cocoa out there “Thanks, pappa.” Isak says as he gets comfortable under the blanket again.

“No worries, son.” Terje smiles lightly and sits down at the other side of the couch, grabbing his book from the couch table. The silent noises of the TV are filling the living room and it doesn't take Isak long to doze off.

.

He wakes up about four hours later as someone adjusts the blanket around his body - it's been the longest he has slept in the past two weeks.

Isak slowly blinks his eyes open, the living room's only lit by the light flickering over the screen of the TV, he yawns heartily before he leans up a little and asks “What's the time?”

“It's half past eight, honey.” his mom answers and she smiles softly down at him, the expression on her face changes lightly as she says “Hedda couldn't reach you earlier so she gave me a call.”

Isak abruptly sits up, maybe a little too fast, because his head feels a little dizzy, but Isak decides to ignore it and asks “What? What did she say?”

“Even's feeling better and she asked if you maybe want to come over the next days, he would love to see you.” Marianne puts her hand on Isak's face and brushes her thumb over his cheek, smiling at him.

Isak frowns a little and fumbles his phone out of his jeans, there are two missed calls from Hedda, a message from Mathis, but nothing from Even “He hasn't answered any of my texts yet, I don't think it's a good idea to just go there and see him. What if Hedda's wrong and he doesn't want to see me?” The words spill so quickly over his lips that Isak isn't even sure if his mom was able to caught all of them.

Marianne cups Isak's chin with her hand and says softly “Isak, baby. Take a breath.”

Isak looks his mother in the eyes, he does as she said, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, as he opens his eyes again his mother is smiling at him “Pay him a visit, okay?”

Isak doesn't know why, but something in him is still not really convinced that Even actually wants to see him, why didn't he call or text Isak himself? Why did he tell Hedda to call Isak and say that he wants to see him? To Isak this whole thing makes no sense, but he doesn't think that Hedda and his mom would play him so he sighs “Okay.”

“Okay.” his mother lightly nods and gives Isak another genuine smile.

.

He can't remember the last time he's been that nervous to see the other boy, he doesn't know if he ever has been that nervous before.

The ride to Even's is silent and Isak can feel his mother's glance on him every now and then, but she doesn't say anything and this actually makes him even more nervous. Is it really a good idea to go there? What if Even doesn't want to see him? What if the two women only thought it was a good idea and Even doesn't know about that plan?

Isak turns his head to look out his window and takes a deep breath, trying not to think about all of this. It takes them a little longer than usual to get there because of the traffic, but Isak doesn't complain, to be honest he's thankful, this gives him a little more time to calm his nerves down.

As the car stops in front of the building that leads to Even's home, Isak gets unpleasantly abrupt pulled out of his thoughts “Issy, we're here.” His mother says quietly and takes his hand in hers.

“You sure that's a good idea?” Isak asks, his voice a little shaky due to his insecurity, he looks at her, his eyes roaming her face for any sign of hesitation.

"Mmh." Isak's mother hums and she gives Isak an honest smile, that calms him down a little, but just a little, he takes a deep and nods "Okay."

Marianne squeezes his hand before Isak gets out the car and she smiles at him “Bye, honey.”

.

Isak opens the gate to the passage and he stops his steps in there, he thinks about turning around and getting the hell back out to his mother's car but as the gate behind him falls shut Isak's feet start their way toward Even's front door.

He raises his hand and knocks once, twice, before he opens the door and steps inside the bungalow. A warm glow and the familiar smell of the Bech Næsheim household welcome him inside, oh how much he missed this. Isak's heart immediately feels a little more at ease and it seems like his nervousness disappeared as soon as he stepped over the threshold.

Isak's walking in the kitchen with slow steps, Hedda raises her head as she hears his steps and she greats him with a smile “Halla, honey.”

“Hei, Hedda.” Isak sits down in the chair in front of her.

Isak reaches out his hand and slightly squeezes Hedda's, she smiles at him "It's good to see you."

"You too." Isak gives her a small smile and Hedda lightly nods.

She looks tired, she looks the same she did a few months ago as Isak went to their apartment in OWH as Even had his last episode "How is he doing?"

"Better." Hedda says, she gives Isak's hand a light squeeze "He was asking for you."

"He did?" Isak's asks quietly, a little part of him still can't believe that the other boy finally wants to see him again. A little part still asking himself why Even didn't call himself or sent him a text and then suddenly Isak realizes how stupid he had been, Even's phone's probably long dead and buried somewhere in his nightstand.

"Yeah, honey." Hedda nods and yet another smile draws on her lips and Isak mirrors it, this time it's already a little easier to do so.

Isak stands up and Hedda does as well, she looks at him and Isak can tell that she wants to say something, so he waits for her to speak and while he does, he wraps her in a hug, maybe it'll help her to find the right words to speak.

“Thank you for caring so much, Isak.” Hedda sniffles beside his ear and she hugs him a little tighter.

“No need to thank me, Hedda.” that's what best friends are for, but Isak doesn't speak out the second part of the sentence.

They let go of each other, Hedda lays her hands on Isak's shoulders and says “He's had a rough time before we moved to Oak Wood Hills, before he met you. And you helped him a lot to become himself again. I haven't seen him being this genuinely happy in a long time.”

These words leave him speechless, Isak opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to say something, but he can't find his voice to speak.

Hedda smiles at him and adds “I'm so happy he found someone who loves him as much as we do.”

“I do.” Isak eventually manages to say something and he smiles at her.

“I know, honey, I know.” she wraps an arm around his shoulder and presses a kiss on his curls and Isak asks himself if she really knows how much he loves her son, if she knows that it's more than platonic love. Perhaps she does.

.

Isak slowly opens the door to Even's room, he's feeling a déjà vu, he's been in that situation before, but this time it isn't dark in Even's room, there's light shining through the little holes in the blinds.

Even's sitting on his bed, his back laid-back against the headboard of it, his head leaned over a book.

"Hei." Isak whispers, his words so quiet that he doesn't even know if Even even heard him.

The boy's head slowly lifts up from the book in his lap, he looks at Isak, he blinks a few times as if he can't quite believe that he's actually standing there. He doesn't say anything, he only closes the book in his hands and puts it aside, his eyes never leaving Isak's.

Isak walks slowly toward the bed, he climbs on it and he reaches his hand out to caress Even's cheek and says another time "Hei, Ev."

A smile comes to Even's lips, it's only a small one, but it's a smile nevertheless and Isak can tell that it's genuine because his blue eyes are smiling as well.

Isak leans forward and wraps the other boy in a warm hug, Even exhales loudly and Isak can feel him melting into their embrace “You're here.” Even breaths beside his ear and he sounds close to tears.

Isak smiles, he smiles because it feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from his chest, because it feels like he finally can breathe again, because he's finally holding the boy, he's loving with every fiber of his body, in his arms again.

He wraps his arms even tighter around the other boy's body and he smiles through the glassy haze of the tears in his eyes "I'm here, baby, I'll always be here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.. I can't tell you how sorry I am that this update took me so long again.. I just didn't have the time to write although I really really wanted to :(( But now it's here.. finally... and I'm not gonna promise that the next update won't take me this long again, because it seems like I can't hold these kind of promises :((  
> I hope you enjoyed the update anyway and a big thank you to all, who still stick around and read my story, thanks to everyone leaving comments and kudos... I love you, every single one of you ♥♥


	13. Maybe in another universe you love me the way I love you

* * *

 

“I'm sorry.” the other boy breaths beside Isak's ear, making him frown, Even shouldn't feel the need to apologize, he hasn't done anything wrong, though.

“There's no need to be sorry, Ev.” Isak whispers back, the other boy squeezes him tightly against his body for another time before he eventually lets go of him.

“I'm sorry for shutting you out.” Even says, his eyes scanning Isak's face and Isak knows that it's written all over his face what these past two weeks without Even have done to him and his appearance.

“You look like you haven't slept for days.” Even lays his hand on his cheek, his thumb drawing small, soft circles on Isak's skin.

“Mathis updated me everyday, but I was still worried, though.” Isak nervously bites down on his bottom lip.

“He did update you?” Even raises one of his brows.

“Yeah.” Isak nods lightly and he smiles at his best friend “He really is a great brother. I can show you his texts if you want.”

“No need to, I believe you." Even smiles and he adds "He really is a good brother, yeah.” it's not sarcastic, the older boy really means this words and Isak's a little surprised about that, but he doesn't comment on it, he only nods, there will be another time to talk about that turn.

Isak lays down beside Even and he brushes his fingers through the older boy's hair “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, Is.” Even says and scoots closer, wrapping an arm around Isak's waist “So fucking much.”

Isak wants to kiss Even, but he doesn't know if he should, if he can, Kristian's words still in the back of his mind. He doesn't know if he should ask Even about the stuff his father said, he doesn't know if it's the right time, if there will ever be the right time to say it.

Even draws his thumb along Isak's brow “You wanna tell me what's going on in there?”

“Not now.” Isak decides it's not the right time now, this can wait, for now it's important that he's here with Even, that Even's feeling better and that he's as happy to see Isak as Isak is happy to see him.

Everything's going to be okay again, isn't it?

.

Isak falls asleep under Even's soft touches and he wakes up to an empty bed and muffled voices coming from the kitchen.

He runs his fingers over his eyes and yawns heartily before he gets up from Even's bed and takes a few slow steps toward the door.

Isak listens to the voices out there, he can hear three different ones, Even's, Hedda's and Mathis'. Why is Mathis here?

He tries to understand what they're talking about, but it seems like they're trying to speak as quietly as they can to not wake Isak up.

Isak can only understands some fragments of words and as he hears his name, he can't hold back his curiosity and quietly opens the door a little, just to regret it only a few minutes later.

"Honey, I don't think it's.." Hedda sighs but she can't finish her sentence because Even interrupts her, he sounds tired and exhausted, it seems like they have had this conversation not for the first time "Mom, please don't..."

"But I don't think you're making the right decision, you shouldn't do this because of the things your dad said. I think you're rushing this decision, he was so happy to see you, though." Hedda's voice sounds close to tears.

"It's not because of dad." Even exhales loudly.

"Evy.." Hedda whispers and something about the way she speaks his name breaks Isak's heart, what is going on out there? What are they talking about? And why is Mathis suddenly so quiet?

"This is going to break his heart. And yours too." oh there is the voice of Even's brother again, and Isak is so surprised to hear him talking again, that it takes him a few more seconds to process what the boy actually said.

"You think I don't know this, Mats? I do, but it's for the best.” Even says, his voice is getting quieter with every word and Isak can't hear all of them.

Isak doesn't know how long it takes him to realize what he just heard, he stands there, tears running down his face, not able to move, his whole body feeling numb, so fucking numb.

Somehow he manages it to the bathroom, for a second he thinks that he's going to throw up, for a second it's all too much. His breath is fast and heavy, his knees are weak and about to give in.

Isak lets his body sink on the edge of the bath tube, taking a few deep breaths to calm down, trying to keep the nausea at bay. When his heart rate is at normal speed again, he runs his still lightly shaking fingers over his eyes, wiping away the hot tears that escaped them. He sits there for another few minutes, his mind's blank, his body's numb, trying to process what he just heard, but he can't, he understands shit right now.

Even was happy to see him, wasn't he? And now he's going to kick Isak out of his life? He wants to end this? He wants Isak to fuck off? In what kind of universe is that fair?

Isak startles heavy as he hears someone walking by the bathroom, Even, he quickly stands up, ignoring the light dizzyness that flods his brain for a short moment. He takes the few steps to the sink and spills some cold water in his face. He runs his fingers through his hair, trying to tame his pretty messy curls, but well it doesn't work really well. He looks at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes show a hint of redness, he looks exactly how he feels, like shit.

Isak takes a deep breath before he opens the bathroom and walks out in the hall, he peeks in Even's room, but it's empty, so Isak slowly walks to the kitchen, following the frustrated words spoken in there, he hears them but he can't really process them. The voices go quiet as he steps in the kitchen and looks from one face to the other, from Mathis to Hedda to Even.

"Hei." he manages a small smile, trying to act as if he didn't overhear their conversation earlier.

"Hei, honey." Hedda says, a little too loud, a little too cheerful. Fuck.

Isak can see that Even's flinching a bit, and Mathis doesn't look at him, Even's brother is avoiding his gaze at any cost. Double fuck.

So this is the end, of their relationship, of their friendship, of everything.

“Is.” Even says and he smiles, it's a weird mix of genuine and shocked. It takes everything in Isak to act as if nothing's wrong, it takes all in him not to burst into tears again.

“There's no time of the day when the Bech Næsheim family doesn't argue, huh?” Isak jokes and he wishes he would just have shut up and said nothing. He wishes the ground would swallow him whole or that he could just run away from here. It's horrible to stand here, Even smiling that weird, Hedda looking like she's about to burst into tears at any second and Mathis looking everywhere but at him.

“That's what happens when every family member is stubborn as fuck.” Even huffs out a chuckle and it's fake, so fucking fake that it makes Isak sick to his stomach.

Mathis leaves the room and Hedda looks behind him, frowning deeply, her eyes wander from Isak to Even and she whispers “I think I should...” she doesn't finish her sentence and leaves the kitchen with quick steps, she's almost running out there.

Isak looks at Even and raises his brows “What's going on here, Ev?”

Even swallows and sighs deeply “Just a little disagreement.” The boy runs his hand through his dark blond hair and he looks at Isak, a smile on his lips, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

_Just say it_ , Isak wants to scream, but he can't find the courage to do so, because he doesn't want to hear these words.

"I'm gonna have a smoke." Isak says, breaking the unbearable silence, he can't keep standing there, waiting for Even to say it, he needs to do something, anything.

Isak walks out the kitchen, leaving Even alone in there, maybe he just needs another few minutes to find the right words to end this. Are there even right words for a break up? Is that even a break up?

Isak sits down at the bench beside the front door, fumbles out a cigarette and lights it, suddenly thankful that he bought that new package last week.  
He takes a deep puff, closes his eyes and leans his head against the wall behind him, as the front door opens again and someone steps out, Isak knows without opening his eyes that it's Mathis.

The boy exhales loudly before he flops down beside Isak and grabs the cigarette from his fingers.

"Hei, that's mine." Isak protests lamely, finally opening his eyes to look at the other boy.

"Jeez you've got a whole package, dude. Typical only child, can't share." Mathis teases and rolles his eyes.

Isak eventually manages to grab the cigarette back "Shut up." He reaches him the package and Mathis fumbles out his own "Thanks."

Isak knows that Even's brother is not going to tell him what was going on in there, Mathis won't tell him why Even wants to cut him out of his life, so he doesn't bother to ask.

They just sit out there beside each other, sharing a strange comfortable silence, inhaling and exhaling the smoke calmingly in synch.

Mathis is finished before Isak, he stubs the cigarette out in the ash tray and before he leaves he looks at Isak and smiles “Thanks for the cig, bro.”

“You basically beat me to give you one.” Isak smiles back and somehow this strangely feels like a goodbye, a goodbye for a long time or even forever.

“Take care, Is.” Mathis says and Isak needs to fight back his tears, fucking hell, who would've thought that one day Isak will cry because he's going to miss Even's older brother? It's so ridiculous that Isak almost starts to laugh, but only almost.

“You too, Mats.” Isak smiles again, but it slips from his lips as soon as the other boy turns around and walks through to passage that leads out to the street.

.

Isak takes his time to get back in, he knows it's ridiculous because he knows that it will happen anyways no matter he long he's trying to prolong this.

He walks in Even's room, the boy's sitting on the windowsill, looking out the window and he looks so beautiful like this. Isak tries not to think about that first night they sat on the windowsill in Even's old room back in OWH and smoked a joint, talking about stupid things and laughing their asses off. A smile creeps to Isak's lips and he blinks away the tears in his eyes.

Isak stands there looking at his best friend for a few seconds, taking him in, trying to memorize every feature, every curve of his face, everything.

“Do you remember the first time when we were sitting on the windowsill in my old room, talking so much ridiculous shit and laughing our asses off?” Even suddenly says, he doesn't look at Isak, his eyes are still pinned outside the window.

“Yeah, I do.” Isak says and he quickly wipes the tear away that escaped his right eye.

“Sometimes I wish we could go back there.” Even sighs and Isak bites down his bottom lip.

“Why?” he asks quietly, still standing in the middle of Even's room, looking at the other boy, but not able to move and walk up to him.

“Because I feel like...” Even finally turns his head and he looks at Isak, there's a sad smile on his lips and Isak's heart drops to the floor “.. I feel like everything was a bit easier back then.”

Isak swallows hard, he doesn't know what to say, he just stands there and stares at the other boy, waiting for Even's words, waiting for the words, which will end this.

But Even doesn't say anything, he stands up and walks up to Isak, he cups his face with his hands and Isak closes his eyes for a second, calming himself down.

“Do you think we can go back to this? To this Isak and Even?” Even asks and Isak can feel the other boy's breath on his face.

He looks in Even's eyes, they're nervously roaming his face. Can they go back to this Isak and Even? Isak doesn't know, but if this is what Even wants and if that means he can stay in Even's life Isak will take it. He can do that, as long as he has Even everything's alright, better having him as just his best friend again than not having him in his life at all. And Isak knew it all along, he knew Even's feelings weren't the same as his, Even never fell in love, it never meant the same to him.

“We can do that.” Isak lightly nods, his words barely a whisper.

Even exhales loudly and he smiles “Okay.” and then he pulls Isak in a tight hug.

It's alright, everything's alright, he's not going to lose Even, then why is he still feeling so fucking heartbroken?

.

The past days Isak managed to be the funny, grumpy little shit around his friends - the Isak they knew and loved. He did everything to hide how heartbroken he was, but Eva, Eva didn't buy any of his shit, she saw right through him. Isak could feel her worried glances on him, she didn't say anything, though, because she knew that Isak would come to her when he was ready to talk about it.

This morning Isak decided to skip school and go to Even's spot instead, he's sitting out at the jetty, his shoes only a few millimeters hanging above the water.

It's pretty cold outside and Isak will probably catch a cold, but he doesn't care, the cold and the light smell of snow that lingers in the air have something calming and relaxing.

Somehow Isak wishes Even would show up so they could talk, about anything, Isak doesn't care about what, he just wants to talk to his friend. He hasn't heard from the other boy in a week, but he hasn't reached out either, not sure if Even's doing this do bring some kind of distance betweeen them.

As the phone in his pocket pings Isak hopes that it's a text from Even, but deep down he already knows it's not from him.

_____

**Eva 11:39**

Where are you, Is?

Didn't feel like school today

I don't want to sound like a mom, but I'm worried about you :(

It's going to be alright, don't be worried, girl

Issy...  
I'm getting this test done and then I'll come

Meet me at our birthday hang out spot?

Okay.. be there in about an hour

Okay  
Good luck for the test, Evie :*

Thanks bub :*  
See ya

 _____  
.

“Isn't it a bit cold to sit out here?” Eva smiles at him as she sits down beside him on the bench, her eyes studying his face. She's wearing her big red coat, a thick scarf is wrapped around her neck and a beanie is covering her auburn hair. She looks cozy and warm like that and Isak doesn't know why this sight makes him want to cry.

He blinks away the tears in his eyes and Eva's expression changes, her smile fades, she shifts closer and wraps an arm around Isak “Issy? What's wrong?”

And it doesn't take more than her worried eyes and the worry in her voice for his first tears to fall, before he can even manage to say something, anything.

"I'm a fool, that's what is wrong.” Isak sighs and he huffs out a sad chuckle “A fucking pathetic fool.”

“What happened, Is?” Eva wraps her arms tightly around him and Isak clinges onto her, sobbing into her shoulder, more and more tears rolling down his cheeks.

“My dumb ass fell in love with him, although I knew he just wanted to keep it chill. I'm such an idiot. He asked me to be just friends again.” Isak sobs beside Eva's ear and the girl tightens her arms around Isak.

“You're not an idiot, Issy. He has no idea what he's missing out, though. You're such an amazing person, he's a fool for not loving you.” Eva lets go of him to look in his face.

“Or I'm the fool for loving too much.” Isak says, wiping away the tears, suddenly a bit embarrassed about his little breakdown.

“You're not a fool, Issy. You just fell in love, that happens to the best of us.” Isak manages a small smile, Eva takes a breath before she cautiously asks “Do you think this whole only-friends-again thingy will work, though?”

“I don't know.” Isak exhales loudly, his eyes getting teary again "I have no fucking clue, Eva."

Eva cups Isak's face with her hands, she gently wipes away the tears and gives him a soft smile "We'll get through this okay? I'm here for you, Issy. Always."

"Thank you, Evie, you're truly the best. I don't deserve you." Isak snuffles, placing his hands on hers and squeezing them lightly.

"You deserve the world, Isak Valtersen, nothing less." Eva whispers, making Isak cry all over again, Eva never fails to make Isak feel loved and important, Eva never fails to be the best friend he has in this world. 

.

Isak doesn't know why he said yes to come here to Vilde's cozy hang out thing, he has no idea what he's doing here, he'd rather be at home, in his bed watching some shitty show or movie on Netflix.

But now he's here in Vilde's kitchen opening the third beer for the night, he takes a sip and almost chokes on it as he hears his voice “Halla.”

Isak turns around, his eyes meet a brightly smiling Even and he looks so fucking good, what makes Isak wish even more that he would've stayed at home.

It's been two weeks since Even took a step back, it's been two weeks since they talked to each other – two weeks without a single call or text – two weeks of Isak's heart longing for the other boy.

“Hei.” Isak eventually manages to say and it's awkwardly silent between them for a few seconds.

Even huffs out a nervous laugh and says “The first time it was a bit easier, wasn't it?”

“Yeah, I think that we sucked each other's dicks adds some weirdness to this.” Isak regrets his dumb words as soon as they're out of his mouth but he's relieved as Even barks out a laugh.

“Right. I guess we can not pretend that we've never seen each other's dicks, huh?” Even grins and Isak rolls his eyes.

“Dude, how am I supposed to forget a dick like yours.” Isak jokes with a dumb grin on his lips.

“Isak.” Even huffs out another laugh and it's music to Isak's ears.

“That's a total compliment, though.” Isak shrugs, still grinning at Even.

“Jeez, I guess that's not your first beer of the night?” Even points at the beer can in Isak's hand.

“My third, mamma Even.” Isak rolls his eyes again, making Even chuckle and it's an adorable sound, one of Isak's favorites.

And with that the awkwardness is gone and they actually have a really good time at that party. Even as only-friends-again and for a moment, a short moment, Isak thinks they can do that, that he can do that.  
.

It didn't take Even long to convince Isak that it's a good idea to stay at his tonight, Isak knows it's pathetic, it's pathetic how much he's craving for the other boy's attention, how much he's craving for every little affection of the older boy.

Being around Even makes Isak's heart feel more at ease then it did the past two weeks, but at the same time the aching in his chest gets stronger with every passing minute. Isak's doing his best to ignore the battle his feelings seems to have in his chest, he just wants to be with Even tonight, there's enough time to regret all of this tomorrow.

On their way home, there is loud laughter, play fighting and light banter – everything feels so fucking easy, as if nothing happened between them, as if Even hadn't broken Isak's heart two weeks ago. It feels like in the beginning of their friendship before the whole feelings and physical stuff got involved - at least Isak's trying to convince himself that it's like that, but deep down he knows that they can't really go back to this. 

Isak can't, because Even means so much more than a best friend to him and his heart clenches in his chest because he knows that his feelings will make him lose Even completely.

He wishes he would've been brave enough to say something two weeks ago as Even suggested to go back to being friends again. Isak should've argued, he wished he would've found the words to convince Even that it was worth trying, that he was worth trying. But he just nodded and said “Okay.” Swallowing down his tears and the sobs in his throat as he hugged the other boy.

All these thoughts make the tears sting in Isak's eyes, he stops his steps and takes a deep shaky breath. Even abruptly stops and he looks at Isak with worry in his eyes, he steps up to him and brings one of his hands up to Isak's face, his thumb gently caressing Isak's cheek. His touch so soft it almost burns Isak's skin, and that's when a tear escapes his eyes.

Isak curses his feelings and he curses himself that he can't pull himself together, he hates that Even sees how hurt he is, he wanted the other boy to think that everything's okay between them, that he can handle it.

Even's blue eyes are full of worry as they roam Isak's face “What's wrong, baby?”

_Baby,_ the word's so soft out of Even's mouth, it breaks Isak's heart even more and another tear rolls down his cheek.

“It's nothing.” Isak whispers, trying to shrug it off, but as his eyes find Even's he adds “I just miss you.” and he's embarrassed how pathetic these words sound, but he can't help it. He waits for Even to say something, but he doesn't, instead he wraps Isak in a tight, warm hug.

Even buries his nose in Isak's curls and takes a deep breath, one of his hand calmly stroking up and down Isak's back and although Isak's wearing a thick winter coat he can feel the warmth of Even's hand.

Isak's head is laid in the crotch of Even's neck and he inhales Even's scent, he missed that smell, that feeling of being that close to the other boy.

His heart pinches in his chest, so Isak lets go of the other boy, snuffling and looking at his hands “I'm sorry... I...”

Even cups Isak's face, his thumbs gently wiping away the tears on Isak's cheeks and Isak asks himself if Even's hands touch other people that gentle too or if these touches are only for him. Probably not.

“I miss you too, Is. Really fucking much.” Isak didn't expect these words, he looks up and meets Even's blue eyes, so beautifully blue, there are tears in Even's eyes and Isak curses himself for making him sad. Isak brings his hands up to lay them on Even's, which are still cupping his face.

“I didn't want to make you sad.” Isak whispers, and then there slowly comes a smile to Even's lips.

“I'm not sad, Is. I'm fucking happy that you're here with me.” Even leans his forehead against Isak's. They're so close, that he can feel the other boys breath on his lips. And Isak wishes, that Even really means these words and is not only saying them because he's crying, he wishes it so badly.

It's silent between them, Isak thinks about what to say, he thinks about so many things but nothing seems to be right, his train of thoughts gets interrupt by Even, who traces his thumb along his bottom lip.

Isak closes his eyes, he tries to shut down the thoughts in his head, the nearly unbearable aching in his chest.

_It's just a touch. Nothing more. We're just friends. Nothing more._

Even's touches are so soft, always gentle and cautious, like he's afraid that Isak would break under his touch.

Isak holds his breath, he doesn't know why, maybe because he nervously waits for Even to kiss him and thank God Even does, he kisses Isak and it's soft, gentle and even a little shy. It seems like Even isn't sure if Isak's okay with it, so Isak buries his fingers in the other boy's hair, pulling him closer, showing him it's totally fine to kiss him - although it's breaking his heart.

Isak can't remember a single time when kissing Even felt like this, so so sweet, but also so so fucking sad.

_It's just a kiss. Nothing more. He's just kissing me, because I'm sad. It's just a kiss out of pity._

_It'll never mean the same to him then it does to me._

As they eventually make their way home, Even takes Isak's hand and intertwines their fingers, Isak looks down at their hands and then in Even's face, there's a smile gracing his lips, it's a small touch, but it fills Isak's body with warmth, he smiles back and slightly squeezes the other boy's hand.

_It's just a touch. Nothing more._

_._

Even's head is resting on Isak's chest, he's already sound asleep, Isak's fingers are brushing through Even's dark blond hair, his eyes are staring into the darkness.

Isak can still feel the touch of Even's lips on his own, since the kiss ended Isak's thinking about why this kiss felt so different than all the ones they shared before, and he knows why, deep down he knows why. But is he ready to let this thought come to the surface, is he ready for this tonight, or should he suppress the thought until morning comes and everything's dipped in another light.

Isak somehow manages to climb out of Even's bed without waking the other boy up, he grabs one of Even's hoodies, buries his nose in it and takes a deep breath, it smells sweetly like Even.

Isak pulls it over his head and walks out of Even's room, the apartment is quiet, Even's mom isn't home, neither are his brothers, Isak walks along the hall and slips out the front door.

There lies a cigarette pack on of the windowsill out there, Isak grabs it and pulls out a cigarette, he lights it and takes a deep drag and at the same time he thinks, he needs to stop this awful habit again, but this time for real.

Isak walks along the patio, around the corner of the other house to a small gate, he leans his hands on it and breaths out the smoke. There's a group of people walking home from the city, they're obviously drunk and their drunk attempt of singing is echoing through the quiet of the night and Isak envies their lighthearted happiness.

Only a few months ago he was the one who walked home like this with one arm wrapped around Even's shoulder, loudly rumbling a song and laughing his ass off because Even was such an awful singer.

Isak smiles at that memory and once again he asks himself if things would be different if there had only been that one kiss in Italy or no kiss at all.

He takes the last drag of his cigarette and grinds it out at one of the iron rods of the gate and takes it with him back to ashtray on the windowsill. He lets his body fall on the little bench beside the front door and runs his fingers through his hair, he leans his head in his neck and looks up at the sky. Trying to find an answer to all of his questions, trying to find the answer for what he should do.

The longer he looks up there, the more he realizes that he can't continue like this, his heart can't take this anymore. He wants more than just kisses and touches when Even thinks it's okay to be more than friends. Isak wants it all, he wants Even to be his boyfriend and not just his friend who sleeps with him and kisses him from time to time, when he feels like it.

He wants it all and he knows Even doesn't and he knows if he says this all to Even he will lose him, but maybe, maybe it's better that way, better for Isak's heart, because it's already broken enough and for the first time he wants to do something that's better for him and not for their friendship. For once Isak feels like he needs to do something that's better for himself.

He tiptoes back in Even's room, grabs one of the notebooks and a pen from Even's desk and sneaks back out. It's cold out there but Isak doesn't care, the cold is good to keep his thoughts clear.

He doesn't really know what to write, he just writes down the words that come to his mind, he writes these words with tears in his eyes, a few of them even falling down on the paper. Isak thinks about starting again on a fresh piece of paper, but he doesn't, because he doesn't know if he's able to write these words down for another time.

_This is the right thing to do, this is the right thing for your heart, you can't take any more heartbreak, Isak. You deserve a love story that doesn't hurt like that, you deserve more, Isak._

His eyes quickly fly over the words again and again and again, as he reads them for the last time, he takes a deep shaky breath. With this words in mind Isak rips out the paper from the notebook and folds it once, twice and walks back to Even's room.

He slips on his pants, he keeps on Even's hoodie, maybe this is the last time he gets the chance to get something that smells like Even and will remind him of the other boy.

Isak looks at the older boy, Even's still sound asleep, his face half buried in the pillow, his hair lightly hanging in his face, he looks fucking beautiful and Isak needs to hold back a loud sob and quickly runs the back of his hand over his eyes, before he tiptoes to Even's bed and places the the letter with his words on the second pillow. He takes a last look at Even and hot tears escape his eyes, he wants to place a kiss on Even's hair but he doesn't want to risk to wake the other boy. Isak leaves Even's room without looking back.

He walks out the apartment with quick steps, runs along the patio, through the passage out on the street. Isak runs until his lungs sting from the cold air, he stops at a skateboard ground and decides to take a short break there.

Isak climbs up the half pipe and sits down, he looks around the skateboard ground and his vision starts to get blurry, he burries his face in his hands trying to muffle the sound of the loud and uncontrollable sobs escaping his lips.

He doesn't know for how long he's been sitting here, he cried until there were no tears left, until his eyes and chest burned. He can't remember if he ever felt that miserable in his life before, he doesn't know if his heart ever felt that sore before, he doesn't know if he ever felt that cold before.

He climbs down the half pipe and makes his way home, his arms tightly wrapped around himself, the words of his letter imprinted to the back of his mind.

_**_

_Even,_

_I don't really know where to begin this, I've never written a letter like this before, or any other letter._

_I know you never meant to hurt me, I know that because I know you love me, but not the way I wished you would love me._

_Even, I love you more than just a best friend, looking back I think I fell in love with you the moment you smiled at me for the very first time._

_Every kiss, every touch was more to me than just a kiss or a touch.. I fell in love deeper and deeper and you didn't._

_That's why I can't go on like this or this will slowly kill me.. (Gosh, that sounds so fucking dramatic.)_

_Maybe in another universe you love me the way I love you and faen I really envy that Isak (what a lucky bastard, though).. but here in this universe I feel like we're not meant to be together like that._

_I know I said it was okay and believe me I really wish it would be, but I can't keep on pretending that it's not breaking my heart that I can't have you like that._

_Maybe someday we can start as friends again, maybe even best friends, I really wish for this, because you're one of the best people I've ever met and you mean so much. So fucking much, Even._

_But for now I need time, time for myself, time for my heart to heal._

_I'm sorry, I love you_

_Isak_

_**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me soo long again, but here is another update ♥  
> It went totally different than I actually had in mind, I didn't plan on making it this sad .. sorry, though :((  
> The next chapter won't be this sad, I promise it's going to be okay, even better than okay, since it's going to be the last and everything's going to work out for our boys in the end ♥  
> Thank you for still being around and reading my story, for leaving comments and kudos... I love you ♥


	14. I really fucking hope there will always be an us in every single universe, in every world, in every life

* * *

 

Isak's looking out the window of the cabin, the landscape is covered in snow, the lake down the hill is frozen and some kids seem to have the time of their lives running over its frozen surface. It looks like a winter day drawn in a children's book, it's almost a little too perfect, a little too cheesy for Isak's taste.

He turns the mug filled with hot, steaming coffee in his hands, it's still early, his friends are still asleep, but Isak enjoys the silence in the cabin. He spent the last few days here with Eva, Jonas, Vilde, Chris and Magnus, it's been chill days and Isak really enjoyed being around his friends, it helped him to calm the nagging feeling of loneliness in his chest - the feeling that indwells his chest since the day he left the letter on Even's pillow.

“Isn't it cheesily beautiful?” Eva says quietly behind him, Isak turns around and smiles at her “Yeah.”

Eva takes the mug from his hands and takes a sip of the coffee “It's been so long since the last time we've been here.”

“Too long, if you ask me. The last time must've been years ago.” Isak nods and takes the mug back from his best friend. When they were children, they used to get here every winter break, they always spend their last days of the year here, was it with Eva's mom or Isak's parents or all of them together. There are lots of photos on the walls that prove how much time they used to spend here. Good memories.

“We should definitely do this more often. It's good to escape the city a bit.” Eva lays her hand on his shoulder and gently squeezes it “You wanna join me for a walk?”

“Sure.” Isak smiles at her, Eva's been nothing but amazing this past month, sure she couldn't heal his broken heart, but she did a fucking great job on making it bearable. Eva just knows when Isak needs someone who listens, when he needs a shoulder to lean on, when he just wants to share a comfortable silence or when he needs someone in these nights when everything's seems too much, these nights when he needs someone beside him on the bed to be able to get at least one or two hours of sleep.

They put on their shoes and warm coats, wrap woolen scarfs around their necks and pull beanies over their hair, they look a little ridiculous bundled up like this, but just because the snow looks pretty out there doesn't mean it's not fucking freezing.

It's a quiet morning, most of the neighborhood seems to be still asleep, only the laughter and squealing from the kids down at the frozen lake are echoing trough the cold air.

“How are you, Issy?” Eva breaks the silence, and when she asks this question Isak realizes that it's the first time in a while that she does so. Isak looks at her, her face is soft, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips, and it's the first time in weeks that there's no worry in her eyes, or maybe she just became better at hiding it.

Eva's question caught him a little off guard. How does he feel? Isak doesn't know the answer to that question, the only thing he knows is that he’s feeling a little better than he did a few weeks ago. His heart is still broken, though, and he still misses Even with every fiber of it, but the aching in his chest is getting smaller, slowly but it does.

Perhaps these past three days at the cabin were exactly what he needed, a few days away from everything, surrounded by his friends – just chilling and having fun. At some point in these three days Isak has realized that he has to stop waiting and hoping for something that isn't going to happen. Even will only be his friend, if he even will be something, anything to Isak in the future.

It's been a little more than a month since Isak left the letter on Even's pillow, a month since he decided to walk out of Even's life (for a little while), a month since Even decided to not run after Isak, a month without a word from the older boy, a month of complete radio silence, a month of Isak learning how to handle the aching in his chest and the sore heart in it.

With every passing day Even not reaching out, the realization that it won't be them in the end sunk in and Isak started doubting that they ever will be anything again. Perhaps Even doesn't want him anymore, not as his boyfriend or as his friend, perhaps this whole thing didn’t mean as much to him as it did to Isak.

“I’m doing better.” Isak answers Eva’s question honestly.

Eva gives him a small smile and links her arm with his as she says “It's good to hear that, Is. So this trip wasn't _the_ _worst idea ever_ , huh?”

“No it wasn't.” Isak rolls his eyes, he knows she’s hinting at him being a total prick about this trip, he acted like a brat until his mother told him to stop being such stubborn child and spend some time with his friends “Sorry for being an asshole when you first ask to come with you.”

“It's okay, I knew you would say no, though, so I told your mom to talk some sense into you.” Eva giggles lightly, Isak stops his steps, he looks at her played surprised and breaths dramatically “You didn’t.”

“You’re so silly.” Eva laughs and gently shoves his shoulder.

He doesn’t say anything to that, he looks at Eva with a fond smile on his face, he’s so glad to have her, Eva’s the best friend someone could ask for.

Eva raises one of her brows and she’s about to say something, but Isak cuts her off before she can “Thank you, Evie, seriously, you've been more than amazing this past weeks. You're the best friend someone could ask for, my complaining ass doesn't deserve you.”

Eva's eyes roam his face, her eyes getting teary as she says “Isak Valtersen, I already said it but I'm going to say it again. You deserve the world and nothing less, and I mean it.”

Isak pulls her in a hug and it's a bit weird with all the layers they're wearing but they don't care, they stand there in the midst of a snowy path, hugging each other and if they spill one or two tears no one needs to know.

“Jeez, we're such sappy idiots.” Eva chuckles in his arms and Isak huffs out a laugh “We are. I love you, girl.”

.

The walk back to the cabin is silent, but it's comfortable, Eva's arm is linked with Isak's again. Isak lets his eyes wander around, it's really really beautiful here, Isak knew Even would love it here, he would probably let himself fall backwards in the snow to make a snow angel. It's hurts to think about stuff like that, but Isak can't help but smile anyway, the thought of Even making a snow angel is just too endearing.

“Eva? Isak?” a voice rips Isak out of his thoughts, he squints his eyes a little to see who's shouting for them, there's a small figure standing in the distance waving its arms, is that Vilde?

“Vilde?” Eva asks loudly, her voice sounds a little amused.

“Eva.” Vilde cheers and she begins to run, Isak knows it's not a good idea to that on the snowy, slippery ground.

Followed by a chuckling Vilde cautiously jogs a cursing Magnus, as the girl reaches them happens what Isak knew would happen as soon as the girl started running, Vilde slips and lands right on her butt.

Isak needs to hold back a laugh, the way Vilde fell and the look on her face were just too funny, he helps the girl up and Vilde squints his eyes “Don't laugh, Is.”

“I'm sorry, Vil.” Isak chuckles lightly, Eva beside him does the same.

Magnus is full on laughing when he reaches them, he can barely speak his words “Faen, Vilde, did it hurt?”

“No, Mags.” she shoves his shoulder and pouts.

“I'm sorry, but it looked so funny, though.” Magnus tries to calm his laughter but it doesn't really work.

That's when a snow ball lands right in his face, Isak and Eva bark out a laugh and Vilde stands there rubbing her gloved hands together “That's what you get for laughing at me.”

And somehow this was the start of the biggest snowball fight Isak ever attended, Chris and Jonas join them sometime in the midst of the fight. They build teams and throw snow balls at each other like little kids. Isak has so much fun that he almost forgets about the aching in his chest, his sore heart and Even. They stay out in the snow until their clothes are soaked wet, until they no longer can feel their noses, toes and fingers.

.

“Faen, can someone make a fire?” Eva chatters her teeth, hugging herself to get warm again.

“Yup, I'll do it.” Chris smiles brightly, all the heads turn toward her, she rolls her eyes and says played annoyed “Don't you think I can make a fucking fire?”

“Can you?” it slips out of Isak's mouth.

“Of course I can, Isak. My grandma has a cabin too, I spend literally all of my childhood winters there, so of course I'm fucking able to make a fire.”

“Okay.” Isak smiles at her “Then light it up, girl.”

“Yes, that's the kind of enthusiasm I wanted to hear.” Chris grins and high fives Isak “I'm gonna heat your asses up, bitches.”

Five minutes later all of them sit gathered around the chimney, warming their cold limbs at the fire Chris made.

.

Isak has no idea how his friends managed to convince him to go to this party, but now he's standing here in the kitchen of a house he doesn't know of a guy he doesn't know, at least Vilde is still by his side, he has no idea where the rest of his friends are.

Vilde peeks around the fridge door and hands him a beer, a smile on her face “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Isak smiles back and cracks the can open and takes a sip.

Vilde pours herself a glass of wine at the counter as a guy walks in the room and eyes him up from his toes to his head, Isak looks away, he looks everywhere but at this guy and he's more than relieved as the guy leaves the kitchen again.

Vilde turns around and looks at him with a raised brow “What's up, Is?”

“Promise me to not leave my side tonight. I’m not keen on getting hit on.”

“Issy, chill.” Vilde laughs, placing a hand on Isak's shoulder to give it a light squeeze “I’ll stay by your side, but you have to dance with me.”

Isak sighs, Vilde pouts sweetly and blinks her eyes a few times and Isak sighs again but he gives in “Faen, okay, fine.”

“Don’t worry, it won’t happen soon, first I need a few more drinks.” she smiles at him and Isak slowly nods “Me too, Vil, me too.”

.

Vilde really stays by his side the whole time and they’re having a good time at the party. They're sitting on a couch in the corner of the room with people Isak has never seen before, but he doesn't really care, they're nice and pretty funny. One of them is cracking one joke after the other, making Isak and everyone on the couch laugh heartily.

Isak startles a little as he feels a hand on his shoulder, the laughter dies in his throat and he quickly turns his head to take a look whose hand it is.

Jakob’s smiling down at him “Hei, man.”

“Hei.” Isak smiles relieved, for a second he thought someone else is standing there, for second he feared the guy from the kitchen would stand there.

He scoots a little aside so Jakob can sit down beside him “What are you doing here?” Isak asks him with his brows raised.

“Didn’t Chris tell you it was me, who invited you guys? It's David's house.” Jakob chuckles amused.

“No, she definitely didn't.” Isak lightly shakes his head, looking at Vilde.

“Oops, I knew we forgot something.” Vilde giggles beside him and she leans closer to whisper in his ear “I really need to get to the bathroom, will you be okay?”

“Sure.” Isak nods, he can handle Jakob. After three classes Biology in which they didn’t speak a single word, but had to do an assignment together, Isak had enough, he said that it was stupid and that they were acting like children – Jakob apologized for being an idiot and Isak did too.

“So what are your New Year’s resolutions, Valtersen.” Jakob asks curiously.

_“Do you mean something like a New Year’s resolution, just that you make it on your birthday?” “Exactly, you’re a real genius, Isak Valtersen.”  
_

Isak doesn't want to think about Even all the time, he really doesn't want to, but literally everything seems to remind him of the other boy even stupid New Year's resolutions.

Isak swallows and then he lightly shakes his head “I don’t have any.”

“Come on, not a single one? More sex? More sports? Really, nothing?” Jakob nudges his shoulder against Isak’s.

“Hmm maybe there’s one.” Isak answers mysteriously, Jakob quirks one brow and grins at him.

“No boys.” Isak says with a stupid grin on his lips, making Jakob huff out a laugh, but as he sees that Isak’s serious his laughter fades “Shit, are you serious?”

“Yeah.” Isak nods, bringing the can of beer in his hand to his lips.

“So there’s no chance I’ll get to kiss you at midnight?” Jakob raises one of his brows and Isak almost spits out the sip of beer he just took “Nei.”

“Such a shame, such pretty lips shouldn’t be left unkissed on New Year’s Eve.” Jakob teases, lightly laughing.

“Jesus, fuck, do people really fall for this shit?” Isak barks out a laugh, he can't believe this guy.

“That’s my secret.” Jakob has a shit-eating grin on his lips and Isak can't help but roll his eyes again “You're so full of shit. No one’s falling for that crap, Jake.”

“It works, Is, believe me.” Jakob reaches his hand up to Isak’s face, his thumb chasing the outline of his bottom lip “When I do this, they're melting in my hands.”

Jakob’s touch is gentle and it kind of feels nice, but it's so different from Even’s. Isak doesn’t know what to say or to do, he's kind of frozen, his mind's racing a hundred miles per hour and so does his heart. _What the fuck?_

As Jakob leans a little closer, Isak's heart rate picks up even more and he swallows. Is Jakob really going to kiss him right here, right now? Jakob doesn't kiss him, he just leans toward his ear and whispers “That turned you on, didn't it?” Jakob laughs beside his ear and Isak shoves him away.

“What the fuck, Jake? I’m not turned on.” his voice sounds a little too high and Isak hates that his body betrays him like that.

Jakob's face breaks out into a bright smile and he lightly shrugs “Told you it works.”

“Bullshit, it didn’t work.” Isak persists, a slight blush on his cheeks because he’s embarrassed that it actually worked, but just a little, a tiny bit okay. Isak’s only human, of course his body responses to seductive shit like that.

“The bulge in your jeans tells me another story, Is.” Jakob wags his brows and this makes Isak blush even more, although there isn't even a bulge to see “Oh fuck off, you're an asshole, do you know that?”

Jakob shrugs, still grinning "People told me before. But it doesn't change the fact that it worked, though."

“For fucks sake, will you shut up about it if I say it worked." Isak grunts, raising one of his brows.

"I will." Jakob nods and smiles sweetly.

"Good. It worked, but just a little, a tiny bit.” Isak finally admits, making Jakob bark out a triumphant laugh.

.

“My offer for the midnight kiss is still standing, though, just find me and I’ll kiss you, Valtersen.” Jakob squeezes Isak's shoulder with a smirk before he leaves to his other friends.

“Dream on, Iversen.” Isak flips him off with a grin on his face.

As Isak turns back to Vilde, she has a half smirk on her lips “Seemed pretty hot between the two of you.”

“What?” Isak squeaks, making Vilde chuckle “Is there finally something going on?”

“No, Vilde, faen.” Isak shakes his head, there's nothing going on and there never will, Jakob's just great at teasing him and they agreed on just being friends and Biology buds.

“Why not? He’s hot, though. And he’s clearly into you, Jeez just the way he looks at you.” Vilde nods toward Jakob, who's standing at the other side of the room and looking at them with a gorgeous half grin.

Isak takes his eyes off the other boy, looking back at Vilde “It’s not going to happen, girl, and he knows it’s not going to happen.”

“Okay.” Vilde slowly nods and then she dryly adds “But I heard from a few people that he’s pretty good in bed.”

Isak almost chokes on his beer and grimaces “Fy faen, I don’t wanna hear that.”

“You sure?” Vilde grins as she takes a sip from her wine.

“Yeah pretty sure.” Isak reassures her “It's not worth the trouble. I think I've had enough for a while.”

Vilde bites down her bottom lip “Maybe you're right. But I mean a little midnight kiss doesn't have to end in drama and it would be pretty awesome to get one, don't you think?”

“I swear to God, I'm leaving if you don't stop.” Isak huffs out a laugh, he grabs one of the pillows from the couch and cautiously throws it at her.

“I'm just joking, Is.” Vilde laughs heartily, throwing the pillow back at Isak and it lands right in his face.

.

The night's fun until Isak cracks open his third beer, standing in the kitchen, listening to Jakob giving Magnus some questionable flirting advice. Isak laughs about almost every third word Jakob speaks, he can't believe that this boy managed to get so many people in his bed with his bullshit.

Isak's mind drifts off as his eyes wander around the party crowd, it's only an hour left until the new year starts.

“And that really works? You're not fucking with me?” Magnus asks before taking a sip from his beer.

“Of course it works, Mags.” Jakob chuckles “Ask Isak how good it works?” Jakob nudges Isak's shoulder with his.

Isak looks back to the them, his eyes darting between the two other boys “Huh? What?”

“Mags, wanted to know if my advice actually works or if I'm just fooling him.” Jakob explains, his eyes roaming Isak's face, he looks a little worried, though.

Isak can feel his face heating up and he tries to overplay it with dramatically rolling his eyes “You're a real pain in the ass, Jake.”

“Oh my God, I didn't know you guys had a thing. Why didn't you tell me, Is? Faen, does anyone know? I bet everyone knows except me.” Magnus rambles, pouting his lips a little and Isak shoots a glare at Jakob.

“Mags, calm the fuck down. Nothing happened.” Isak trying hard not to snap at the boy.

“But how else would you know. I don't get it.” Magnus says confused, looking between the two boys.

“Ugh Mags, I really don't want to...” Isak sighs, running his hand through his curls.

“Isak got a hard on earlier on the couch.” Jakob blurts, his words followed by a laugh.

“Fucks sake, Jake.” Isak shoves Jakob's shoulder again, the blush on his cheeks getting a few shades darker.

“Faen.” Magnus gasps and he looks at Isak with wide eyes “You really got hard? Like it really worked?”

“Oh my fucking God, Mags, I'm not telling you what gets me fucking hard.” Isak says maybe a little too loud for the small kitchen.

And that's when Isak realizes that someone else is in the room, they've been alone before, but now he can clearly feel the presence of another person behind him and he can feel the person's glance almost burning a hole in the back of his head.

“Shit.” Magnus mumbles quietly and he looks from Isak to the person behind him. Isak can tell that it's him only from the look on Magnus' face. Even. Of course it's Even, of course Even walks in here when Jakob's talking about getting him hard.

Then Isak smells his cologne, there's no doubt that it's actually him anymore, Isak's stomach churns and for a second he feels like throwing up. He closes his eyes for a short second and takes a deep breath. Isak sees that Magnus opens and shuts his mouth again, but his friend's words seem to be somewhere in the distance “Hei, Even.” Isak sees that Magnus has not the slightest idea what to do, how to act, he looks kinda lost, exactly like Isak feels and then there's Jakob who looks at Isak with big worried eyes.

He feels Jakob's hand on his arm, giving it a little squeeze, pulling him out of his trance, it all happens in only a few seconds but for Isak it feels like a fucking eternity, it feels like everything is happening in slow motion.

“Halla, boys.” Even's deep voice says and with that Isak turns around to face him. Even's appearance is like a slap in the face, there's a smile tugging at the edge of his lips, a criminal gorgeous smile. He's wearing black skinny jeans – the ones Isak loves so much – a burgundy shirt and a gray hoodie, if Isak's not mistaken that hoodie once belonged to him. Even looks from Isak to Jakob and there's a glimpse of something in his eyes that Isak can't read.

“I gotta go.” Isak tears his eyes away from the older boy, he looks at his friends without really seeing them “I gotta go, now.” He places his beer on the counter and almost runs out of the kitchen.

In the living room he runs into Eva and Vilde, the girls look at him with worry in their eyes “Fuck, Isak, I didn't know he would be here.” Eva says with a frown on her forehead.

“I gotta go.” it seems like these are the only words his brain are able to process, he can't think of something else, he needs to get away from here, away from Even. Isak pushes people aside, they're glaring at him, some of them even pushing him back and cursing at him, but he doesn't care, he just needs to get out of here.

Isak hears a voice somewhere behind him, far in the distance, it sounds begging, asking him to wait and not run away and maybe there's even a quiet sorry, but probably he's only imagine it.

He runs down the street, around a corner and then another one, he wants to get away as far as he can, he needs to get away so he'll finally be able to breathe again. Isak comes to hold a few minutes later, out of breath, his face and hair a little damp from the falling snow.

Somehow his feet managed to bring him back to the cabin, somehow he managed not to get lost around here. He walks by the cabin, down the snowy path to the frozen lake, he doesn't feel like going back to the cabin yet, he needs the cold out here to calm his nervers and inner turmoil down a bit.

There's a little wooden jetty and it makes Isak think of Even's spot. It makes him think of the first day they went there to swim, the day Even kissed his neck and Isak's skin felt like it was on fire.

_“Are you scared?” “A tiny bit.” “You don't have to, I'm here.”_

His feet slide down the small hill, he almost lands on his butt a few times. Isak sits down on the wood, the jetty's a little moist from the snow, but he doesn't care, he doesn't even care that the moist slowly seeps through his jeans. He buries his hands in the pockets of his jacket, he finds his beanie in the right one, pulls it out and covers his damp curls with it.

It's a silent night, people are celebrating in the warmth of their homes, no one can be bothered with being out here on New Year's Eve before the fireworks start.

Why did Even have to be at that party tonight? Why tonight of all nights?

He didn't expect that it would hurt so much to see him again, that it would be so devastating to see Even smile at him like this. Isak thought he would be able to handle it, he thought he would be happy to see him again after a month of nothing, but obviously he was wrong. Isak wipes away the tears that roll down his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater.

.

It's a freezing night, Isak's rubbing his hands together to get them warm again, but it doesn't really work, so he decides that it's time to get back up to the cabin.

As he gets back up on his feet, he notices that his limps are already stiff from the cold, he runs his cold fingers over his eyes for one last time to get rid of the last traces of the tears he spilled in the silence of the night.

Isak makes his way up the hill again, a little slower than he got down, his limps too cold and stiff to move any faster. He's tired, exhausted to be exact, he can't wait to change into new, dry clothes and fall in his bed.

He grabs his phone out of his jeans pocket, there are a few missed calls from Eva and Vilde, a message from Jonas and Magnus. Isak swipes the notifications away and buries his phone in his pocket again. Disappointment settles in his stomach, he doesn't even know why he was hoping for a missed call or at least a text from Even. Isak walks the rest of the way to the cabin hugging himself.

.

It's hard to put the keys in the keyhole with frozen, shaky fingers, Isak mumbles countless quiet curses as the key slips out his fingers for the second time. He's still standing outside the cabin and it seems like he's going to freeze to death tonight, because he's not able to open up that goddamn door.

“Do you need help?” Isak freezes when he hears his voice, he knows he would've let the key drop if it wouldn't already lie on the ground.

Isak slowly turns around and he looks into Even's blue eyes and he feels like crying again, why does Even have to be here. Isn't he already feeling shitty enough? Does he have to see him like this?

Isak just stares at the older boy, not able to move a single frozen muscle in his body, Even has a soft smile on his lips before he bends down, grabs the keys from the ground and hands them to Isak.

“What are you doing here?” it slips out of Isak's mouth without thinking, there must be a reason why Even's here, Isak remembers telling Even about Eva's cabin but he never mentioned where it actually is, so why is he here?

“I was looking for you, Is.” Even explains, his blue eyes roaming Isak's face with a hint of worry in them. Somehow that makes Isak angry, how can he be worried about him when he's the reason why he's such a mess in the first place. Isak looks down at his hands because he can't stand Even's glance anymore, he plays with the keys in his stiff fingers and says “I'm okay, Even.”

There's a long pause and Isak wishes the older boy would say something, anything, but he doesn't. He fights back the tears that want to escape his eyes, he takes a breath and says “I gotta get in, I'm freezing.” Isak sniffles, slowly looking back up at the other boy's face.

And that's when Even finally moves, he moves closer, making Isak gasp because of the sudden closeness, Even's standing so near that Isak can feel the warmth of his body. He looks in Even's eyes, they're shining and their glance changed from worried to fond, so fond that it fucking breaks Isak's heart. Why does he have to look at me like that, why is he doing this to me? Isn't my heart broken enough?

One of Even's hands comes slowly up to Isak's face, gently cupping his cheek and caressing it. Isak allows himself to lean into the touch, lean into the warmth of Even's hand. Isak closes his eyes and swallows.

Even inhales sharply before he whispers “I missed you so fucking much, baby.”

Isak eyes flutter open at that term of endearment, his lips slightly parting, he stares at Even, his green eyes roaming the other boy's face.

“Even, I...” Isak tries, but he can't say any more words, he can't return these words, he just can't, he doesn't want to make himself even more vulnerable than he already feels.

The light smile fades from Even's lips, but his hand stays on Isak's face, his thumb drawing little circles on Isak's cold cheek, they stand there for a little while like that.

Even takes his hands from Isak's face and Isak's heart sinks to his stomach, he needs to say something, he doesn't want Even to leave, but he isn't sure if he wants him to stay either.

Isak wishes for an explanation, but he knows he won't get any tonight or ever and he has no idea when he's going to see Even again, in a few days, in a few weeks, in a few months. So despite all the hurting and all his resolutions for the new year, Isak lunges forward and wraps his arms around Even, his former best friend, the boy he still loves with every fiber of his body.

Isak's sudden move surprises Even, but he catches him nevertheless and wraps his arms tightly around Isak as well. The hug feels warm and cozy, a little like coming home and it's one of these embraces that somehow manage to put your broken pieces back together, not all of them, but most of them.

“I'm sorry for hurting you, Is.” Even breaths beside his ear, and it's so quiet that Isak can barely hear his words “I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I thought it would be better this way. I thought you would be better off without me.”

A quiet sob slips out of Isak's mouth and Even wraps his arms even tighter around his body “I'm fucking sorry that I ruined our friendship, our relationship, us, literally every fucking thing. I'm so fucking sorry, baby.”

Isak let's go of him, he looks in Even's eyes, the other boy exhales shakily, his eyes teary and a little red. Isak's hands come up to gently frame Even's face, his eyes looking between Even's as he breaths “In what world would I be better off without you?”

A tear rolls down Even's cheek and Isak catches it with his thumb “I love you so much, Isak Valtersen. I fell for you the day I saw you standing there at the tram station all grumpy and gorgeous.”

Isak huffs out a chuckle, tears in his eyes “You did?”

“Yeah I did, Is.” Even leans his forehead against Isak's and gently rubs their noses together "And I fell more and more in love with you every passing day."

.

Isak startles a little as he feels fingers brushing a wet curl from his forehead, his eyes slowly flutter open, Even smiles at him and whispers “Sorry, didn't want to startle you. Is it warm enough?”

“Mmmh.” Isak nods and smiles “Thanks, Ev.”

“You're very welcome, baby.” Even let's his fingers softly wander from Isak's forehead to his cheek to his neck, gently caressing the skin there.

Isak closes his eyes again, oh how fucking much he missed having the other boy around him, how much he missed his ever so gentle and soft touches.

He opens his eyes again, a small smile drawing on his lips as he finally says “I missed you too, Ev. You have no idea, how fucking much I missed you.”

Even knees down beside the bath tube and he leans forward to hug Isak, first Isak wants to stop him because he doesn't want to get Even all wet, but then he decides otherwise, he lets Even hug him, lets himself melt into the other boy's arms again, holding him close.

"I'm here now, Is, I'm here now. And I'm not planning on leaving ever again." Even says and places a kiss on Isak's curls.

"No?" Isak asks quietly beside Even's ear.

“No.” Even whispers back, lightly shaking his head and pressing Isak even closer against his body.

“Good 'cause I'm not letting you go ever again.”

.

____________________________

  **Eva**

Issy? Are you okay? Did Even find you?  
Hello?  
I'm worried, please just send a letter or an emoji so I know you're okay  
Issy, please :((

I'm back at the cabin. And yes Even did find me.

THANK FUCK YOU'RE STILL ALIVE.  
I was about to call the police, tho

Didn't Even text you that he found me?

Yeah, but I wanted to hear it from you  
Is everything okay, Is?

Yeah everything's fine, Evie :)

Is he still there?

Yes

♥

♥

____________________________

"Eva's still worried, huh?" Even chuckles as he comes back from the kitchen with two mugs of hot cocoa in his hands.

"Yeah, you know how she is." Isak smiles at Even, putting his phone back on the couch table and taking the mug Even's reaching him "Thanks."

"She just loves you." Even smiles at him, taking a sip from his cocoa.

"I know." Isak plays with the mug in his hands "She's been more than amazing this past weeks."

.

In the safety of the darkness in Isak's room they talk about everything and nothing, they talk about the important stuff and the not so important stuff, they talk about the good things they experienced this past month and they talk about the bad things.

They finally talk about everything, _really_ _everything._ And they promise each other to do that from now on, because all the not-talking and misunderstandings brought that mess into their relationship.

Even tells Isak how Mathis almost kicked his ass for not reaching out to him, how his father and stepmother reacted to the news that Isak's really more than just a best friend (not that well, but Even finally realized that he doesn't need his father's approval that it's okay to have a relationship with a boy).

Even tells him that the twins asked about him constantly these past weeks, he tells him about the worried glances Hedda gave him and how she tried to talk some sense into him, how she tried to convince him to finally talk to Isak.

Even tells him that it took him a month because he wanted to give him time, he wanted to give him a break from his bullshit and he tells him that he's fucking sorry that it took him all so long.

Even tells him all of this and more.

Isak knows it's never going to be perfect, they never will be perfect, but as long as it's Even and him in the end, Isak doesn't give a shit about perfect.

.

Isak's head is resting on Even's chest, Even's fingers gently brushing through his curls, Isak's fingers drawing nonsense on the skin of Even's arm.

There's the sound of fireworks somewhere outside, it's distant and quiet, Isak's about to doze off when Even whispers “Isak?”

“Hmm?” Isak hums, more asleep than awake, he manages to open his eyes and moves his head to look in Even's face. The fair, blue light of the moon is shining on Even's face and he looks gorgeous, Isak smiles. The older boy mirrors his smile and it's so tender that it melts Isak's heart, he missed this so fucking much. Isak leans closer and places a soft kiss on Even's lips, their first midnight kiss on New Year's Eve. Isak brushes a strand of Even's hair out of his face, looking deeply into his eyes, waiting for the other boy to speak.

Even's glance is soft, a fond smile is pinned to his lips as he breaths “If alternate universes exist, I hope it will be you and me in the end. I really fucking hope that there will always be an us in every single universe, in every world, in every life, in every story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it guys, that's the end of my story ♥ Sorry it took me so long again, but I was hard to let go of this Isak and Even :') ♥  
> TUSSEN TAKK for sticking with me 'til the end, for all the kudos and comments, I love you all ♥  
> As always I hope you liked the chapter ♥  
> Maybe some of you will still be around for my next story and if you feel like it come talk to me on my [tumblr](https://zabn.tumblr.com/) ♥


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